Holy Hot Messes! - Draggin' that gay corn

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Activating Boner sequence now.  Ooh Pepsi!

     Lissy up, fellow Shamblers and Shamblette's.  If you were feeling bad about your life recently, fret not... at least you aren't these hot messes of debauchery.  This week we get to the heart of the hot mess issues with a fully gloved hand, because no one wants to touch a steaming pile of mess unless they've got a fierce poo purse on hand to hide the evidence.  Now hurry up and click onward because you know you can't wait to see what person, place, and thing are the hottest messes this week...

Good Shitty Movies: I eats mine wit excra campy

We're not in Hogwarts anymore, Bitches

     Hey there, bird brains.  Adrian G here again (as always) with another hot flick that you NEED to peep ASAP.  This one's a festive flick with tittays, murduuuuh, and semi-hot nerds/gay stuff.  So please-to order now before all 2 copies get gobbled up, cuz you won't be disappointed in this flick's dressings to kill portions.  But what flick of poultergeist hilarity and terror could I be hinting at by making all these lame bird jokes?  Take flight with me past the jump to find out what fowl film has me shouting thanks to the heavens and giving all of your gravy flavored condom covered peckers shrinkage with these lame-stuffed gobbley puns....

The Bitch List: Acting like ya wheels aint rude

We are superior... even that Jewy guy on the right.  Fear my swoop.

     Oh man, oh man, oh man... lotsa bitching to do this week (why won't these hobags just go away forever?).  For this weeks shramblefest, two out of the three things that need to be silenced forever for their transgressions against my existence are moron-in-control-of-automobile related... but I won't spoil all the fun before the jump.  So click onward-ho to see all the uncensored boobage carnage, and join me in my fight against this descending order of douches and douchettes who think they're superior than the rest of us normal-looking people and can do what they want without thinking about us minions of lard...

Is That A thing? -- Handpes & Footsting

Hey, Ref Baldylox. Why's your hand smells like Speedo Guy's ass?  "Same reason your foot does", Blondie

     A well trained Shamblette knows that I am a psycho about diseases, more importantly sexually transmitted ones.  Whether it's catching them or spreading them, I'm a freak about ghonoherpasyphillaids and more... but since no one wants to bone me ever at the moment I'm safe right?  Wrong.  This week's "Is that a thing?" is about what I'm dubbing "handpes"...  I won't give away all the pimply details upfront, so read on past the jump to learn how it's coming to a body near you, and to learn how some people feel about you literally being a pain in their ass...

PLL Redux: Talkin' junk with Anita Realitycheck

U gonna finish those grapes, Emily?  Shut up, bitch I'm smoldering

     I'm back, Bitches.  "A" here to let you know what was in my head while watching this week's Pretty Little Liars.  Sadly, Simbajaws is still on screen, while Mona was not... but at least Spencer had on an outfit that didn't make me gag.  Those two travesties and a blessing aside however, this week's ep was better (if not equally ridiculous) than last week.  Hanna's quips alone were worth two bacon cheeseburgers of praise and a tampon up the nose.  So, like Emily and her Speedo wedgie into the pool of fake scholarship dreams, let's jump inside this crotch to see what we can pick apart this week...

AngryBitter & Jelly: Steamy Creamy Edition

I have that same shirt in fat

     It's that time again already, hobags... it seemed like only yesterday we were starting and now we're on our third week of things that make the yeast in my AngryBitter and Jelly sammich rise.  Since Summer is upon us, this week's sammy of hatred follows a hot theme.  So read on to see what it is that's urking me this week and please-to leave some shambles in the comments section if you can relate...

Gays Do It Better: Double non-bearing fruits

Gurl, you givin' me a six inch gain with that blue poof!

          Hey gaydies and lezentlemen.  New feature this week, "Gays Do It Better" (yay!).  In this recurring set of posts I'm gonna spit out some truth that you know you'd love to swallow.  I'm featuring three things that gays just can't help but do better than straight people.  This week's topics are quite obvious, but not in a "gay way", so read on after the jump to see what countless celebs and Republican Senators are better than you at, but try not to be too jelly, you just aren't as good because...

