AngryBitter & Jelly: I Ain't You Edition

Stop tryin', bitch (literally).  Yoo ain't never gonna be oneuh us.

     Word up, Hobags.  Who missed me? (Crickets) that's what I thought.  But whether you like it or not, I'm back after a few week's of feeding and ready to get muh AngryBitter & Jelly sammich on.  This time I'm talking 'bout shits that I am not a part of and (sadly) probably never will be.  So pull those fat rolls up, tuck those quadruple chins back, and keep on reading after the jump to see just what's making me angry, bitter, and jelly this time around...

AngryBitter & Jelly: No Fair Edition

So you're NOT my daddy?  No fair!  Fuq U Shaquille O'neal!

     The world is a cruel and lard-filled place.  So naturally this week's ABJ sammy of delight is all "whoa is me".  I'm singling out three things in the realms of Angry, Bitter, and Jelly that other people get away with while I can't.  It's truly tragic, it's truly true, and it's truly no fair.  So stop pointing and laughing at my pathetic asses and "read the fuq on" to see what it is that's less fair then a ginger skin-convention...

AngryBitter & Jelly: Holier Than Thou Edition

Worship the camel toe, Bitches!

     Who (other than your bleached asshole or afrofied vageyenuh) likes douchebags?  Yeah me neither.  Which is why this edition of ABJ is so apropos.  This time my sammy of ABJ is full of shits and hoes that really get under my loosely assembled varicose covered skin.  So roll up those sleeves and find a grease-filled vein, cuz I'm 'boutta inject some ABJ truth into your ever widening mind-parts after the jump...

AngryBitter & Jelly: Can't Stand You Edition

Trust, angry background bitch.  I can relate... I ordered TWO dozen.

     Another week continues, another AngryBitter & Jelly sammich of haterade is placed before us.  This week I'm feeling extra ABJ, so I've dubbed this edition the "Can't Stand You" Edition, because each of the three toppings on our sammy of FML this week is full of unsaturated fats... TRANSLATION: Things I don't want in my life but are, so I deal with them as best I can by pretending they don't exist solely to make my life miserable.  So take a ride to ABJ-ville and see what all the stankness is about...

AngryBitter & Jelly: Sex 4 All But Me Edition

50 bucks for frosted tips and still no one will do me (Shambles)

     Another week, another helping of AB & J.  You'd think the refills of carbs and shambles would stop coming, but apparently life is an all you can shamble buffet, and I of course keep going back for more.  This week there's a theme to my shambles sammy of FML, it's sexy in every way but one... namely, me getting sexted.  But middle roll and man teets be damned, cuz I'm gonna keep on fighting the good fight against unsaturated fats and keep filling my plate with extra slabs of AngryBItter & Jelly, and I do it all for you.  So click on that "keep reading" link to find out what the buffet master of shamblemonies is serving up this week...

AngryBitter & Jelly: Don't Touch This Edition

Bitch that's my wines.  Hands off fore I Chris Brown ur ass

    Grab you closest carbs, people... cuz I've got another serving of AngryBitter & Jelly sammich coming towards your over-sized gullet of nom Shambles.  This week's edition features three things you can't touch because you don't want to, you DO want to but aren't allowed to by some higher authority, or it doesn't matter if you do or don't want to, you can't cuz it's not happening in your life anytime soon unless you change your name to Sookie Stackhouse or Betty Saurez.  So get your TV tray in place and settle your Precious tail in front of the computer for some "read more" clicking cuz it be AngryBitter & Jelly time!...

AngryBitter & Jelly: Bitter Body Issues Edition

Every time carbs kill, a bitter Adrian gets its wings

     Menu's here, and AngryBitter and Jelly is what's for lunch... boy am I hungry.  This week I'm extra bitter, like a sour patch kids' coochie area.  What's got my sugar-nethers in a frump, and who's on the receiving end of my AngryBiter and Jelly rape stick this time?  Read on to find out, but try to keep your pants up and your body blubbery or I WILL call you out...

AngryBitter & Jelly: Steamy Creamy Edition

I have that same shirt in fat

     It's that time again already, hobags... it seemed like only yesterday we were starting and now we're on our third week of things that make the yeast in my AngryBitter and Jelly sammich rise.  Since Summer is upon us, this week's sammy of hatred follows a hot theme.  So read on to see what it is that's urking me this week and please-to leave some shambles in the comments section if you can relate...

AngryBitter & Jelly: Super Crunchy Edition

Hey, Thunder Thighs... Choosy Noms choose Jif

     Like sands through the hourglass, these are the shambles of my life.  This week I'm adding extra AngryBitter to my sammy of bitchery because the week's offenders are my absolute least favorite.  Also, I'm more bitter than usual as I ran out of Trader Joe's sweet tea, and we all know what I look like when my noms run low.  Those shambles aside, I'm sure after taking the jump you'll agree with me that these people need to be stopped!  Who am I whining about now, and who poured on the Jelly this week?  Keep reading to find out...

AngryBitter & Jelly

Nom Nom, Bitch

     Listen up fame whores, yet another new weekly segment coming your way.  This is AngryBitter & Jelly, where I serve a carb-filled sammich of the top things this week that are making me angry, bitter, or jealous. NOTE (some fall under more than one category).  So let's get to it...