Wednesday, August 31, 2011

PLL Redux: It's Summer Finale Time Bitches!

Maybe when we're their age it'll be true.  Dammit, Hanna just smile!
     First and foreskin most, it's been a long, strange, continuity and all plausability out the window 12 weeks.  Thank you for being a friend and for reading my reduxii and enjoying this shitshow of awesome as much as I do.  Now, with all the pleasantries outta the way, let's get to the shit talking.  OK WTFuq?  Where were Mike, Ganny Hanna's Grandma, Noel Kahn & Mona (theory on that inside), and Gay Lucas at while we were forced to face Toby Simbajaws, British Wren (lookin' good on his return though BTdubbs), and that 700 year old bitch Maya who we all know is about as boring as anything having "with the stars" in its title? 
     Wowwie, let me relax and eat something fried... Ok that's better, I'm calm.  Don't wanna get all my anger and thoughts of brilliance out in the into.  Aight, all good.  Let's just kick back, bury ourselves alive, and peep this Summer finale PLL redux... cuz y'all ain't gettin' another one for a while...

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Gchats U Wish... Whores, Legs & Baconhaterz

Story of my life slash too much shit talkin' Shambles.
     Been a while since we had a good Gchat U Wish U Wrote so I'll just cut to the chase and say that this time, series regular Kiki is back and we're talkin' more shit than a diarrhea butt-hole.  Topics I'm ashamed of include: my strange addiction (which even strangelier has nothing to do with food), Gym hotties and the legs they walk on, then finally we delve into my new best friends and the Shambles of limited supplies of maple syrup marinated bacon.  My mouth is sufficiently watering like hoochie thighs at an all-you-can-eat coochfest.  So jump on in here and read all about it...

Monday, August 29, 2011

TB Redux: This Be What Rock Bottom Looks Like

Hey, "Sookie"... See title of post for witty caption.
     Oh my, oh my, oh my, Fang Bangers.  Can you believe there's only two episodes left of the season until TB is gone and there's only 39877 million other vampire shows to watch until next Summer?  Me either, but I'll stop yappin' and get to the recappin' cuz more shit went down this week than a flat-headed, waist-tall being, no tooth having whorebag festival in BJville.  We lost some serious pubes this week (RIP you-know-who), AND got some heated dramz going like Jessica's sure to now be crab infested dead ass fire-crotch.
     So with that burned into our minds forever, and like a double dose of morning after pill that makes your dead dick related Shambles go away toot suite, peep on up in this Redux to see what pre-fetal goodies you forgot to sort through from last night's festivities...

Friday, August 26, 2011

Proj. Runway Redux - Shoe Gurl, I Almost Died!

Sex & the Shitty fake smilers.
     Hey Gaysigners, Adrian Gunnadine here to make this shit work like sweatshop kids at Martha Stewart's house.  This week there were more transitions than a drag show/sex change hospital.  People left, people came back, people I can't stand literally busted their ass... and something truly tragic almost happened but didn't (hint, one testicle).  All in all it was a dramz filled week that trimmed some sleepy useless, but brought back some in-the-closet baldness.
     As always though, be warned... there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to lose your virginity with a chainsaw blade (Cucumbers work better Shambles)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that Refux...

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Searches That Brung U To Me - 2

Where U at, Shamblettes?  Look down, waaay down! (Dik level, Boo)
     It's true, some of you like me, you really like me.  So in return for your favors of page views, I'm sharing, herpes style, some of the wonderfully sketchy Google searches that led you to me since the last STBU2M post.  The overwhelming responses of pervy things you all look for to jam your jellies and unleash your poons never cease to amaze me.  So jump on in this mini-post like a fist to a rape ass and see what lead yallz to meh part deux...

Stuff I Like/Hate But Shouldn't: Porno Dialogue

Oh yeah, suck it you little bitch. (literally shambles)
     Oh man and woman are you lil' Baconators in for a treat.  This edition of the long lost "Stuff I Love or Hate But Shouldn't" feature, also known as SILOBS, is really gonna get your pickles perky and your poon-tangs tangin', cuz it's all about the pornos and the wonderful things not just sprayed, but said in them too.  That's right, no covering up the truth on the topic until after the jump this time, cuz like the porno dialogue that's the focus of this post, I'm just coming out gay style and saying it... no matter what shoots me in the face or calls me one of a million little names that cum up (see what I did there?) while gettin' dat money-shot 50 cent style 9 times in the chest (double decker pun points to me, thanx).  
     Now, please-to read on to see whether I love or hate porno dialogue in this extended (tee hee) edition of SILOBS, and enjoy the 7 "see what I did there's" that'll help point out all the obvious and shitty porno puns I've sprinkled throughout this post like you know what on a Bukaki face cuz I...