Gchats U wish... Luvshamdles & Web ShamD

Me and Skittles tastin' all kindsa rainbows

       New Shamblette on the block.  My partner in Shambled crime, Skittles and I had a gcaht the other day discussing all the relevant issues.  Topics included: fatassness, party time in Vegas, and why guys just don't get girls sometimes (hint: men are morons and women are, well... women).  The transcripts are just a click away and followed by a lovely Shramble with Kiki about work lies, mystery ailments, and the person most in need of a face career redo.  So take a chance on us and read on for a heaping pile of truth...

True Blood: Lezbos & Troll Hoes & Birds, Oh my!

Hot mess alert, Snookie:  Season 4 is (time) jumpin' your ass

     So by now I hope you sluts have seen last night's True Blood premiere.  If not: A) why the hell didn't you do your homework? and B) Spoilerish shizz from last night be discussed here, so don't come bitchin' if you read something you didn't know.  I warned you twice now to get your watch on, so that sock puppet def don't fit if you're blaming me for your issues.  Now, with that outta the way let's get into the dirty nethers of the premiere...

Nerd Alert! Yuh Ho-work is on my desk

I'd still do him... ugh, (shame-bles)

     Hey, White Stains, it's Friday and you know what that means... time for your end-of-week dose of the five food groups of sanity (Books, TV, Movies, Music, Awesome) that you need to be familiar with in order to earn a ticket off Redemption Island.  So fasten that tape on your glasses, and pop a chub on in here to learn a thing or two before I nom that Nerd pictured above in a way only your priest could understand...

Is it in yet? Cuz I'm good with just the head

And now here's Tammy with the Crazy... thanks Bill

     Ok, kids... this might not be the most exciting or fascinating feature here at The Shamblette's Blog, but dear Lord if I'm not trying to fight off a semi just thinking about this week's topic.  I won't spoil it before the jump, but I'm offended that this one didn't come to me in a vision of truth sooner.  Fellow Shamblette Jem can contest that I've been a fan of this look for years, (seriously, text your bitches, this shit makes a mare look ten times more awesome)... but never before has it occurred to me that a man could rock said-look too.  What could it be that's so ahead (clue) of fashion that it took me years to realize it's brilliance?  Well, it's...

Whatchu Playin', Fool? - I seen U nekkid

Is there anything in my teeth?  Not yet... Oh wait, yeah, a cigarette.

     New feature alert!  We're not all serious and shizz round here at the Shamblette's, we like playing our share of Hunger Games too.  So now, from time to time, we're gonna post a juicy-as-a-hooker's-thigh-game up on this bitch for the weekend that you skanks can play with like a baby in the tub who just discovered his ween.  But you have to actually play along in the comments or we won't keep doing this**.  

      Now, to pop our game-playin' churry, we're bringing you a game called "I Seen U Nekkid".  We'll explain the rules after the jump, but don't forget to put your guesses in the comments cuz we want urrbody to have a shot at bein' a player this weekend...

**Probs a lie.

Holy Hot Messes! - Family sized shambles

This is where we came from, Big Bro... literally. (incest shambles)

     It appears that we have a hit on our hands as last week's Weekly Hot Messes post keeps getting richer in views each day.  I can only hope to keep the hottest level of mess going in this second edition, so this week I'm pushing my dreams aside and going with a bigger, better, and longer list (tee hee).  For this week's shambled messes I'm not just singling out one mess in a dress, I'm calling out the whole shambled family.  For this excluuuusive info as well as the "place" and "thing" most train-wrecked and busted, click onward... but (as the picture above suggests) don't say I didn't warn you...

The Bitch List: Wash off the pests with jokes

This means anger... don't make me show you pissed

     Oh man are you fellow Shamblers and Shamblette's in for a tater-tot sized treat today.  Not only am I in yet another festive mood, but it's time for the second edition of The Bitch List (this truly is the g-spot of my week).  So enough gabbin', let's take the jump and do some bitching...

