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| Clearly Emily farted, but Aria's the one that stinks. |
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| Lost my cell, Ossifer. Can I borrow urs? Gotta threat-txt sum bitches. |
----- PREVIOUSLY ON PRETTY LITTLE LIARS: "A" lost they cell phone like me losing all sense of humanity at an all-you-can-eat-buffet, KeanuCaleb is back with his shitty acting/hair, Gay Lucas is still jerkin' it over Hanna to no avail, Em's still a lez, Aria's eyebrows slash everything are annoying, but not as annoying as her and Mr. Fitz's (now public) To Catch A Predator lovin'-lationship. Oh, and Spencer is still stuck pretending to have a romantic connection to SimbaJaws... bless your lil' Big Love style braided hair heart, Spence.
Also, Posh Therapist has disappeared into the nether-realm, because (according to the PLL writers), it makes perfect sense that after being kidnapped by a 12-year-old for days, that she vanish and leave all her patients to try and not kill themselves without her therapy while also not telling anyone about who took her or what went on (If I was a patient of hers, I'd axe for a refund times two and eat her family for jumping ship like that)... but I digress. Now on to the episode...
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| I.C.U.P, har har, "A"... but threat texts work better. |
----- Hey Em, I think you said Hanna's line by accident because only she could muster the brilliance that is "... I was almost killed. These are not hilites, Hanna this is glass in my hair." Oh wait, now Hanna's back on track by suggesting they take the cell to the "phone store" or call a customer service number to have someone in Pakistan unlock the phone. That's my hefty girl, #racism.
----- Gotta say, as much as I love me some "A", bitch ain't got no voicemail, cuz her/his/they's shits rang like 45 times while the PLL played hot potato with the phone before picking it up.
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| Again, Aria U aren't making gay eyebrow-face. Please-to die. |
----- So glad that KeanuCaleb has Microsoft 98 on his computer with all those really awesome graphics which pretty much substitute for the script by explaining everything that's going on in big red font. Also, in regards to KeanuCaleb's wondering why Em smells like mulch, it's cuz she was knee deep in cooch right before she got glass in her hair. It's a lesbian thing I'm sure.
----- I love that Mr. Montgomery is finally saying what we're all thinking in regards to Aria's wardrobe choices: "Where are you going?". "School". "Like that?"... my thoughts exactly. No one wears a spider on a string necklace without receiving the wrath of the fashion Gods... at least not on my watch.
----- "Can we do it some place a little more private?" Spencer I know you meant "talk", but the thought of you and Simbajaws Toby doing anything in private makes me wanna vom up my 12th Baconator and hope for the days when Toby was still missing. Side note: How is the inside of an open windowed truck any more private than outside the door of said open windowed truck? Ugh now they're kissing... shoot me in the face.
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| Uhhhh, why y'all kissing when there's Noms to be ate? |
----- Ew, now Hanna and KeanuCaleb are kissing. Guess my thoughts after running out of icing were the truth... I do wish I was dead. Ditto times two, Gay Lucas is here again looking all sad and shiz as usual. Check his hip for bruises to see if he's the "A" Hanna hit with her car.
----- Previously on Exposition Lane, Mexi-Cop has the loudest most NOT-secretive phone call with Jenna ever recorded in television history. She's blind Mexi-cop, not deaf. Nor is anyone else on the one street in Rosewood so don't act suprised that someone heard you going on about your grand scheme at full decibles. Maintain low tones, Mexi-cop, maintain low tones.
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| Oh man I want that in my mouth. (Noel Kahn not pictured) |
----- This touching scene between Mrs. Montgomery and Emily brought to you by the letter "N", for "no one talks like this in real life". Surryously, Em, exposition overload. Why don't you just tell us, "I'm working at the call center so that some crazy "A" shit can go down like your daughter on Mr. Fitz". And in response to Mrs. M's question about what else she doesn't know about her daughter... the answer is that she's the worst character on this show, which is exactly what Em said, "nothing's changed... she's the same person she always was."
----- So much to discuss. First, Spencer why are you wearing a man's blazer slash lawn jockey jacket? Second, thanks for clearing up that New Jason has been "out of town for weeks," I was wondering why there's been less useless on this show so far. Maybe's he's at Spencer's Lake House making babies memories too.
----- "Sorry, I was... thinking about Louisiana". Really, Gay Lucas? Who's he? Also, love that you're making another card for "Virginia", cuz the first 6 letters of that word is what you are and will always be until I bone you.
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| I know Ur boning my UNDERAGE daughter (& son), cudja bone me 2? |
----- Riddle me this, Hefty Hanna... you're being stalked by a potential killer, and your life is in Shambles. What part of "It's secluded, by the water, there's a boat, let's throw a party there" sounds like a good idea to anyone but Michael Myers? And just a head's up, if Mona's invited you're just asking to get mAmed.
----- Oh cool, a black person. Of course she works at a call center for suicidal Hobags named "A", or more importantly... someone the real "A's" hired to pose as "A". Cue totally trying to make us think Jenna and MexiCop are "A" music.
----- This week on "conversations that got my jellies jammin' until I realized it wasn't about what I thought it was" goes to Mr. Montgomery and Mr. Fitz: Mr. M: "I uh, I been thinking a lot since you came over to our house". Mr. Fitz: "Yeah uh, Byron..." Mr M.: "No, let me get this out...". Sadly this scene did not end with Mr. Montgomery jizzing all over Ezra's face. Here's to hoping next time it will.
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| The face of Gay... I mean "A". Threat sext me preez! |
----- BONER "A"LERT!: Mona and Noel are on screen and still "A" couple. Yeah I could make these "A" puns all day. But I won't, because Aria just said something about throwing a party in her closet... clearly Aria thinks "party" means "funeral", and the guest of honor is all sense of fashion.