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Is It In Yet? - Racebook

Open up, this hand needs a tan (Gross Poop Joke Shambles).
     Yo Yo Hobags, slut-rods, and little Baconators (like little Monsters but not, get it?).  The preceeding lameness aside, it is once again I, Adrian Grenadine: master of Shambles and bacon, here to bring you another edition of Is It In Yet?.  I hope your back-shoots are puckered and ready for insertion because this time, we're throwing out all the Depends undergarments and bringing some Suri-Cruise-ious issues to the snack covered table.  If you're easily offended, look the other way and get the hell off my site, we don't take kindly to your types 'round here... but if you don't mind a little harmless racism chat, then click on that "read more" link and get your ass in here A-Stat!...

PLL Redux: Discussin' Dramz & NOT Eatin' Nomz

Photoshopped Aria head is totes ruining this fierce as fuq pishure.
     Hey there, Ugly Big Truthtellers.  Another episode down like chicken strips, only one more to go unitl the Fall finale.  This week we had limited Noel and Mona, and more than we cared for Toby, BUT, we also had no boring Melissa, no New Jason and his buttchin of death, and no boring Ezra Fitz and former Beyonce parts... so like diet coke, it's a give and take compromise.
     In other news though, shit's gettin' more intense than bacon wrapped fried Oreos with steak sauce and ketchup marinated fish batter, TRANSLATION: Disturbing in a good way.  So jump on in this here Redux to see what you mighta missed, cuz something tells me while you were watching and sippin' on that diet coke, I was finding the truth like a 2 year old's g-spot, and you're gonna wanna read what you missed. TRUST!...

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Hey Gurl Hey: Legit Camp Nowhere, 100th Post!

I'm not invisible, I'm making a cumback, dammit!  Shut up, loser.
     Hey Gurls hey, fist (tee hee) of all if the headline above didn't spell it out, this be my 100th post, can't believe we've made it this far.  So please-to do your part to spread the Shamblettes word like legs as, like weens in duh strip club or crabs on your cooch, I'm trynna grow this blog as much as I can as time goes on.  So tweet, poke, retweet, facebook, whatever you need to do to get my words of nom out to the fat assed masses preez.  I'll luz you bacon cheeseburger style if you do.
     NTwayz, pleasantries and cel-ho-brations aside, it's that time again to dig deep in the nethers of time to see what became of "heartthrobs" past.  The 90's are back in the habit like Sister Act 2 these days, so let's take a stroll down memree lane to see what this mop topped douchelord from numerous Tigerbeat photo-spreads is up to today.  You're just a click away from discovering his identity, but don't say I didn't warn you, this guy has spent too many years lodging up extended-stay style in irrelevant-invisible-man fashion at "Camp Nowhere"...

Gays Do It Better - Cool Runnings

Step 2: Cut that Bebeh dick.  Got it.
     Holy rimjobs, Gaywads and Lezboinz!  It's already time for another edition of GDIB, and instead of pussyfooting around or jerkin' your merkin with a long drawn out intro, let me just cut to the chase like foreskin at a Bris and say that if you're cool, and I'm not moving too fast for you, then you need to jump on in here and check this shit out fruit de suite...

Monday, August 22, 2011

Fat Club - Fatter Rules & Reguweightions

OMG, a Sale!  2 for 1 Baconators! (head exploding non-Shambz)
     That gurgling sound you hear isn't your "I didn't know I was preggo" baby kicking for freedom at the nearest McDonald's bathroom before your shift starts, it's the rumblings in your tum that another edition of Fat Club is here for you to digest and let settle in your tummy-ass-&-thighs regions.  So pick up those chins, peel back the folds covering your eyes, and peep these super obese further rules and reguweightions...

True Blood Redux: Extra Cheese & Corn Preez

Talk about cutting the corncheeze!
     I honestly don't know what to say, Hobags... this week's True Blood was like a big juicy turd: a relief to get out and necessary for survival, but full of more un-digestable bits than a mouth full of cud.  I won't get into the specifics of said corny and cheese bits until the full redux after the jump, but I hope you brought your double-ply Charmin, cuz you're in for one doo-doozy of a redux...

