Holy Hot Messes: Membershit Only Warehouse

Ten points if you can find the black guy.

     Oh my grits, Lil' Baconators... it's 2012 and I'm back full time to bring in the new year with a whole heap of Shambles to keep your jellies jammin' til blood runs in the streets and we all die or whatever because the Mayan calendar-makers got lazy.  But in lighter news, I'm boutta bring your lard-infused asses another heap of Holy Hot Mess, and this time it's a place that not even Lady Gaga's penis would wanna go in.  No, it's not a Kardashian Cooch or "da Club", but the place in question is just as full of random shit you don't need, and just as easy to get in to...

Holy Hot Messes! - Insane Doggy Style

Tupper-where the hell U been, Adrian Grenadine?

      Like your period last month, did y'all Lil' Baconators miss me?  I've been off in the land of employment trying to be skinny and become no longer single, but like that orgy with Sam Jaeger and Noel Kahn from PLL, it's just not happening.  So while I was in re-flab, trying not to eat anyone and everything that came into the fatcinity of my cake hole, I just missed my loyal follower(s) too murch, and thus I'm back full time to bring in the holiday season with a big rape-bang.  

     But enough being all sappy and nice, it's time to get to the shit talkin' all 3 of you come here for as I break down someone who, much like a dick in an oven, is truly a hot mess.  In an attempt to streamline content and make more frequent posts, I'm pulling a Briss and cutting the posts down for your (and future lovers') enjoyment, thus there's only a Hot Mess Person this time, and not a Place or Thing.  But like that post-Briss ween, they will come eventually.  So read on to see who gets my hot mess approval this time around, but I warn you, she ain't pretty...

Holy Hot Messes: Nompooing Drive Sticks

Daaamn, Chelsea Clinton.  Yoo iz skruggalin.

     Ugly bitches and Stank ass hoes, it's been a hot mess minute since we've delved into some holy hot messes... but all the wait was worth it cuz the flaming pile of mess I'm presenting here to you like a cat butt in your face-parts is gonna get those jelly parts jammin' in hopes that the air conditioning finally kicks in and cools off the hotness coming off these shitz known as this edition's person, place, and thing of Holy Hot Messes.  So throw back that holy water like it's buttery nipplez and please-to keep all arms and humps inside the car at all times, cuz I am NOT responsible for any articles lost or shambled during this ride...

Holy Hot Messes - Bangin' Dem Fried Collars

I have that same outfit in white, but it's XXXL.

     Happy Friday, Slutnuggets.  It's time for another edition of Holy Hot Messes.  This time we're bringin' the heat like slutty gennies at a coochie clam bake.  So hold on to your hair donts, plug in your vibrators, and please-to de-douchify that outfizs cuz once you click on that "keep reading" shit, it's time to get our demon worship on with these person, place, and thing holy as hell hot messes...

Holy Hot Messes! - Floppin' Dem Fart Windows

Wasted, party of 1?  Is me!  Now Gimme dem shots'uh bacon grease!

      Who's ready for some steaming hot shitpiles of mess?  Please, only one at a time, a guy's bacon-wrapped heart can only take so many things at once.  This edition, I'm talking 'bout things that you might think I know nothing about (working out, stairs, actually getting off my ass to do something other than refill my Diet Dr. Pepper gallon jug), but trust Hobags and Slutnuggetz... I'm one cultured 7000 pound bitch.  So take the "click on keep reading" journey with me and see what Person, Place, and Thing takes the royal hot mess crown this week, but save me a spot inside...

Holy Hot Messes! - Open Mouthed Shit Shoes

Eat your vaj out, Streisand.

     Hot messes, hot messes, Lindsay Lohan!  We got hot messes coming outta our pee-holez here at the Shamblette's Blog, and boy are we ready to golden shower said messes all over this post, and all to make your life just THAT much juicier.  Ok I'll stop will all that nast, but please-to keep reading for all the Caliente-Messita deets...

Holy Hot Messes! - Freedom Mailed Herpes

See, I'm not gaycist... I put flaming dark stuff in muh mouf too

     Can you feel that?  It's the sound of today being exactly one month since the Shamblette's began, and Monday having been my birthday.  Feels like it's been longer right?  Kinda like a baby dick in your ass, you know there's something up there that's been going on for a bit, but when you get down to the nuts and bolts you realize you want more... and more is what you're gonna get, Hobags.  Cuz now that we're a month old we're bringing out new features, new friends, and we not cutting away before the money shot.  
     But before we let all that new settle in for good next week, let's keep our horribly dyed roots intact and enjoy the feature that started it all (well, started spreading the Shamblette's word like Ellen's legs at a lezzie clambake).  That's right, trainrex... it's time for your Weekly Hot Messes... and this week, like all others before it, might need to be taken with antibiotics.  So grab your fan and mop and take the jump onward to read about all the hottest messes to bless the Shambles while your bestie holds your hair back...

Holy Hot Messes! - 4mer Fattys' Fly Fashions

Screw you, Sean Penn.  I sooo called dibbs on the Winona Ryder costume this year!

     Hope you're sitting down, folks... cuz it's time for a weekly dose of hot messes.  I decided since it's a random skinny week, that I'd try and tug at the heartstrings to see if I can't bring back some shambles the faux-skinny I'm feeling has erased.  So jump on in there like a good little hobag and see what earns this weeks' coveted designation as the people, place, and thing most hot mess...

Holy Hot Messes! - Draggin' that gay corn

=

Activating Boner sequence now.  Ooh Pepsi!

     Lissy up, fellow Shamblers and Shamblette's.  If you were feeling bad about your life recently, fret not... at least you aren't these hot messes of debauchery.  This week we get to the heart of the hot mess issues with a fully gloved hand, because no one wants to touch a steaming pile of mess unless they've got a fierce poo purse on hand to hide the evidence.  Now hurry up and click onward because you know you can't wait to see what person, place, and thing are the hottest messes this week...

Holy Hot Messes! - Family sized shambles

This is where we came from, Big Bro... literally. (incest shambles)

     It appears that we have a hit on our hands as last week's Weekly Hot Messes post keeps getting richer in views each day.  I can only hope to keep the hottest level of mess going in this second edition, so this week I'm pushing my dreams aside and going with a bigger, better, and longer list (tee hee).  For this week's shambled messes I'm not just singling out one mess in a dress, I'm calling out the whole shambled family.  For this excluuuusive info as well as the "place" and "thing" most train-wrecked and busted, click onward... but (as the picture above suggests) don't say I didn't warn you...

Holy Hot Messes! - Clean it up!

Oh Guuuurl.  Do. Not. Want!

       This one's pretty easy to get.  Every week I'm gonna feature (at least) one hot ass mess of a person, a place, and a thing so as to make us all sit back and realize how, shambled as we may be, atleast we're not THIS shambled.  So pop on in here (that's what she said) and see who and what I've chosen as the very first hot messes of the week...