Searches That Brung U To Me - 3

Manfaceuhraptor alert!

     Get out that ointment, Ho-asaurauses... cuz it is-be time for another round of searches that led you to my lovely little blog.  Per usual, you people are weirdos, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  So take the jump and see just what it is that (my commentary in parentheses) you pervs at home are searching for during your God-Knows-What private time and, instead of finding Deena from Jersey Shore's poosay, you're getting a little bitta Shamblette's...

Project Runway Redux - Fatty Menz... Wear?

HK issa microphone, notta icecream cone. (hawngry bitch Shambles)

     Last night's episode was CLEARLY brought to you by Garnier, and fake accented Asian snobs who don't like fat people or anything other than a boring color palette (wonder who I'm talking about Shambles).  We're down to 8 Hobags, Lil' Baconators... so the competish is getting tighter than a two year old.  Once again we've got a group challenge, but with emphases on the Indo (as in vidual) designers.  But enough gabbin', let's get to all the juicy inner thigh deets from this week.

     As always though, be warned... there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you took a dump in your friends' purse and called it a "doggy bag" (why didn't you catch the bag on fire and ring the doorbell Shambles)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that Redux...

Top Model Redux: Hot Dogs & Hoe-nuts

Bangs = Hideo.  Snax = Yumbo.  Can't stand = You

     Howdy hotdogs and slutnuggets, you skinny bitches.  Top Model was back and even thought there was crying and threats of leaving the show a plenty (is this record skipping Shambles?) it also had me sleeping and sweating all at the same time.  But enough about the cliche' bullshit that's around every season, this episode the Rexolimic modeltestants actually ate food and let someone take pictures of them eating said food for evidence.  But before your cooch explodes with confusion, let's get to the Reduxin now or someone might decide to keep them hotweenz down... 

AngryBitter & Jelly: I Ain't You Edition

Stop tryin', bitch (literally).  Yoo ain't never gonna be oneuh us.

     Word up, Hobags.  Who missed me? (Crickets) that's what I thought.  But whether you like it or not, I'm back after a few week's of feeding and ready to get muh AngryBitter & Jelly sammich on.  This time I'm talking 'bout shits that I am not a part of and (sadly) probably never will be.  So pull those fat rolls up, tuck those quadruple chins back, and keep on reading after the jump to see just what's making me angry, bitter, and jelly this time around...

Holy Hot Messes: Nompooing Drive Sticks

Daaamn, Chelsea Clinton.  Yoo iz skruggalin.

     Ugly bitches and Stank ass hoes, it's been a hot mess minute since we've delved into some holy hot messes... but all the wait was worth it cuz the flaming pile of mess I'm presenting here to you like a cat butt in your face-parts is gonna get those jelly parts jammin' in hopes that the air conditioning finally kicks in and cools off the hotness coming off these shitz known as this edition's person, place, and thing of Holy Hot Messes.  So throw back that holy water like it's buttery nipplez and please-to keep all arms and humps inside the car at all times, cuz I am NOT responsible for any articles lost or shambled during this ride...

Project Runway Redux - Manboobs By Gayz

The Verdict is in: Those 90's mom Jeans are atrosh, Mikey Kors.

      Lotta' talk about tittays this week, and no one seemed to appreciate it.  But like sports in a gay bar, the sound of crickets will overrun the boob talk so I'm not gonna pussyfoot around with the lane ass zingers... instead I'll jump right into the Redux that (like Joshua's megabrows) only two people care about.

     As always though, be warned... there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to tie a sugardick to your face and call it sweet tea bagging (this bitch has lost his mind Shambles)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that Refux...

Top Model Redux: Eunita Cheeseburger

Crazy bitch alert!  Yoo gonna finish that?

     Hey sluts and skinny bitches, master Grenadine is here with a new set of recaps just for you and your fat relatives.  That's right, Lil' Baconators, Top Model is back and that means more crazy bitches, more people who need a bite to eat (Eunita Cheeseburger, get it?), and more drama than a gay bar with a NO LADY GAGA policy (Gay Hatesplosion Shambles).  So stick those fingers down your throat, pull out your best smize for the camz, and let's get to the Reduxin before someone decides to keep their food down...

Is It In Yet? - Literally Dropping Pounds

Why is that plate still on the table, U fuqin' idiot?!  Ooh pasta!

     You may have noticed I've been posting a LOT less these days, well get over it like Miracle herpes because that's just how it's gonna be since I'm suuuper busy eating and not moving from the couch these days.  Quality over quantittays, Hobags.  On a less "what an asshole" note, Summer's over and we don't have to suck it in and layer up to cover the fat rolls of shame anymore.  However now it's approaching the end of year lardass holiday season and with all the tra-la-la-la-las and Gobble Gobble's that come with the holidays comes lots of nomminig and getting fat.  Fortunately I'm here to peep you in on the latest craze I've discovered in a vision of carbs that'll help you eat everything not nailed down while also keeping your middle rolls to a minimum...

TB Redux: Happy Samhaimween Finale Time!

And cry bacon flavored tears for two of said dead.

     Ok, firsty all, this edition is mad spoiler filled, so if you haven't seen the finale (like unsaturated fats) get the hell away from me until you have.

     Aight, with that outta the way, a lot of shit went down in the finale.  I feel like I'm back at church camp and the counsilors gave us the bug juice.  Everyone guard your a-hole, cuz some mad shit is about to enter your body parts, and this time it's not attached to father Dickerson.  We got two evil bitches coming back to reap hell next season.  We got two forms of useless dead, one form of awesome dead (RIP bitch), and another form of used to be awesome but lost some of her spunk in recent seasons due to awful shit, but I hope on my double-chunk middle roll that she'll be back next season in ghost form.

     Now, before I reveal too much pre the jump, let's get into the itty bitty titty nitty gritty of this week's awesome Suckmahjuicyween finale (Halloween pun Shambles) before I start killing cute stuff in celebration anger from what happened...

Project Runway Redux - Fivegy Of Death

His dix in my hand, even though my arms are crossed. (WTF Shamz)

     Make it jerk, Designers (not so subtle handjob reference Shambles).  Wasn't no post yesterday, and no one sent me hate-burgerz in the mail.  But I'm black today with the ole' faithful Project Runway Redux that all one of you look forward to.  So let's just hang up our hangers, pleat out those gauchos, and get to it cuz like my period, better late than never on this redux.
     As always though, be warned... there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to shove a live cat up your ass and call it boi-pussay (gaywad went too far Shambles)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that Refux...