Nerd Alert! End of Year Shamgestions

I'd steal your crazy too, but I'm good in that department.

     Happy Hol-i-gayz, Lil' Baconators.  All Some of you may know that every year, my dear Shamblette friend, LaCray LeMansh puts out a list of the top albums, movies, TV, and books for the year on Facebook in a note called "the best-of list".  Well he's lame, because clearly he hasn't realized Facebook Notes are sooo 200late.  But, seeing as how I agree with his picks (because he likes everything I do since he wants to be me [minus 500 pounds]), I'm posting his list here on the Shamblette's as a sort of end-of-year Nerd Alert post with his Shamgestions for the top recommendations in the world of entergaynment.  

     I'm not proud of my theft, but neither were Lindsay Lohan and Winona Ryder.  But, unlike them, I won't turn into a lesbian or play a washed up has-been in Black Swan, instead I'll hold my chins up high and say that what follows after the jump are LaCray's top picks of 2011, and I whole-baconwrapped-heartedly agree with them.  Let me know in the comments if you do too...

Gays Do It Better: Court Is Now In Fashionz

Close ya mouf, Clinton! I said juicy couture, not Di'ju C Cock, Whore?

     What's up, fellow Gays and Straights?  If you answered "my ween" then I object and you really need to get out more.  But if you answered, "not shit", then I sustain, overrule, and say pass the chips and call me later cuz we have lots in common.  But I digress with thoughts of satty fats.  

     This edition of Gays Do It Better is a bit of a given, but don't hold me in contempt of court for speaking my mind.  Just click on in here and read about how it's in every Gay's constitution to speak their mind when their straight counterparts axe, "Hey Gurl hey, how does I look in this outfits?"...

The Bitch List: Shhh... I'm Droppin' D's Hurr

It's called the Men's Room for a reason, Poo-lette!

     Cross those legs and hide that toilet paper on your shoe, Adrian Grenadine is here as always to add another name to the (like Kim Kardashian's cooch) ever widening scroll of paper known as "The Bitch List".  Tis' the holiday season, so like Santa I've made this list, checked it twice, and still can't scratch this edition's offender off the naughty side.  But why, you axe?  Well you'll just have to read on to find out.  But here's a clue, the ones being christened on my Bitch List this time are taking things they shouldn't in a place they're not allowed, and frankly, what they're doing is pretty shitty.  And it's my duty (tee hee) to put them back in their place...

Shambletta Stone: Terms to Know - 2

Happy Ho-lidays, from the Jersey Shore Bebehs!

    Moist Monday to you, HoHoHobags.  Tis' almost the season for prezzies under the tree, unleavened bread beneath the Ikea table, and dashiki head-dresses or whatever you wear for Kwanza.  So since I'm in the giving mood, instead of herpes carrying crabs, I'm gonna give you Lil' Baconators a treat this December Monday... in the form of another edition of the Shambletta Stone to help define those terms I use that, like the word toothbrush, you in the deep south and parts of Florida/California may not understand.  So click on in here for a short little post that keeps on giving knowledge like blistering sores once or twice a year... but don't forget your ointment...

Nerd Alert! Pushing Out More Treasures

It only hurts for laik 7 seconds, then it starts feelin' goodz!

     Like a twist ending to an M. Night Shyamalan porn, I've realized that I haven't put out a Nerd Alert post since August.  Also like that M. Night porn, I've attempted to make you forget about my muff-up by pretending like my lapse in judgement (Lady in the Water, The Happening, everything he made after Signs) never happened, by bringing you fresh nerdy content to wipe away those former missteps like boogers on a computer screen.
     So pop on in here drunk-uncle-you-have-to-share-a-bed-with-at-X-mas style, and please-to prepare to discover some things in the food groups of Books and TV that, like that baby you ate years ago and haven't seen since, you may not have known were waiting to come out and make your life more interesting...

Gchats U Wish... Vulgur Jelly & Incest Herpes

Don't go there, Gurrfren!  That shit ids nastee.

    Oh boy, oh boi, oh buoy, if you're easily offended, please-to DO NOT read on past the jump.  Because me and Shamblina are at it full NSFW style, and like a 400 item buffet, nothing is off limits from our carnal desires.  I stumbled upon this treasure of a Gchat in the archives of awesome known as my inbox, and I couldn't stop marveling at how ridiculous we got talking more shit than a backed up gas station toilet after an all you can nom crab-meat festival.  So grab your sibling, send the kiddies to bed, and click on that "keep reading" shiz to revel in how much more offensive interesting my online chat-sessions are than yours...

Holy Hot Messes! - Insane Doggy Style

Tupper-where the hell U been, Adrian Grenadine?

      Like your period last month, did y'all Lil' Baconators miss me?  I've been off in the land of employment trying to be skinny and become no longer single, but like that orgy with Sam Jaeger and Noel Kahn from PLL, it's just not happening.  So while I was in re-flab, trying not to eat anyone and everything that came into the fatcinity of my cake hole, I just missed my loyal follower(s) too murch, and thus I'm back full time to bring in the holiday season with a big rape-bang.  

     But enough being all sappy and nice, it's time to get to the shit talkin' all 3 of you come here for as I break down someone who, much like a dick in an oven, is truly a hot mess.  In an attempt to streamline content and make more frequent posts, I'm pulling a Briss and cutting the posts down for your (and future lovers') enjoyment, thus there's only a Hot Mess Person this time, and not a Place or Thing.  But like that post-Briss ween, they will come eventually.  So read on to see who gets my hot mess approval this time around, but I warn you, she ain't pretty...

SILOHBS: Dick Sniff Lookers

Daym, Gurr put that thing away, it staynk.  What thing?

     Hope you've got your perfume out, cuz this edition of "Stuff I Like Or Hate But Shouldn't" will leave a few of you scratching your heads, and others of you scratching your cooch with wonderment because the people I'm focusing on here are a true conundrum.  These folks (almost always white), are People Who Look Like They Smell Like Day Old Penis.  I know, it's strange, but so are these folks.  Don't worry, I'll provide examples of what I mean after the jump... but first, do I love or hate these DSL's (dick sniff lookers not dick sucking lips Shambles)?  Well, to be honest I...

Top Model Redux: Back-words In Rhyme

Damn, Tyrasauraus Rex, U giving me NOTHING with dem arms.

    Top of the Model to you, Bitches.  After my month-atus from the Shamblette's, we've lost even more skinny bitches to the panel of elimination death, headed by Queen Hobag herself and also Tyra Banks (ZING! Shambles).  My lame Andre Leon Talley diss outta the way, let's pretend like we aren't trying to turn back time like prehistoric skankwads by pretending that we aren't down like 5 twig-bitches since last time I posted on this "show", move on from my gap in reduxin', and get back to the shit talkin' and skinny bitch judging after the jump... 

Is It In Yet? - Feeding The Problem

The margo glass is her b-hole, the skraws her pubes, guess what the Corona is?

     Like your period after that late night trip to the back-alley behind pizza hut next to that frat house, I took some time off (a month to be exact), but like that rash on your cooch after that early morning trip to the front of that herpes dick; I may go away, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna come back when you least expect it.  So face it, Lil' Baconators, there's no getting rid of me forever.  

     Those lovely sentiments aside, allow me to get back to bidness and bring you a brand new spankin' Is It In Yet? post to start off the relaunch of the Shamblette's.  But be warned, my month off has only made me more shambled, so if you're ready to read, I'm ready to feed... your eye parts with hilarity...