Random Bless: Fauxlebrities

That horse looks just like this drag queen on E!  Resembz is uncanny!

     Top o' the Thursday to you, Fleshballs and Slutbags.  Your loyal bacon eater, Adrian Grenadine here with another edition of that good ole' Random Bless.  While my bless hands have been workin' overtime as of late, the subject of this edition's post really needs some because they're ruining my life with their powers of disguise.  Who could these deceptive hobags be?  Read on to find out, and see just why these fux need my sausage-link hands of blessed-be all over their pretend faces...
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RANDOM BLESS... People who look like celebs but aren't them.

OMG, y'all.  It's Lindsay Lohan!  I love the gray hair!

     PWLLCBAT, or "Fauxlebrities", are definitely in need of random bless as I'm sure they're sick of being axed, "are you...(insert random celebrity)"?  I myself can relate, if one more idiot in a fanny pack and terrible haircut approaches me and asks if I'm Gabourey Sidibe I might just have to eat them.  Of course on the other side of the spectrum it must be nice for people to think you're Jake Gyllenhaal, but if you're that attractive then you're probably already a celebrity, or at least one rimjob away from achieving such a title.  On my BEST day I could only hope to be mistaken for Maggie Gyllenhaal, but more often than not people just think I'm Hilary Swank from her Boys Don't Cry days... (Transgendered Shambles).  But I digress, like most things, this isn't about me.
     Fauxlebrities get a bless fisting because of the unwanted side effex (such as depression) that their existence inspires.  Case in point, you see a fake Cher in the bathroom at Rite Aid, take a picture, get all excited that you saw Cher post shitting, and text the pic to all your frenz.  Cut to later, said frenz make fun of you because they aren't blinded by stars in their eyes and tell you that not only would Cher not be caught dead in a Rite Aid, but also that you're an idiot for thinking a condom display case was Cher and texting it to the world (getcha vision checked Shambles). 
 

Shit Beyonce, cool condom dress; but what happened to Ur armz?

     Not only that, who cares if it was the real Cher?  What do you get out of that other than to say you saw her?  I mean, seeing something doesn't necessarily make you something more than you're not, I mean I've SEEN a salad bar, but that doesn't mean I'm a skinny bitch.  Added to this (like excra cheese), if you are legit friends with a fauxleb, it's hard not to harness their power for evil. 
     You may remember Ernest from a few Gchats U Wish U Wrote posts ago?  Well let's just say he looks like someone famous, and when we hang and people stare in our direction I assume it's because they think he's said famous person and they're wondering (not only) why is "that guy from that CBS Sitcom" hanging out with Hilary Swank, but also; "Why is Hilary Swank still trynna rock that Boys Don't Cry look all these years later?  I'm not proud of how cool one can feel when assuming people assume you're eating dinner with a celeb, but I'm not proud of my middle roll either and that's not going away any time soon ever.

Hey, Kim Whoretrashian... U stole my blue belt, bitch!

     In the end, these people deserve a random bless as they can't help the power they possess, and they can't help how said power effects the world of losers around them (myself included).  For realz, Folks.  Next time you think you see someone famous, take a second to figure out if it's really them or not, it'll save both you and them from weeks of depression and therapy... cuz just think about it, do you really believe it's anything other than wishful thinking of a crazy person that Lady Gaga, Tom Cruise, AND Barack Obama work at the same 7/11 in Burbank?  Yeah, didn't think so.  So dream on because not only do you NOT look like a famous person, but you NEVER will unless said famous person is famous for eating a lot of food or looking like shit and doing nothing (not so subtle Kardashian diss).  So random bless both their ever-widening asses, AND yours too.