Gays Do It Better: Court Is Now In Fashionz

Close ya mouf, Clinton! I said juicy couture, not Di'ju C Cock, Whore?

     What's up, fellow Gays and Straights?  If you answered "my ween" then I object and you really need to get out more.  But if you answered, "not shit", then I sustain, overrule, and say pass the chips and call me later cuz we have lots in common.  But I digress with thoughts of satty fats.  

     This edition of Gays Do It Better is a bit of a given, but don't hold me in contempt of court for speaking my mind.  Just click on in here and read about how it's in every Gay's constitution to speak their mind when their straight counterparts axe, "Hey Gurl hey, how does I look in this outfits?"...

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Gays Do It Better... Judge Your Outfit

Carmen Carera is right, Boo. Your ass is wrong in that ensemb!

     First and whore-most, no matter how hard Straight people try, they'll never be as good at judging your outfit as a Gay is.  The reasons for this should be as obvious as a shitty twist ending to an M. Night movie pre-2003; Gays are just born to hate everything about you... but like a Kardashian pap-smear, the horrible truth lies much deeper than the hideously man-like surface. 

     Firsty hand, Gay men aren't trying to sleep with you, ladies, so they don't care if they tell the truth when judging what you wear... So yes, you do look fat in those jeans AND your hair looks like shit.  Secondy hand, Gays are mostly allergic to lesbians by the rule of conflicting gaywads, so they're just gonna be honest with you lezzies to clear the room as quickly as possible by judging your outfit... "Yeah, Ellen... you look like a lesbian, now go away snatch-breath, I'm trynna do my face hurr!"  Whatever is necessary to both A) make said Gay feel better about themselves, and B) Find a way to passive aggressively make you hate what you're wearing so that ladies are Pavlov Dogged into trusting what your Gays say fashion-wise to be nothing other than gospel. 

Gurrrl... Y'all ain't foolin' nobody wit dem blue shirts.  TRUST!

     On the flip-flop, however, instead of telling the truth to a woman about how horrible she looks, Gays will lie to Straight Mens when judging their outfits for the sole purpose of getting said Straight Mens to remove said clothing. "That shit makes you look gay.  Surryously, Matt or whatever, if I didn't know you I'd think you were on a strict vein-burrito diet.  Those pants aren't helping either."  CUE shirtless/pantless Matt or whatever.  It's like stealing virginity from one of those Duggar kids, sure it's not that easy at first, but if done right it might lead to success... er something. 
     Additionally, Gays will tell another Gays lies about their fashions in order to better their chances of gettin' some in da' club.  Example: "Why yes, Dante, that leopard print top with camel skin boots does look faboosh.  K, I'mma just hang out over here far away from you... but don't worry, it has nothing to do with what you're wearing I promz."  If you're some drunk and horny hottie, 9 times outta 10 you're gonna pick the average looking dude, not his 2011-Oprah body double stand-in wannabe friend in the Busch Gardens Animal Kingdom ensemble... it's just the laws of gayture. 

Hey, Ru. What color would you call her dress?  Is "ass" a color?

     In the end it comes down to simple Gay physics... Gays are just better than Straights at judging your outfit.  Even the most burly gay hiding out in the woods with the Hill People knows when you look like shit, and by the laws of gayzics, whether you're Straight or Gay, Male or Female, he's gonna have a pretty legit reason to judge the hell outta your soooo 2001 Pashmina Scarf you're trynna rock from Ross Dress For Less.  And no matter how hard you might try, no amount of assless chaps or promises to show him your dick are gonna keep that ween-holstering mouth of his from doing what it does best... judging your outfit.  TRUTH!