Friday, August 19, 2011

Holy Hot Messes - Bangin' Dem Fried Collars

I have that same outfit in white, but it's XXXL.
     Happy Friday, Slutnuggets.  It's time for another edition of Holy Hot Messes.  This time we're bringin' the heat like slutty gennies at a coochie clam bake.  So hold on to your hair donts, plug in your vibrators, and please-to de-douchify that outfizs cuz once you click on that "keep reading" shit, it's time to get our demon worship on with these person, place, and thing holy as hell hot messes...

Project Runway Redux - Nina Us Are Worthy

Hey, Tim... make that fart I just laid on ur dick-parts work.  Tee hee!
     Heyyyyy, Deziiiigners!  Time for another redux of the show that sews no bounds (lame pun shambles).  This week we had to peep Nina Garcia's botox face for longer than usual, so I'm sure she got paid some mad overtime for actually getting her ass outta that PR chair.  But enough gabbin', let's get to the reduxin'.
     As always though, be warned... there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to sit on some doodz face after an all you can eat bean buffet (Ass Blast shambles)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that reslutx...

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Gross Yuck Cool - Infectious Fun

I never shoulda had that third juicebox... Fuqing Lohan toddlers!
      Break out those haz-mat suits, sluthoez, this Is that a thing? will really infect you with "whatthefuqness".  Shockingly, some of you may have already partaken in or know about this thing, and to that I say "y'allz crazy".  So lock the door, break out those anti-immunity drugs, and grab your nearest spotted neighbor, cuz it's Is that a thing? time...

The Bitch List: Runnin' Nowhere Loudly

Mmm Hmm... I will weave side-pony ur bitch ass back tude-uh hood.
     Happy hobags, you Slut-faced Simbajaws twins... The Bitch List is back with three hot-fresh topics worthy of my immaculate bitchery this week.  Topics deal with neglected animals owned by douchelord asswads, mini-mills of death which should never see the light of day for fear of killing everything in it's sights with Ugly Betty Moment pollution, and wraps up condom style with people who, like countless procedurals on CBS with initials in their titles, just need to fuqing die and go away already as enough is enough!  Whew, let me calm down, don't wanna blow my wad Lohan style up front.  But please-to do know that since you all got dicked yesterday with only one post, I'm gonna make the ones today a bit longer to satisfy the void-holes left in your carnal desire-parts.  So keep reading to see the specifics on the top three things worthy of my bitchitude...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

PLL Redux: Ridin' Bareback For Rubdowns

Hands off mah cooch, Em... I'm being fabulous here.  Soary, Hanna.
     Greetings and salutations, Bitches.  PLL was back in full force last night, and Mona and Hanna had more zingers than an electroshock therapy center without a powerstrip to plug their cooch-zap machine's into... TRANSLATION - Lotsa zings.  This week featured a near-lezzy encounter with a massage their-rapist, and some major bareback ridin' on the ole bitch range of horseback trollups.  So jump on in here like "A' at the massage parlor or a horse over a fence and see what all the cooch-rage was this week on PLL...
 

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

AngryBitter & Jelly: No Fair Edition

So you're NOT my daddy?  No fair!  Fuq U Shaquille O'neal!
     The world is a cruel and lard-filled place.  So naturally this week's ABJ sammy of delight is all "whoa is me".  I'm singling out three things in the realms of Angry, Bitter, and Jelly that other people get away with while I can't.  It's truly tragic, it's truly true, and it's truly no fair.  So stop pointing and laughing at my pathetic asses and "read the fuq on" to see what it is that's less fair then a ginger skin-convention...

Is That A Thing? -- Huggie Death Match

Awwwl, Bear Hug.  Now DIE, BITCHES!
     Hold on tight, Kiddos cuz you're in for one helluva shambled ride.  After a recent viewing of the amazeballs ER season 15 box set, a little activity I didn't realize was a thing got brought into my life like a bad case of crabs... Unlike said crabs though, this thing which most definitely is a thing sadly, won't let go with a simple shampoo and topical cream, and so prepare for a little bit longer of a ramble this time as this thing clearly concerns my 8 chins and bacon wrapped heart.  Thus, like a Kardashian to a paycheck from a black dude with an attitude prollem, I'm not letting this go without a fight.  But enough (literally) trash talk, let's get into the deets of this elusive air-tight thing after the jump...

