Nerd Alert! Weekend Ferocia Haz Arrived

Hey, Johnny Depp Face!  Please-to trade bodies with me.

     For once, that squealing sound you hear isn't my middle roll begging for air from it's clenched state betwixt the man boobs and bottom roll... it's the sounds of gallons of faboosh fux letting out their anticipatory joy upon peeping what treasures this week's Nerd Alert! will uncover like a secret XXXXL graphic-T hidden at the bottom of the $5 bucket in Urban Outfitters.  So push that skinny bitch with the cute top in her hands outta the way, cuz Fattrocia Adrian Grenadine is here to share with yallz my pics for all things awesome in the 5 food groups of Shambles that you must-to get familiar with over the weekend for fear of (like a rapper's dick in an Asian groupie's ass-parts) not fitting in like everyone else...

GChats U Wish... PLL Margos & Kiki Peeps Porn

Damn, Kiki... eat a cheeseburger, bitch.

     For once, that rumbling in your nethers isn't body induced carb longing, it's the blood flowing to your squishy parts in anticipation of yet another GChats U Wish U Wrote.  This special in a non shortbus way time we're focusing solely on a slutpendous chat sesh betwixt the infamous Kiki and I.  Topics include: last week's PLL (per usual), food (per usual), new career paths, and we finish it off handjob style with a little chat about a former colleague of ours who now gets paid to have other people's fists up her ass.  It's all deliciously true, and it's all for delicious you...

Good Shitty Movies: Please-To Be Mine... Or Die

I already ate the one that says "Do you make bigger tampons?"

     What do Denise Shitturds, Deputy Judy Hicks from Scream 4 (Hey Gurl Hey), David Boreanaz (emphasis on BORE), that lezbo chick from Grey's Anatomy, that useless bitch from Urban Legends 2: Final Cut (bad shitty movie), AJ from Empire Records, some semi-boneable dude named Woody Jeffrey, bad dialogue, shitty acting, and Katherine contract-dodging, Asian-bebeh adopting Heigl have in common?  Nope, it's not herpes (I don't think), it's this edition's Good Shitty Movie suggestion... and you'd better read on for all the beating heart deets or you ain't getting no candy hearts from me with "Stick it in me" written on top.  But what shitty feature could it be?  Well if you haven't figured it out by now, it's 2001's...

Holy Hot Messes! - Open Mouthed Shit Shoes

Eat your vaj out, Streisand.

     Hot messes, hot messes, Lindsay Lohan!  We got hot messes coming outta our pee-holez here at the Shamblette's Blog, and boy are we ready to golden shower said messes all over this post, and all to make your life just THAT much juicier.  Ok I'll stop will all that nast, but please-to keep reading for all the Caliente-Messita deets...

PLL Redux: Nommin' Good Candy Wif Klepto Mike

Funny.  I see a camera, but no cupcakes on this table.  Who do I fire?

     Like a pedo with adoption papers, what gives bonerz to all who read it?  Why this week's PLL redux of course.  So please-to read on or I will threat-text a bitch... because we once again had no Noel Kahn nor Mona's side pony Ferocia to harden our squishy parts this week.  Because of those shamgressions, I'm angrier than Baby Jessica who's stuck in a plot hole and can't get out until season's end.  But we must be strong, we have to suppress our Noel/Mona lady and man semi's of loin longing and instead keep reading... for like a bad case of herpes, they too will be back when we least expect it I'm sure...

Gays Do It Better: Egyptian Judgement

Bitch stop playin' and sing Rehab...  Too soon?

     Attention all gaywads and lezboynes.  It's a sad week for the Royal Shambly as Amy Winehouse is no more, however I'm now 1 for 3 on my deathlist this year.  So Betty White, Charlie Sheen, and Lindsay Lohan watch out cuz I'm on a roll and LiLo you are now Queen Shamblina.  Whew, now that the inappropriate truth is outta the way, let's get down to some gay stuff.  To keep with our abridged new format, we're only featuring two balls p-lips things that gays are better than straights at... but just because it's smaller doesn't mean it can't still feel good.  So click up on in this shit and let's do some straight bashin'...

AngryBitter & Jelly: Can't Stand You Edition

Trust, angry background bitch.  I can relate... I ordered TWO dozen.

     Another week continues, another AngryBitter & Jelly sammich of haterade is placed before us.  This week I'm feeling extra ABJ, so I've dubbed this edition the "Can't Stand You" Edition, because each of the three toppings on our sammy of FML this week is full of unsaturated fats... TRANSLATION: Things I don't want in my life but are, so I deal with them as best I can by pretending they don't exist solely to make my life miserable.  So take a ride to ABJ-ville and see what all the stankness is about...

The Bitch List: Donating Feathered Barricades

Then I let him gap-tooth fuq me... yeah, that small.

     Hey there, Ween Faces and Vag Heads.  We're back for another week of mayhem and bacon nomming.  And in case you have the memory of Amy Winehouse after a rehab lesson (too soon?), let me remind you of the shorter, yet better like a hyper-mini-dick posts from here on out.  Cuz like a 6 year old with ADD and a bad herpes infection, I know not everyone has a big attention span.  But enough gabbin' about post-toddler herpes, we got some bitchin' to do.  And this week we're sticking with 3 bitches, one of which (#2) is the queen of my bitchlist.  So jump in this shit and see what's already getting the sour end of my bitch dick this week...

True Blood Redux: O My Gravy Keep The Change

Outta my way, Trinity... There's a new leather bitch in town.

     Well, it's already time for another TB Redux and boy do I have some serious duxing to do.  Not only did I have to look at yet another thing I thought was dead but apparently won't go away like ringworm on a locker room floor (Godric), but I also had to deal with no Nan this week (shambles).  Fortunately Ferocia was around to rock the shit outta her new veil fashions.  So all in all it wasn't a complete bust.  But what nuggz of delight also happened in this week's installment?  Please-to read on like Tommy Mickens can't to find out the truth that awaits you...

Nerd Alert! Your Lesson In Ferosh Be Hurr

Dayyyym, Brad G... You is be workin' the hell outta that bow-tie.  Now friend that drunk bitch in the background.

     Get out those sweat-rags, Hobags cuz Imma 'bout to make you sweat over the faboosh selections in the 5 food groups of life in this week's Nerd Alert.  It's like a yard sale swarming with street people this week cuz we got mad stuff for all kindsa Shamblers and Shamblette's.  We got stuff for the kiddies, stuff for the gays (that isn't made of flesh), stuff for the racists, stuff for the weirdos, and finally... stuff for Asians and losers with no friends (the two may or may not be the same thing in this case).  But what could all this stuff be?  And how-to is it so ferosh?  Take the jump with me (if we can manage to get our fatasses off the ground) to find out, in this FINAL full-length post to bless you eyeparts...