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| Gurl, you givin' me a six inch gain with that blue poof! |
Hey gaydies and lezentlemen. New feature this week, "Gays Do It Better" (yay!). In this recurring set of posts I'm gonna spit out some truth that you know you'd love to swallow. I'm featuring three things that gays just can't help but do better than straight people. This week's topics are quite obvious, but not in a "gay way", so read on after the jump to see what countless celebs and Republican Senators are better than you at, but try not to be too jelly, you just aren't as good because...
Gays Do It Better...TWO-NIGHT STANDS:
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| Don't I know your from Econ? Nope, we boned. Oh. (shambles) |
For those not in the know, a two-night stand is a term I've/someone coined for when you hook up with someone more than once. Gays are far superior at both accepting and making these lovelies happen. The first time you mighta been drunk, but the second time it's all about "been there, done that". It's kinda like when you open the fridge looking for cake and it isn't there. You close the door, wait a minute, then open it again hoping there was something you missed the first time around that made your adventure worth it. Truth be told, more often than not it wasn't worth a second-go-round, but it's the hope that matters... that and finding pie behind the cake.
Unlike straights, gays have no problem scraping the bottom of the booty-barrel-past to get they freak on after a night of poppers and bad karaoke. Also unlike straights, gays aren't ashamed of their past mansgretions, they embrace them... and they do this by forgetting them and moving on.
Only a gay could find it funny that they don't remember who they hooked up with in the past, because in the straight world, such a thing is considered slutty. Oh sure it's still slutty in the gay world, but to gays "slutty" is a compliment. And surriously, folks, lots of gays look alike, how are you gonna be able to tell this washboard ab from that well-defined shoulder? It's honestly too much work and so it's easier to just laugh about it and getcha freak on... because in Gayopolis, if you get to a three-night stand you're practically married, and since that's still illegal in most states it's better to just love and love again than to commit to some shit you're not allowed to have in the first place.
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Gays Do It Better... NOT GET PREGNANT:
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| So true, Chaircat, being gay is way easier than this white trash abobo |
This one's more obvious. Gays are simply better than straights at not getting pregnant. If you're a moron and still don't get it, it's because two men and two women can't make a baby (yet) without some kind of crossover.
Don't be jelly, straighties, gays can bone and bone and scissor all day and not get preggo, but that doesn't mean they don't still need condoms, so it's not THAT much better. And honestly, straight porn is almost always bareback, so you get that... (most) gay porn involves a random condom that came outta nowhere in that dark alleyway/office/toilet where the scene is set... so at least you don't have to suspend your disbelief when releasing your jellies before the wife gets home with the kids.
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Gays Do It Better...PENETRATION MARKS:
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| Bless, Boo. Shambles, Gurl. Drama... Truth |
Trust, Bitches. Gays can do more to a sentence in one word than any exclamation point or semi colon can do to an entire paragraph. Famous examples used in this blog are: Truth, Shambles, boo, drama, gurl, trust, okay/okuur, and bless.
I've dubbed these fruits of gay labor "penetration marks", because they punch deep into the meaning of the sentence that either comes before or after it (like penny, duh). Others may prefer the term, "single word punctuation", but others are lame. Honestly I don't know how gay people spoke in the ancient world without these blessings on standby, but I guess the gays weren't invented back then, or they just weren't as sassy/trainwreck as they are these days. Either way, penetration marks aren't going anywhere anytime soon, and neither are gays. So get your facts together, Huntyz, cuz everything is just better when you end it on a power word... trust.
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So there you have it. If you straighties wanna fit in with the rest of the mo's and lezzies, you'll pay attention to these posts and try to do better than "Oh, sorry Christie I meant to text you back, last night was amaze", or "But I pulled out, it can't be mine" or "It's official, I have herpes... shambles". And if you can't do better than that, then (like the words "panties", "moist", "discharge", and "sugarless") we don't want anything to do with you.
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