PLL Redux: "A" recasts all but Toby (shambles)

You know I can see your snatch right?  Shut up, Aria Em likes it

     Hey, bitches. "A" here, (as in Grenadine).  PLL was back last night and I had about 45 pages of questions concerning everything but the plot... but for the sake of time (and your attention span) I thought I'd spare you all that crazy and simply recap the ep with a string of (still lengthy but abridged) thoughts that came to me while watching.  Be warned however that not all of them are positive (I know, gasp and swoon), and some of them make me a bit de-shambles-pressed (copyright, Kiki) but all in all I enjoyed my 43 plus minutes in Rosewood this week.  So don't just stand there and hope the velociraptor can't see you, get your juicy couture butt on in here and don't forget to bring your non-existent parents, recast brother, and invisible swimming scholarship with you... but watch out, there be shark-faced lions in these waters...

Is that a thing? -- "Cannibal Sex" & "Insecx"

Gimme some head... no, literally. (boner shambles)

      This little feature-that-could is known as "Is That A Thing?".  Every once in a while (almost daily) I come across something so deliciously disturbing that it blows my mind.  Now that The Shamblette's blog is in full force, I figured instead of my normal reaction to said topics, I'd put them on the internets for all (7 of you) to talk among yourselves because I know you care so much.  So here goes nothing....

     For those not in the know, yes, "Cannibal Sex" and "Insecx" (AKA Vorarephilia and Formicophilia) are two types of freaky ass fetishes... but before we change our names to Judy and start judging folks who are in to this stuff, let's sit by idly and look pretty as we consider the facts... (and then judge them).  Read on to get all the juicy details about what the hell these rare beauties really are...

AngryBitter & Jelly: Super Crunchy Edition

Hey, Thunder Thighs... Choosy Noms choose Jif

     Like sands through the hourglass, these are the shambles of my life.  This week I'm adding extra AngryBitter to my sammy of bitchery because the week's offenders are my absolute least favorite.  Also, I'm more bitter than usual as I ran out of Trader Joe's sweet tea, and we all know what I look like when my noms run low.  Those shambles aside, I'm sure after taking the jump you'll agree with me that these people need to be stopped!  Who am I whining about now, and who poured on the Jelly this week?  Keep reading to find out...

Gchats U Wish U Wrote: Twin Sex & Gay Face

Hey Gurrls Hey

     As promised, it's here; "Gchats you wish you wrote".  Basically I hang with pretty awesome people, so each week I'll share with the thousands that follow this blog a collection of proof that my fellow Shamblette's and I are a constant source of amusement.  For this initial edition of "Gchats...", we discuss racism, whether having sex with your twin/watching twins have sex is hot or wrong, prison allegiances, a dabble more racism for flavor, and then consider if it's okay that your straight boyfriend has gay-face.  Bonus discussion: What does Craigslist breed other than apartment listings?  You know you want the answers, so click on to discover the much needed truth...

Stuff I like or hate but shouldn't: Psychopaths

Ha ha ha, that'll teach you to stand in my eye line!

     SILOHBS isn't just what I call Sci-fi slobs (bless), but it also means "Stuff I like or hate but shouldn't".  This recurring mini-post pretty much explains itself, so don't hate unless it's to judge me in the comments section for what I pick.  Now, let's take the jump to find out whether I like or hate the first topic: psychopaths...

Nerd Alert! Your weekend homework is ready

I think I see a boob... Nope, just a shoulder. (shambles)

     Hey, Dweebs.  Every Friday look forward to your weekly Nerd Alert.  It's a list of the top things in the five food groups of life (Books, TV, Movies, Music, Awesome) that you need to get familiar with before the new week starts... because no one wants to be friends with someone who doesn't know what's up.  Read on for all the tips you KNOW you need for that hipster party you're attending this weekend...

Shambletorial: When Office Rape Goes Wrong

Look at her like I do, or these hands are going lower!

     Next week (spoiler alert) I'll be introducing a new feature called "Gchats you wish you wrote"... but until then, here's a little taste in the form of a Shambletorial concerning my wasted friend Kiki who has been experiencing drama in the workplace.  Suffice it to say it involves a hottie, a rapist, and a gallon of shambles.  Read on for all the juicy deets...