Monday, August 15, 2011

Boner Patrol! -- Double Sexhaust

Talk aboutta muffler.  I've seen this one b4... but where's the gerbil?
     New feature time.  This one's simple.  Every so often something comes along that gets my nethers going north, and I'm not always proud of it.  But I'm swallowing my invisible pride like one swallows food times infinity slash a 16 inch dong, and writing about the things that get said bones rattling.  So jump on in this bitch to see what's got the Boner Patrol out in full force in this first ever BP post...

True Blood Redux: Negress This Shitz Insane

Pass dat blood & blessed be, cuz bishes gawn die tonight! 
     Another week down, another boner already had in anticipation for next week's episode.  This week's shit started off kinda slow, but the back half of the episode had me clutching the pearls, laughing my ever-widening ass off, and trying to suppress my bone-parts for more awesomeness from our Lord and saviors, Alan Ball and friends.  Also, this week was amazeballs X 1000 cuz there was no Jesus or Portia for miles!  So before I explode bacon bits everywhere, let's redux the shit outta this week's episode, titled Spellbound and written by Allah, Mr. Alan Ball himself...

Friday, August 12, 2011

Wha'chu Playin' Fool?: Gay or Straightish Dad

1) Bitch is only 16? 2) Exo gave u stroke eye. 3) U still gay, Jeffrey.
     Been a hot ass minute since we had a game up on these parts, but I'm swallowing my pride like a Lohan swallows girl parts and vodka to bring you another little treasure for the weekend.  As usual, the answers will be provided before the comments section... BUT, even though I'm not Geek Squad, I did find a way to hide them until you leave your comment... so leave ur guesses in the fuqing comments, people!  NTwayz, my sweet nothings aside, let's get down to the task at dick in hand as this game isn't as straight easy as it looks...

Proj. Runway Redux - Talk About High Fashion

Gurl, is Seal sexting you again?  Yes.  I'm gonna kill my hub-send!
     Good morning, Designers!  Time to make this shit work again in the PR Redux from Hell.  Everyone was being a bitch this week, and so there's only 3 people left I don't wanna shoot in the face: Gay Anthony, Rich Bitch, and Black Bitch... everyone can suck my hem line if they like any of the other sluts (although Asian whorebag who can't sew and dykey granola bitch still not on my hideous list... YET) but I digress.
     As always, be warned, there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to stick a cucumber in your ass instead of a chainsaw (er, wait I got that backwards)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that refux...

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Random Bless - Blahktertainment

Please-to marry me now!  I'm of course talkin' to the snax.
     Howdy Ho my blessed beings.  It's that time again, time for me to get my bless hands all up in your orifices to help massage in the truth that is the random bless.  This time I'm gettin' real wit dat ish and talking about some racial shit that needs to be discussed.  But what-to could I be trynna bless like a Kardashian in a whore house?  Please-to read on, but don't forget that I'm on YOUR side, not the KKK's, which just this once does NOT stand for Krispy Kreme Krunkness... cuz when it comes down to it I got the KKreme's back in a knife fight no matter if Feorica herself was the one with the knife... but I dibless...

Gays Do It Better: Apathetic Stability

Care to cumment?  Cum what?  Me too, Gurl, trust.  Huh?
     Hey gayz and lezboynz, back in the habit Sister Act 2 style with another "Gays Do It Better".  Bringing you two fresh scrotes of knowledge that'll knock your straight guy knee high sox off like a finger in the ass during a BJ.  This entry is all about "nots", as in "I'm NOT eating that without bacon" or "You are NOT being fair, Noel Kahn for refusing to let me finish".  But let me STFU because you're NOT here for me (see what I did there?), you're here for the good gay shit.  So click on to see what Straights iz NOT as good as Gays at...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Searches That Brung U To Me

Talk about Land-Ho.  Get it?  Read left to right if you're a moron.
     Howdy Hobags... got another mini-post coming your way herpes-style.  This one is short, simple, and sweet, like a pencil dick with a smiley face drawn on it.  It's called "Searches That Brung U 2 Meh", and it's exactly that... search topics that led you to the Shamblette's Blog.  Nothing groundbreaking here, but this is just a mini-post to tide your ween juices until the next full post comes along.  So keep on reading to enjoy your perverted searches that somehow brought you to my Shamblefied world...

