PLL Redux: A'd Like To Make A Call Preez

Clearly Emily farted, but Aria's the one that stinks.

     Oh man, other than everything edible, there's nothing I love more than a fresh ass episode of Pretty Little Liars.  This week's eppy was full of it's usual non-plausible moments, and "A" lot of Gay Lucas, but that's why I love this show so much that I bought a PLL 2012 wall calendar (hey, if we're all gonna die or whatever, at least I'll do it while Hefty Hanna scowls at me from across the room ALA the pic above).  But this isn't about me, it's about what went down last night like Aria at a Daddy-Issues convention for horribly eyebrowed youths.  So take the jump on in here Kris Kross style and see what the hell went down this week in Rosewood...

Holy Hot Messes: Membershit Only Warehouse

Ten points if you can find the black guy.

     Oh my grits, Lil' Baconators... it's 2012 and I'm back full time to bring in the new year with a whole heap of Shambles to keep your jellies jammin' til blood runs in the streets and we all die or whatever because the Mayan calendar-makers got lazy.  But in lighter news, I'm boutta bring your lard-infused asses another heap of Holy Hot Mess, and this time it's a place that not even Lady Gaga's penis would wanna go in.  No, it's not a Kardashian Cooch or "da Club", but the place in question is just as full of random shit you don't need, and just as easy to get in to...

PLL Redux: Back In thA Hood Like Sista Act 2

Caynt cancel dis kitty cooch. Um, axshly I can. U nxt "St. Of Georgia"

     Happy Jew-thousand-12, Lil' Baconators.  I know you've missed me throwback Pepsi style, but like the chemicals in that Devil's juice, I always find a way back into your life to cause chaos and ever-widening hips.  It's been a hot-ass minute since we've had a new epi-soda (see what I did there?) of Pretty Little Hobags Liars, and like that one time after that condomless orgy in a dark alley behind Ross Dress For Less, the wait to find out what went down since then was agonizing.  

    Well it's finally time to get close to "A" and her/him/it/Mona/they's identity; cuz that endless-text-plan-having skank is back to torment the sluttiest 17 year-olds on TV this side of a Teen Mom, and I'm here to Redux the shit out of it after the jump, but hurry, or you might have to sit through another episode of Melissa and Joey and wish we could all get cancelled die like that Chloe King skank and her allegeded 9 lives...  

Nerd Alert! End of Year Shamgestions

I'd steal your crazy too, but I'm good in that department.

     Happy Hol-i-gayz, Lil' Baconators.  All Some of you may know that every year, my dear Shamblette friend, LaCray LeMansh puts out a list of the top albums, movies, TV, and books for the year on Facebook in a note called "the best-of list".  Well he's lame, because clearly he hasn't realized Facebook Notes are sooo 200late.  But, seeing as how I agree with his picks (because he likes everything I do since he wants to be me [minus 500 pounds]), I'm posting his list here on the Shamblette's as a sort of end-of-year Nerd Alert post with his Shamgestions for the top recommendations in the world of entergaynment.  

     I'm not proud of my theft, but neither were Lindsay Lohan and Winona Ryder.  But, unlike them, I won't turn into a lesbian or play a washed up has-been in Black Swan, instead I'll hold my chins up high and say that what follows after the jump are LaCray's top picks of 2011, and I whole-baconwrapped-heartedly agree with them.  Let me know in the comments if you do too...

Gays Do It Better: Court Is Now In Fashionz

Close ya mouf, Clinton! I said juicy couture, not Di'ju C Cock, Whore?

     What's up, fellow Gays and Straights?  If you answered "my ween" then I object and you really need to get out more.  But if you answered, "not shit", then I sustain, overrule, and say pass the chips and call me later cuz we have lots in common.  But I digress with thoughts of satty fats.  

     This edition of Gays Do It Better is a bit of a given, but don't hold me in contempt of court for speaking my mind.  Just click on in here and read about how it's in every Gay's constitution to speak their mind when their straight counterparts axe, "Hey Gurl hey, how does I look in this outfits?"...

