PLL Redux: Nomz, Moms, & Tittay Bombs

See, Em, touching wood isn't as bad as it seems. Close Ur mouf, Aria!

     Hey you lyin' ass Hobags, another week, another episode of PLL to trash-talk with love.  This week, in an effort to keep things fresh "why-don't-we-hit-it-from-the-back-this-time" style, I'm switching up the way I write the Redux much like Chaz Bono switches up his gender.  Fret not, lil' Baconators, my bitchery will still be there in all it's glory, but for those who don't live and breathe this shitshow like me, the Shambles will come less stream-of-thought, and more "this is what happened during the show" so that (like Kardashian hind quarters) it's more accessible to all.  
     SIDE NOTE: After this week's trial run, if your Daddy complex is in full effect and you prefer it the old way, I'll go back to it next time... but I won't know what's working unless you let me know in the comments.  NTWayz, enough housekeeping, let's get to the Reduxin' after the jump, cuz there was mad drama, and there's mad shit to be talked...

Random Bless: "Stray Runners"

Feel the Bless, Fux... And the grease.

     Howdy hobags, Hobags.  Adrian Grenny here for a long overdue Random Bless to bring to your eye-parts for eyesumption.  My Danny Devito sausage hands are literally dripping with grease from all the time I haven't laid them upon a sub-sect of fux in need of their random bless powers, but all that is about change.  This time the fux in question might need a full body bless rubdown, because once they get going (like a Kardashian special on E!) they can't be stopped from spreading their evil.  So don't be a fool-tard, jump on in here like an Asian ween at an all U can eat Harajuku Girl Buffet and see just who it is receiving my powers of bless this time...

Searches That Brung U To Me - 4

I'd be excited too if I was sittin' on his lap.  DILF!!

     Hi kiddos, I've been sick for a week and really want to kill myself.  But, before I do, I thought I'd check to see what is that was bringing you lil' Baconators to the Shamblette's... and as usual, I was disgusted, humored, and honored(?) at what I found.  So here you go, it's what I'm calling my 21 weirdo salute, featuring 21 searches that brung yallz nastay asses to the Shamblettes... but since this post has been pretty lame in the past, I've tried to find a way to spruce it up Walmart-becoming-a-Target style. 
     I'm not sure if it's worse that I write such top shelf stuff, or that it's bringing all the pedos to the yard and giving me more hits than a group of Rihanna look-a-likes at Chris Brown's birthday party.  Either way, click up on in this ish to see just what it is that you Hobags were searching for that brought your stank-encrusted eyeballs to this blog...

PLL Redux: U Get That On Film? Unfortuantely.

OMGaga!  I know right, Fassbender's got some surryous ween!

     Another week, another PLL redux.  If we weren't one more episode closer to finding out for good who the fuq "A" is, I'd probably be drunk on carbs from how slow-ish tonight's episode was... but with last week's Gay Lucas letdown resolution, thing's can't get any worse right?  RIGHT?  Guess you'll have to read on to find out, but if the above picture/fashions from the Halloween episode (which we flashed back to again this week) is any kind of clue, then tragedy is on the horizon...

Kiki & Adrian's Shambled Truths: Misery 101

Which way to the buffet?

    'Sup knuckleheads?  Adrian here as always bringing your lard-infused asses a brand spankin' new feature called "Kiki & Adrian's Shambled Truths".  It ain't rocket science or anything, just a collection of truths on life (namely ours) that Kiki and I have come to during our many gchat sessions.  Don't be fooled, this isn't "Gchats U Wish U Wrote", just commandments similar to the Rules and Reguweightions of the Fat Club to help you realize that, like Shambles through the hourglass, these are the mottos of our lives.  With that in mind, these truths might not apply to your life, but if you're reading this blog then something tells me they probably do.  Enjoy...

Whatchu Playin' Fool? -- You Packin What?

This is hard!  Kid, you've got no idea.

     As promised, here's the game that brought all the weens to the yard.  So get your thinking scrotes on, and use what I taught you in last week's "Is That A Thing" post (post, tee hee) cuz if you're wrong about these weens, no one will axe you to the big dance in the sheets, or at least you might get dickbushed when the dude you're about to bone pulls out more than his wallet and you're not ready for what's there.  Side note though, as out there as some of my posts are, I do have a sense of modesty... so don't expect nudie pix in this post, but there's a twist!  Find out what it is and click on for the game of goods...

PLL Redux: Choke On This, Bitch!

Surryously, I can't.  What is that statue-thingy in the background?

     Ugh, so here we are again with another episode of PLL.  I love this show, but after this week it's truly testing my patience.  Read on to see why, or don't... either way I'll probably still threat-text you later...

Is That A Thing? -- The Dixth Sense

I see dead weens!

     How they hangin', Hobags?  Adro Grenny here as always for another edition of "Is That A Thing?", and this time I can assure you, it IS in fact a thing (literally and figuratively)... because not only do I (allegedly, because I can't see past my fat rolls) have this thing, but I also have the special skills to dick-cipher said thing on someone else.  So cleanse that palette, pull out your squishy parts, and let's get to the bottom (or top depending on which you prefer) of this special, but-not-in-the-short-bus-way, skill that I (and others like me I'm sure) have marinating just under our Lane Bryant jeans and mind-parts...

PLL Redux: A'd Like To Make A Call Preez

Clearly Emily farted, but Aria's the one that stinks.

     Oh man, other than everything edible, there's nothing I love more than a fresh ass episode of Pretty Little Liars.  This week's eppy was full of it's usual non-plausible moments, and "A" lot of Gay Lucas, but that's why I love this show so much that I bought a PLL 2012 wall calendar (hey, if we're all gonna die or whatever, at least I'll do it while Hefty Hanna scowls at me from across the room ALA the pic above).  But this isn't about me, it's about what went down last night like Aria at a Daddy-Issues convention for horribly eyebrowed youths.  So take the jump on in here Kris Kross style and see what the hell went down this week in Rosewood...

Holy Hot Messes: Membershit Only Warehouse

Ten points if you can find the black guy.

     Oh my grits, Lil' Baconators... it's 2012 and I'm back full time to bring in the new year with a whole heap of Shambles to keep your jellies jammin' til blood runs in the streets and we all die or whatever because the Mayan calendar-makers got lazy.  But in lighter news, I'm boutta bring your lard-infused asses another heap of Holy Hot Mess, and this time it's a place that not even Lady Gaga's penis would wanna go in.  No, it's not a Kardashian Cooch or "da Club", but the place in question is just as full of random shit you don't need, and just as easy to get in to...

PLL Redux: Back In thA Hood Like Sista Act 2

Caynt cancel dis kitty cooch. Um, axshly I can. U nxt "St. Of Georgia"

     Happy Jew-thousand-12, Lil' Baconators.  I know you've missed me throwback Pepsi style, but like the chemicals in that Devil's juice, I always find a way back into your life to cause chaos and ever-widening hips.  It's been a hot-ass minute since we've had a new epi-soda (see what I did there?) of Pretty Little Hobags Liars, and like that one time after that condomless orgy in a dark alley behind Ross Dress For Less, the wait to find out what went down since then was agonizing.  

    Well it's finally time to get close to "A" and her/him/it/Mona/they's identity; cuz that endless-text-plan-having skank is back to torment the sluttiest 17 year-olds on TV this side of a Teen Mom, and I'm here to Redux the shit out of it after the jump, but hurry, or you might have to sit through another episode of Melissa and Joey and wish we could all get cancelled die like that Chloe King skank and her allegeded 9 lives...