PLL Redux: Pedography On Lezbicide Watch

Surriously, Em... Another pic of your cooch?  Soary, I'm Canadian.
   Well well well, what've we here?  20lbs of noms?  Nope, but about 13.5lbs of dramz.  PLL was in full ridiculous force this week... but I count my blessinz chile cuz we got no Toby, or Melissa... but once again we also got no Mona or Noel Kahn (small ferocia prices to pay for them other lame-os).  But enough of my barking, climb on in to your creepy photo-lab, grab some pissa, and let's bite into this week's Redux like Hanna bites into everything-not-nailed-down... cuz there's much to digest, and not all of it's going down as easy as Mike's mood slash self on my ween...

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Hey Gurl Hey: Bone In-Groovement

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Gchats U Wish... Douche Plots & Band Vows

Skittle me that and taste THIS rainbow, bitch.
     It's that time again, another edition of G Chats U Wish U Wrote.  This week Kiki takes a backseat ride and Skittles returns to talk all things Shambles.  Included are convos regarding juices at the OBGYN, Degrassi plots, band hotties/notties, and finally commitment ceremonies and their granola side effects.  It's a shorter chat for sure, but it's not about the length, it's about how much money the ween attached to it is worth... or something.  So keep on reading to see what all the Shamble-filled fuss is all aboot...

Monday, August 8, 2011

The Bitch List: Useless Dino Tormentors

Dammit, Wendy... Ah said QUADRUPLE BACON!
     If I had a dollar for every time someone's already pissed me off this week, I'd be living in the Hogwarts Castle drinking unborn leopard juice from a diamond encrusted goblet of fire (yes I'm aware it's only Monday).  But alas I can only single out the top three things worthy of my bitchery thus far.  So before my bitch-boner wears off, why don't we just get to it after the jump...?

True Blood Redux: Chain Down My Fire Crotch

Sweet pink robe, Zombie Jessica.  Thx, bitch.  SUNLIGHT! 
     Lotta zombie talk this week on TB, guess they're trying to less-than-subtley get it into our head-parts that next year is the zombie and ghost season... I could be on board with that as long as they don't keep mind-raping the idea into our heads every five seconds like a shitty car dealership commercial repeats their jingle.  But enough about what might be next season, we got some this season to deal with after the jump.  Oh, and BTDubbs, this week I'm trying to condense things, so I'm pairing up characters as much as possible since there's so many of them.  That in mind, get out your demon dolls and sniff out that Sookie Cooch to discuss this week's eppy, which I must say was rather intense at it's nether parts before the credits...

Friday, August 5, 2011

Nerd Alert! The 90's Are Back Like Crabs

Bitches represent!
     Hey tit mongers... today's a weird day and I'm not up to my usual sass, so unless it's attached to you and looks like a ween, don't hold that against me.  Lots of video links in this week's Nerd Alert, so I hope you're someplace (like a Gynecologist's Office) that you can have a look around without things getting too messy.  So please-to glove up, assume the position, and prepare for me to stick these suggestions of the top 5 food groups of awesome into your gaping eye-ear-brain parts...

Project Runway Redux - Bow Wow WOW!

We're baaaack!  Miss us?  Now hand over your soul.
     Project Runway was back in all it's gloryhole last week, and boy did I miss it... but the reduxii aren't here until now because, 1: I wanted to enjoy that shit instead of taking notes, and 2: there were too many bitches to talk shit about and I wanted to wait until 5 of them were sent packing before I wasted anyone's (namely my) time.
     But now we're going full force rape-dick style into the season, and I'm bringing you more episode accessories than the entire Piperlime wall of hideo.  But enough gabbing from me, let's get to the faboosh, the "fuq no she didn't send that down the runway", and the (duh) fashions... but be warned, there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to leave the house in socks and sandals with a fanny pack, if you read something you didn't want to know...

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Random Bless: "Stray Voiced Doods"

...Needs a little less ho, and a LOT less mo.
     Oh man does I luz this new "Random Bless" feature.  Nearly every day I peep something worth slash in need of some laying of these sausagey "bless you chyyyyld" hands of mine... but this edition, you don't need eyes to peep these needers of bless (see [no pun] blind joke caption inside for proof... too soon?) you only need your ears and half a clue.  But what-to could I be blessing with all the power of the naturally occurring Vagisil that poureth through my veins?  Click on that "read more" to find out, and help me bless deez chillens...