Holy Hot Messes! - Clean it up!

Oh Guuuurl.  Do. Not. Want!

       This one's pretty easy to get.  Every week I'm gonna feature (at least) one hot ass mess of a person, a place, and a thing so as to make us all sit back and realize how, shambled as we may be, atleast we're not THIS shambled.  So pop on in here (that's what she said) and see who and what I've chosen as the very first hot messes of the week...

AngryBitter & Jelly

Nom Nom, Bitch

     Listen up fame whores, yet another new weekly segment coming your way.  This is AngryBitter & Jelly, where I serve a carb-filled sammich of the top things this week that are making me angry, bitter, or jealous. NOTE (some fall under more than one category).  So let's get to it...

Is it in yet? -- Poop Purses

I'll take that as a yes

     Hey kids, this little gem is a recurring post I'll have about fashions!  Anyone who knows me knows that other than what I learn from watching Project Runway (still bitter), this and this and this are fashion to me.  But I thought I'd go out on a limb and combine my lack of fashion sense with my powers of evil and predict the next big thing that needs to hit stores.  So here goes...

Shamble me this? What's a good shitty movie?

Contrary to what this image suggests, there are no black people in this movie. :(

       Howdy fellow Shamblers and Shamblette's.  Master Grenadine here with a new feature we call,  "Good shitty movies".  So as to not add more shambles to your lives, we won't spoil these classic gemz, but we highly suggest you get your ass to what/wherever it is you rent movies from and watch these flicks ASAP!  If for nothing more than a great reason for a theme party (subtle hint/idea) and another reason to getcha sip awn with a drinking game.  I've got great reasons why you should tune in other than my "awesome" taste of course, but as this guy would say; "you don't have to take my word for it".  So here's this week's shit flick pick...

The Bitch List

Fine, I'll rent 27 Dresses, just get outta here!

     Every week we here at the Shamblettes are gonna list (at least) the top three things that are ruining our lives and keeping us from our daily eating and tanning habits (no matter how untimely they may be).  The people/places/things/ideas filling our lives with shambles that make this list just need to GO AWAY so we can nom our carbs in peace.  So here you have it, the first of many Bitch Lists to come...(whattaya mean X-Men isn't all about my character?)...

Guess who's coming to dinner? Your face!!!

I shouldn't have eaten (your face) after midnight

       Today a new category of posts known as "gross yuck cool" is now in effect.  We're gonna try and find things in our lives, (or in yours) that make us respond with either gross, yuck, cool, or any combination of the above, while also hopefully teaching us something.  So here goes...

PLL Season 2 Premiere: Chum in the Savannah

Don't hate, bitch...these shoes were on sale

     So it's that time again, bitches.  PLL is back, and boy is it ever.  Everything I love about the show is in full force: the ridiculous "we-wish-we-were-Gossip-Girl-outfits", the horrible jumps in logic, and let's not forget the worst actor in the history of ever, that elusive shark-faced lion Toby...

Let the games begin!!!

Shambles are when life sucks ass.  So the Shamblettes (myself and a few contributing blogees) are here to make it better.

We all get down from time to time, what better way to get over it and do some old fashioned sh*t talking?  This isn't Perez Hilton (obviously), and I don't care what that chick with the fivehead in your office did to you.  I'm not here to talk junk about everyday people, I'm not here to gossip about Hollywood, I'm here to blog about TV and pop culture/life and what is and isn't worth your time.  And hopefully in the process I can turn you in to a pop culture snob with great taste so you look cooler than you really are at your next party.  This is clearly a work in progress, so I welcome suggestions and/or critiques.  But a bit about me.

I'm a writer in Los Angeles.  (very original I know).  But there's so much crap out there that I need to judge and share with the world.  However a lot of that crap is sooo good and needs to be discussed.

So, for those in the back.  This blog (my first ever) is here to discuss and judge pop culture so that we all feel better about ourselves.  Who says bullying is bad?

OK enough intro crap, let's get to the good stuff.