Holy Hot Messes: Nompooing Drive Sticks

Daaamn, Chelsea Clinton.  Yoo iz skruggalin.

     Ugly bitches and Stank ass hoes, it's been a hot mess minute since we've delved into some holy hot messes... but all the wait was worth it cuz the flaming pile of mess I'm presenting here to you like a cat butt in your face-parts is gonna get those jelly parts jammin' in hopes that the air conditioning finally kicks in and cools off the hotness coming off these shitz known as this edition's person, place, and thing of Holy Hot Messes.  So throw back that holy water like it's buttery nipplez and please-to keep all arms and humps inside the car at all times, cuz I am NOT responsible for any articles lost or shambled during this ride...
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PERSON(s):  Bathroom Eaters/Drinkers

Wasteful... but less offensive.  TRUST!

     In the same genus as "shit talkers", bathroom eaters and drinkers are a rare form of mess known as "stank as hell bitches who I will NOT friend on the Facebooks".  It's one thing to secretly drop a Kardashian in the toilet while talking to me on the phone, but it is another thing ENTIRELY to bring some noms with you while you're committing the shame that shall not be named.  We all know I will throw down a pissa or 35 no matter what time of day it is or whose watching, but once the room I'm nomming in has tile flooring and smells like shit, I draw the line (unless it's that kill room from Saw, then I'll cut off my own foot to get to the pepperoni and exkra cheese slices).  But I digress.
     In with the new, out with the old is what sleezeballs say in regards to their wives and ladyparts, not what they should say while droppin' it like it's hot on the toy toy.  DP3, An old friend of mine was roomates in College with these two amazon twins who used to throw back philly cheesesteaks and shit while dropping donkey's double time (I wish I was kidding Shambles).  Now that shit (literally) is just disgusting, and for more than the obvi reasons.  I mean if you don't finish what you're eating during your "session", what are you gonna do with those hands pre, during, and post wipe (shudder).  Besides, even if you finish your noms in the bafroom, avid Shamblettes readers know that doo doo gristle and pee shizz is gonna float through the airs and find themselves on your bacon wrapped donut bites... it's just science folks.
     Sadly, drinking while peeing isn't as gross, and is kinda funny in a way for some reason, but it's still a hot ass mess and should be frowned upon.  So like saying 'no thanks' when asked if you want a refill, don't do it, Hobags.  Cuz it might be a lot less offensive than shit eating, but it's still Michelle Rodnastay.
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PLACE:  DMV

Drivers' tests to the left.  Rapes and murders to the right.

     This one's easy, long lines, bitchy employees, smelly old buildings full of stankin' ass chilrenz and their equally stankin' ass parents who don't have a job but somehow have a license... it's all Shambles all the time if you axe me.  But here at the Shamblettes Blog I'm not as obvious as the ending to the pilot for Ringer or "all of the above" when choosing between fries and onion rings with your Baconator.  So other than the reasons above which everyone hates the DMV for, I, Adrian Grenadine, declare the DMV a hot ass mess of a place because of its bullshit numbering system.

     No, this bitch hasn't lost his mind, and I'm sure there's a legit reason why some people are considered "A", "B", or "C" and then a number when they're given a ticket while waiting to approach the sassy in a bad way Black Chick or Asian Dude, or White asshole at the counter who'd rather be watching bebeh's get eaten by a lion while shoving a knife up their cooch than help you renew your license, but I'm just not sold on it.

     To me, you pull a ticket, and if you're 5th to pull a ticket you go 5th, and are number 5.  It's like that at the Honeybaked Ham store and at the deli in the grocery store, why isn't the same at the DMV?  How come the four douchetrolls/ZZ Top stunt doubles who drive motorcycles that showed up 30 minutes after me get to go to the counter first because there's only 4 motorcycle license people, and there are 4657566668655323 million people driving Honda Del Sols who, like me who drives Precious the Corolla, need to renew our mugz on our licenses?  It doesn't seem fair, it doesn't seem like the most efficient system, and it really chaps my ever widening ass when shit like that goes down.

     In Shamtrospect, the only benefit to the biker dix getting a break sitch is that those douchelords get outta my face-parts and drive away on their loud ass dick extensions while leaving me in semi-peace in the DMV to nom my snax I packed to help pass the time... but other than that the DMV is just one big hot ass mess of a place that should, like low-fat everything, be distroyed.-------------------------------------------------------------------------

THING:  Bumper Sticker Cars

Please-to drive off a cliff and die.  Kthnxbai.

     I'll make this quick since writing this post is making me more and more pissed at these moron hot messes (perhaps this shoulda been a Bitch List post Shambles).  There's no hotter mess thing than a car covered in a bunch of short-bus-tarded bumper stickers that try to sound smart and funny, but really just make both the car and it's driver look like a dipshit slash make me want to risk 5-10 in the state pen for manslaughter by ramming the back of said car to the point of destroying every Obama quote slash Baby On Board bumper sticker on the caboose parts of the automobile of lame which is before me.
     I mean surryously, folks, who thought it was a good idea to put 7 poon-trillion bumper stickers you bought from Hot Topic or Spencer's Gifts all over the back of your car to the point where, not only am I distracted trying to read said stoopid stickers, but also to where you can't see out of the back of your car because of some "Emily is very angry" decal or "kid with spiky hair peeing on some sports team logo" sticker?  It's stupid, you're not 14 anymore, and frankly it's just a hot ass mess.  So please-to remove decal like shirt and let's bone this out hate-sex style... er something.