Top Model Redux: Hot Dogs & Hoe-nuts

Bangs = Hideo.  Snax = Yumbo.  Can't stand = You

     Howdy hotdogs and slutnuggets, you skinny bitches.  Top Model was back and even thought there was crying and threats of leaving the show a plenty (is this record skipping Shambles?) it also had me sleeping and sweating all at the same time.  But enough about the cliche' bullshit that's around every season, this episode the Rexolimic modeltestants actually ate food and let someone take pictures of them eating said food for evidence.  But before your cooch explodes with confusion, let's get to the Reduxin now or someone might decide to keep them hotweenz down... 

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SPOILER WARNING - I'm gonna post who got the boot at the bottom, so duh... don't read that last part if you don't wanna know who went home.  Ok let's get to this shit.

 

----- INTRO SHIT -----

 

I didn't know Isis had a brother.  Oh wait that's Ashley Simpson.

     Recap of last week, Brittany went home and had to eat something, bitches talking about the "amazing" prizes, and Alexandria gives crazy face about how upset she is that everyone hates her.  Asian bitch talks about how not useless she is, Tyra shows up with a gaywad Martin Lindstrom or something "branding" dude.

     Poll results, people from some lame ass rando survey about how people see the cumtestants for who they really are.  First bitch is a rebel or something, Asian bitch is unexpected because (according to her) people can't tell the difference between Asians or something, and my girl Kayla apparently needs to drop the gayness thing because it's "soooo five years ago"... or something.  Yeah my eyes are rolling too.

     Oooh, new intro credits thingy (the theme song is unrecognizable, and the names go by too fast slash are written in a too-small-to-read font), commercial break already?  Everyone gets their lame ass words and talks about what they think of said words. (eye roll times a dick-million).  Bianca starts taking her word "candid" literally and starts yelling at skinny bitches for talking shit about her or something.  Ugh can't we take pictures already?  Oh wait silver headed gayway Mr. Jay is here with a baldheaded lezbo lookin' Ashlee Simpson promoting her album or whatever, dropping the word "brand", and lettin' the skinnytestants know that makeovers (excuse me, "Ty-overs" = Tyra Makeovers, stab me in the face) are on the way.

----- TYMAKEOVERS, SLUTRAGS!!! -----

I got more smolder in my cooch than any y'all bitch's got combined.

     Same shit, different day.  One bitch threatens to leave, another is over the top, and where the fuq is Laura at?  Guess that means she's safe this week since we haven't seen more than a fart's worth of screen time from her.  Top Model I love you (clearly since I'm giving you weekly Reduxii) but you're really trying to cram this "drama" down our throats.  I just wanna see the pretty pictures and send one bitch packing. 

     Oh wait a minute, plot twist.  The J hobags are bringing Pink's hotdogs to these slutheads.  Not only will none of them eat them I'm sure, but why don't I have like 45 of them in my faceparts?  Jelly, party of Adrian.

----- PHOTO SHOOT TIME, BITCHES!!! -----

Catering by Isis (Tranny Shambles)

     Oh wait, there's Laura, ordering a hot dog.  Of course.  NTWayz, the challenge is to create a Pink's hotdog based on your brand word or something while eating a hotdog (insert dick sucking joke/footage here).

     Laura does awesome, so awesome in fact that she's axed to come on set and show a bitch how to eat a dog.  Asian bitch has a nice dress, but sux at modeling slash being a human.  Alexandria cries again, and Bre is bitching about hating her hair even though she looks fuqin amazing!

     Kayla is struggling, damn.  Get it together, Gurl.  You can't leave, you're supposed to win this.  Lisa, you looka like a man, but I love your "skinny little bitch" hotdog, no bun, all fun... yeah I said it.  So that's done, but what I wanna know is...

----- WHAT DEM PIX LOOK LIKE??????? -----

Angelea - You look like you just shit yourself... after doing some crack.  Love you, Ho.

Laura - Damn, Gurl you are FEROSH!  Hope you win, bitch.

Bianca - Nice smile, but the pic is kinda cheesy.  Plus, you look like this Asian bitch I know.

Lisa -The pic is cool, I can see what you're eating though so that's gross... like your haircut.

Bre - Gurl you is giving me "fuq Yoo ifyuh eat mah hotdog" eyes in that pic.  I kinda love it.

Dominique - Survivor?  That's your word.  Good luck with that, you manly bitch.

Sheena - The only thing unexpected about this pic is that you think you're a model.

Isis - You look like you're grabbing your dick.  Since you're a man, you probably are.

Kayla - I'm worried about you, Gurl.  But I think they love you too, so hope you're safe.

Allison - Interesting pic of course, beautiful eyes.  You're safe.

Camille - Stupid.  Enjoy the bottom two, slutrag.  It's sad b/c I agree with Aslee Simpson. 

Shannon - Bitch you look crazy.  Trustworthy?  I don't think so.  Go away, you lame hobag.

Alexandria - Sweet overbite, Alex.  You look like a redneck Jodie Foster.

----- PANEL TIME, SLUTS! -----

Dammit, Andre' I said MAXI pad, not iPad!!!

     The panel of death deblubberates about the sluttestants, I won't recrap their thoughts as you'll see what happened in the results below... plus they're boring the bacon outta me with their lame ass comments.  But they did take to heart my bitching over Nigel's hair and cut that shit randomly to kill some more time.  So with that in mind...

 

..... Let's get like me in Boyscouts and start calling people out.

SAFE - (best photo = Lisa) gross.... Big Face Bianca, Alexandria, Laura (HEYYYY!), Angelea (HEYYY!), Dominique, Shannon (bleh), Alison, Isis (ugh), Bre, Camille...

... will Sheena and Kayla please step forward? (FUQ ME, NOOOO KAYLA.  Stay Preez!) [side note, I'm guessing hoping Sheena's bullshitting about Asian models or whatever at the top of the episode means she's a goner)

... I see two hawngry bitches before me, but only one can keep pretending to eat for another week.  But which slutrag stays, and which goes...?

What?  Yoo no like?  No, Bitch.  Me no like.

SAFE - Kayla (YYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!)

MADE TO DRINK REGGO COKE AND GET OFF THE STAGE? ------ Sheena (pictured above)

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This how the finale should be sans all them other bitches 'cept Laura.

     Have to say, this ep was pretty lame up until I thought my favorite lez was gonna get the early boot... but she didn't, so what did you think about the results? (crickets)... yeah whatev I know this isn't LOST or anything but I still enjoy it and I still enjoy talking shit about people who are more attractive than I'll ever be (even if they're wearing HIDEOSH American Flag pants - as seen above).  Two weeks/hobags down, 11 more to go until we have another irrelevant winner.  See you next week, Bottom Betty Models.

     ----- Adrian "fierce" Grenadine