Is It In Yet? - Feeding The Problem

The margo glass is her b-hole, the skraws her pubes, guess what the Corona is?

     Like your period after that late night trip to the back-alley behind pizza hut next to that frat house, I took some time off (a month to be exact), but like that rash on your cooch after that early morning trip to the front of that herpes dick; I may go away, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna come back when you least expect it.  So face it, Lil' Baconators, there's no getting rid of me forever.  

     Those lovely sentiments aside, allow me to get back to bidness and bring you a brand new spankin' Is It In Yet? post to start off the relaunch of the Shamblette's.  But be warned, my month off has only made me more shambled, so if you're ready to read, I'm ready to feed... your eye parts with hilarity...
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Is it in yet???... Un-spirational Nomming!     

Fuq the kids, I wants Bacon!

      Please-to don't mistake this for the drop diet cuz it's NOT the same thing, but however henceforth the end result is still the same: To not be mistake for Precious on the street.  I'm sure you're wondering what the hell this is, so I'll stop blue balling you and just get all up in dem juicy deets.

     The Unspirational Diet is something that we ALL need to be doing.  Anyone can be inspired to do some lame shit slash eat 40 pound of bacon, but 'tis harder to un-spire yourself to not throw back that fifteenth baconator, or haul major ass on those leftover pig feets from yesterday's mid-morning pre-lunch-snack snack.  But how does it all work you axe?  It's easy, just write or place an image of something unspirational or fuqing disgusting on the lid of your food as a reminder that, no, maybe you shouldn't eat that.  

     

Right idea, wrong execution.

     The system works in two different ways.  The first is to un-spire you from eating by making you feel guilty and hideous therefore un-hungry.  This is achieved by writing unspirational phrases of shambled truth on the lid to everything you eat.  

     For Sexample: Writing "fatass" on that tub of icing will remind you exactly who you are before you dip your bagel bites in it for dessert.  Reading "Unstoppable Middle Roll" on that package of cornbread will keep you from adding ice cream to it and making a cornbread shake (dayum that sounds good).  The options are infinite, just find those wonderful phrases you know will make you wish you could cut yourself and or make yourself vom in the toilet instead of eating those deliciously lard-filled treats.

If you want dem Doritos you gotta get past me!

    The second way the system works is by making you lose your appetite with unspirational words/phrases or images that bring about horrifying imagery that no Precious can overcome.  For Shamxample:  When feeling tempted to delve into that leftover tuna salad with extra mayo, you'll be less inspired to nom when you read "Grandma's Pussay" or see an old lady cooch pic on the lid before you do.  

Bet you want those veggies now.  I'll take a cucumber preez!

     If that tub of Oreos and ranch dressing is calling your name, you'll pass on that ish when you see the phrase or image of a "gaping asshole" on the tub of ranch in which your marinating said Oreos of doom.  But it works the other way around too.  Put a hot chick or picture of Sam Jaeger (like the above) on the lid to the broccoli florets and you'll be throwing back veggie chunks like jizz at a bukake party.

Oh, sorry... I only eat Brooklyn style.

     In Shammation, I didn't say it was pretty.  I didn't say it would be easy, but Unspirational Nomming is just one of many alternative ways in which to lose those extra 600 pounds.  I mean, who wouldn't eat a stalk of celery or make a healthy salad when everything but the lettuce and veggies reads: "You parents having sex" or "Razorblade Rape" or "Ugly Bitch" on the lid?  To me it's a full proof system, and even if you get desensitized to the phrases and images, the psychological damage you'll do to yourself will probably inspire bulimia or anorexia anyway, so it's win win in my book.  Clearly this is an amazing diet technique, so why isn't it in yet?  I'd love to hear your thoughts below in the comments.     

     ---- A. Greno.