Shambletta Stone: Terms to Know

Dude, my dick is bigger than ur torso.  And?  At least I'm tall.
     Like a baby dick you can't stop looking at that just wets your appetite for more deep penny, I'm introducing a series of recurring (like herpes, get it?) yet rando mini-posts from now on that will keep you informed and on your hands and knees long enough to satisfy them carnal desires until the next full-post comes along (all over your face).  So to start it all off, it's time you learned the vocab we use.  But honestly, if you don't know it by now, not only should you be shot but you should make flash cards too cuz the Shamcabulary is only gonna keep growing like a pedo dick at Chuck E Cheese..  Now jump up in this shit Stay Tuned style to peep this first edition Shambletta Stone...

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Gross Yuck Cool: Doo Doo Brush


Do. Not. Want!  Guuurl, yuh broff smell like shit!
     Been a hot breathed minute since our last Gross Yuck Cool, but it was well worth the wait cuz you bitches are in for a turd sized treat as this one is anything but shitty.  Ever wondered why that hot little brunette number in your "Yoga for Fatasses" class always has cat-butt breath?  Wanna know why that lezbo in the "All You Can Eat" section of your local Red Lobster has spots all over her teeth?  Yeah, neither do I.  But please-to read on to see what joyous GYC discovery we're in for this time... just make sure you keep the lid closed when you let this shit go down your brain-parts...

PLL Redux: Makin' Jokes With Hefty Hanna

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

AngryBitter & Jelly: Holier Than Thou Edition

Worship the camel toe, Bitches!
     Who (other than your bleached asshole or afrofied vageyenuh) likes douchebags?  Yeah me neither.  Which is why this edition of ABJ is so apropos.  This time my sammy of ABJ is full of shits and hoes that really get under my loosely assembled varicose covered skin.  So roll up those sleeves and find a grease-filled vein, cuz I'm 'boutta inject some ABJ truth into your ever widening mind-parts after the jump...


Is That A Thing? -- Horse Hung-Up Doodz

AIR!  That's right, Sonora. Air.  Now try to guess what this is.  RAPE!
      Hey diknommers and coochsamplers, bringing out the horse hung big guns this time for another edition of "Is That A Thing?".  This ITAT was brought to my attention by a coworker a week or so ago, and ever sense then I can't stop rolling my eyes at thez doods.  So get out your filing cabinets and prepare to add to the "Gay Hipster Dad" section, cuz we be discussin' a topic this week that's borderline homosexshul, borderline shortbus, and all kindsa making me say "nay" when asked if I'm down with this rainbow colored Mr. Ed bullshit.  So take the jump over the fence with me horse-jumping style and let's hope, unlike Senora Webster in Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken, that we (SPOILER) don't go blind from the task at hand...

Monday, August 1, 2011

Holy Hot Messes! - Floppin' Dem Fart Windows

Wasted, party of 1?  Is me!  Now Gimme dem shots'uh bacon grease!
      Who's ready for some steaming hot shitpiles of mess?  Please, only one at a time, a guy's bacon-wrapped heart can only take so many things at once.  This edition, I'm talking 'bout things that you might think I know nothing about (working out, stairs, actually getting off my ass to do something other than refill my Diet Dr. Pepper gallon jug), but trust Hobags and Slutnuggetz... I'm one cultured 7000 pound bitch.  So take the "click on keep reading" journey with me and see what Person, Place, and Thing takes the royal hot mess crown this week, but save me a spot inside...

True Blood Redux: Oh My Goddess, Y'allz Fuqed

Baby I was born this way.
       Like a gay in the club when a GaGa song comes on, there was some mad body possession going on this week on TB.  Oh, and in case you didn't know based on everyone saying it every five minutes... it was a full moon this week on TB too. (Awesome Name/Person Alert!) Raelle Tucker wrote this one, and bitch has mad skills as it was the best of the season for sure: zingers, pubes-ass-&-tittays, no Portia and minuscule Bill... Bless Ms. Tucker for her gifts of blessed be (and for writing me back that one time on Facebook, mad props RT, for reelz).  But enough about me and my wonderful satty fat filled life, what else went down like Tara on her girlfriend this week in Bon Temps?...