Is It In Yet? - Literally Dropping Pounds

Why is that plate still on the table, U fuqin' idiot?!  Ooh pasta!

     You may have noticed I've been posting a LOT less these days, well get over it like Miracle herpes because that's just how it's gonna be since I'm suuuper busy eating and not moving from the couch these days.  Quality over quantittays, Hobags.  On a less "what an asshole" note, Summer's over and we don't have to suck it in and layer up to cover the fat rolls of shame anymore.  However now it's approaching the end of year lardass holiday season and with all the tra-la-la-la-las and Gobble Gobble's that come with the holidays comes lots of nomminig and getting fat.  Fortunately I'm here to peep you in on the latest craze I've discovered in a vision of carbs that'll help you eat everything not nailed down while also keeping your middle rolls to a minimum...

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Is it in yet???... THE DROP DIET!

I might not eat foodz but I willz eat Chu, lil' bitch.

   Like babies that won't listen or turds in a shitbowl, the drop diet is here to help you get rid of those unwanted pounds by dropping them on the ground.  How does this work you axe?  Well lemme explain, but prepare to have your mindparts blown.

     Picture it (Sophia from The Golden Girls style).  You've got a big ass plate of bacon, fries, and/or cake that you're about to haul ass on Precious style.  You know you shouldn't eat it all but you can't stop the haunting cries from your love shamdles to "fuqing eat that shit, Tubbs".  Please-to tell me how-to I can fight my biology and cut down on the noms?  By dropping them on the ground.  Yes, yes I know chilrenz are starving in Africa or whatever, but they're gonna keep starving no matter how much you do or don't eat (Ignorant American Truth Shambles).  But before you break out that chest-bomb and tear in to me like a porterhouse wrapped in bacon and drizzled with icing, I'll stop stalling and explain what the hell this thing is.

I know I'z lookin' for bitches, but not laik dis.  Nom!

     Make food, drop it, whatever stays on the plate you eat, the rest you throw away... It's that simple.  Bonus feature: Do it on a dirty floor or outside so you're not tempted to eat what fell off the plate.  And hey, it's kinda exercise because you know after a while you're gonna have to learn how to contort your body jussst right so you drop the plate precisely enough to get maximun foodage on the plate instead of it falling onto the stank nastay surface you're dropping it on.  Obvi-clearly please-to make sure the plate to surface ratio isn't glass to hardwood floor or whatever obvi, you don't want shards of glass in the food you're eating (or do you?).  

     If you're worried about wasting the food and you're like me, a little dirt or mud or dog turds won't stop you from eating what fell off the plate ntway (pathetic cheating on your diet Shambles), and if not you can feed the scraps to your dog, children, housekeeper, lovuuuuh, or whatever to make sure nothing (like gallons of fat) goes to waist waste.  So getstuh droppin those pounds fellow lardasses and Shamblettes, the future of the world slash your fat ass may depend on it.