The Bitch List: Shhh... I'm Droppin' D's Hurr

It's called the Men's Room for a reason, Poo-lette!

     Cross those legs and hide that toilet paper on your shoe, Adrian Grenadine is here as always to add another name to the (like Kim Kardashian's cooch) ever widening scroll of paper known as "The Bitch List".  Tis' the holiday season, so like Santa I've made this list, checked it twice, and still can't scratch this edition's offender off the naughty side.  But why, you axe?  Well you'll just have to read on to find out.  But here's a clue, the ones being christened on my Bitch List this time are taking things they shouldn't in a place they're not allowed, and frankly, what they're doing is pretty shitty.  And it's my duty (tee hee) to put them back in their place...

Shambletta Stone: Terms to Know - 2

Happy Ho-lidays, from the Jersey Shore Bebehs!

    Moist Monday to you, HoHoHobags.  Tis' almost the season for prezzies under the tree, unleavened bread beneath the Ikea table, and dashiki head-dresses or whatever you wear for Kwanza.  So since I'm in the giving mood, instead of herpes carrying crabs, I'm gonna give you Lil' Baconators a treat this December Monday... in the form of another edition of the Shambletta Stone to help define those terms I use that, like the word toothbrush, you in the deep south and parts of Florida/California may not understand.  So click on in here for a short little post that keeps on giving knowledge like blistering sores once or twice a year... but don't forget your ointment...

Nerd Alert! Pushing Out More Treasures

It only hurts for laik 7 seconds, then it starts feelin' goodz!

     Like a twist ending to an M. Night Shyamalan porn, I've realized that I haven't put out a Nerd Alert post since August.  Also like that M. Night porn, I've attempted to make you forget about my muff-up by pretending like my lapse in judgement (Lady in the Water, The Happening, everything he made after Signs) never happened, by bringing you fresh nerdy content to wipe away those former missteps like boogers on a computer screen.
     So pop on in here drunk-uncle-you-have-to-share-a-bed-with-at-X-mas style, and please-to prepare to discover some things in the food groups of Books and TV that, like that baby you ate years ago and haven't seen since, you may not have known were waiting to come out and make your life more interesting...

Gchats U Wish... Vulgur Jelly & Incest Herpes

Don't go there, Gurrfren!  That shit ids nastee.

    Oh boy, oh boi, oh buoy, if you're easily offended, please-to DO NOT read on past the jump.  Because me and Shamblina are at it full NSFW style, and like a 400 item buffet, nothing is off limits from our carnal desires.  I stumbled upon this treasure of a Gchat in the archives of awesome known as my inbox, and I couldn't stop marveling at how ridiculous we got talking more shit than a backed up gas station toilet after an all you can nom crab-meat festival.  So grab your sibling, send the kiddies to bed, and click on that "keep reading" shiz to revel in how much more offensive interesting my online chat-sessions are than yours...

Holy Hot Messes! - Insane Doggy Style

Tupper-where the hell U been, Adrian Grenadine?

      Like your period last month, did y'all Lil' Baconators miss me?  I've been off in the land of employment trying to be skinny and become no longer single, but like that orgy with Sam Jaeger and Noel Kahn from PLL, it's just not happening.  So while I was in re-flab, trying not to eat anyone and everything that came into the fatcinity of my cake hole, I just missed my loyal follower(s) too murch, and thus I'm back full time to bring in the holiday season with a big rape-bang.  

     But enough being all sappy and nice, it's time to get to the shit talkin' all 3 of you come here for as I break down someone who, much like a dick in an oven, is truly a hot mess.  In an attempt to streamline content and make more frequent posts, I'm pulling a Briss and cutting the posts down for your (and future lovers') enjoyment, thus there's only a Hot Mess Person this time, and not a Place or Thing.  But like that post-Briss ween, they will come eventually.  So read on to see who gets my hot mess approval this time around, but I warn you, she ain't pretty...