----- Mmm, takeout. Dammit KeanuCaleb you gotta ruin it by ordering a "big steaming plate of the truth". Hanna's fresh out... but she's got 45 pounds of cupcakes. Replace "Hanna" with "me" and you'll get 472 pounds.
----- "...The belltower and then the shovel, do you really want her to face more scrutiny?" like what, Mrs. Montgomery, "The yellow pages" and "that stapler"... you know for an English teacher there's not too much subtext to your thoughts.
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| Omahgah, it's a landline! Why are you touching urself, Em? |
----- Ooh, now Hanna has a birthday cake... of course she does. And of course the bakery is right beside the college, cuz that makes sense. Even though last time we saw said bakery it was in downtown Rosewood AKA nowhere near the college and Hefty H was nomming on A-induced pig cupcakes. Great, now I'm hungry.
----- First of all, Em and Spencer, that's clearly Gay Lucas on the line... ok they said it, gald the lez and the brain figured it out. But second of all, "I know what I have to do and it's not gonna be pretty... I just hate to do it." Well screw you too, GL, I'm not THAT ugly.
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| I feel bad, but... I just took a shit on your chair, Hanna... Soarey. |
----- Lucas is too easy of a target you say, Hanna? So I guess that makes him an "Easy A". Badunchuh... Thank you, I'll be here all week.
----- Ok, so Ezra and Aria have broken up and shit like 45 times already, so clearly this time it's gonna stick like jizz on Gay Lucas' bedsheets... yeah right. More like Hanna sticks to a diet, AKA not at all.
----- Commentary on lame ass Mexi-Cop Garrett/Simbajaws Toby scene redacted for "so no one kills themselves" reasons.
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| Exhibit "A" why she dies first. Talk about Arachna-faux-pax |
----- Hey, Spencer, did the spiders that come with the house somehow find their way on to Aria's neck? I'm still not letting that spider necklace go folks, sorry. Side Note: Ding Dong, "that's the food." Of course it is, Hanna. Now get your fat ass down there and eat all 26 pissas before I do so that Spencer can find some clue or something in all this bullshit in the attic slash Gay Lucas can suddenly for no good reason act creepy now that they suspect him ALA Noel Kahn last season when they suspected his hot lil' well chiseled ass.
----- Jeez Laweez how small is Rosewood? Mr. Montgomery claims there are other restaurants, but I've only seen one and Mr. Fitz is eating there in a conveniently located front table so he can stare at the Montgomery's for 10 minutes before chowing down on them carbs. I'm not sure what Ezzy is more ashamed of, being caught eating carbs alone in plain sight, or playing hot dogs and donuts with a 16 year old when he's clearly on the same team as Gay Lucas/Me and wishing those carbs were a Noel Kahn dick.
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| This guy wishes his pen was a real gun... "This guy" being me. |
----- Gay Lucas is either gonna kill himself or come out, either way I'm getting a boner.
----- Cue random family/future love interest for Aria played by Emily's boyfriend in real life. I only have two things to say, I hate the name Holden, and I hate where this story is going. That aside, I'd probably still bone the kid.
----- Party time, Noel and Mona are getting sassy and bitching about being allergic to green peppers, guess if they wanna get rid of "A" all the PLL have to do is send some Mexican food to the Kahn house, and send a second shipment to mine.
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| Crazy, party of one? That's me! |
----- Ooh cake, and a sweaty Gay Lucas. I get nervous before devouring entire cakes too, GL, but I don't have my hand on my dick while I prepare to eat it.
----- "Finally, you're here. I need you to come up to the attic with me". Okay, Spencer, but let me grab my KY Intense first, ya' horny bitch.
----- Oh, Mona, how I love you so... but this week you're really looking like a Snookie'd out hooker, and for once that's not a complement.
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| We did it. |
----- Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this tale... oh wait, wrong show. Gay Lucas is playing "creep out the blonde bitch that'll never love you". Also, sit down, GL, you rockin' the boat. Also part 2: How fricken foggy is it out there? If John Carpenter is watching he's probably plotting a sequel to The Fog at this point. Maggie Grace call your agent.
----- Ok, Hanna, I lurve you to pieces, but you swim about as well as (insert racist comment) slash a one armed seal with more junk in the trunk than Precious... could y'all not get a stunt swimmer or some extra from the Rosewood High Sharks to fill in?
----- And I'm now 100% convinced that 1: Noel Kahn needs to be wet and shirtless more often, and 2: Mona and Noel are "A", they sent Gay Lucas on their little mission to the greenhouse, and he wanted to tell Hanna about it before she got all paddle happy and tossed his twink ass into the Lake. I mean, really, no one other than me takes a fully clothed dip into the lake for no good reason other than to hide their man-boobs or fish Gay Lucas outta the lake to keep his mouth shut: HINT: the best way to keep GL quiet is to stick your dick in his mouth, Noel Kahn I hope you're taking notes.
TAG: A shoe floating in the water, can't tell if it's a man's shoe or a woman's, either way I'm pretty sure it belongs to Gay Lucas.
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| Bitch I will fuqing kill you for taking my phone! |
VERDICT: In case you have a serious reading comprehension issue, "A" has GOT to be the one-two punch of side-pony-ferocia, Mona and gay-as-blazes-but-I'm-ready-to-be-set-on-fire, Noel Kahn. Guess we'll find out in the last ten episodes of this season to come. But as for the episode on the whole (tee hee), I'm liking the direction this back half of Season 2 is going, even if said back half has more than one hole in it... but that's just my 2 cents, leave yours in the comments if you feel like it, and if you don't feel like it, do it NTWay, or I might have to eat your face off.
---- AdriAn GrenAdine
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