Holy Hot Messes! - Clean it up!

Oh Guuuurl.  Do. Not. Want!

       This one's pretty easy to get.  Every week I'm gonna feature (at least) one hot ass mess of a person, a place, and a thing so as to make us all sit back and realize how, shambled as we may be, atleast we're not THIS shambled.  So pop on in here (that's what she said) and see who and what I've chosen as the very first hot messes of the week...

PERSON:

DJ Paulychromatic

      Fellow Shamblers and Shamblettes, let's disregard the obvious if we can and instead focus on that outfit.  We all know that real men wear pink, or whatever, but come on DJ Paulychromatic, you look like a valet attendant at some retirement home golf course.  Your date can't even look at you as she clutches her poo purse and looks out into the abyss towards something she knows won't ask her "what do you get when you guzzle down sweets?" (mmm sweets).  Even Gobo Fraggle dude behind him and Tweety Bird chick in front of him are saved by outfit (him) and hair (her).  I seriously hope this was a joke.

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PLACE:

Strip Clubs

        Don't get me wrong, we all like looking at Tittays and Butts and I guess Weens too (do guy strip joints show ween?).  The point is, in this day and age if you wanna see all that jazz use the internets, or go to Hooters (when you're not reading the Shamblettes blog of course).  Because like an ass, what might look good on the outside, is really just a smelly cesspool of shambles on the inside.  Don't believe me, check out these two.  Better yet, check out this lovely that you're sure to find at your local Jiggly Room. (yeah it's okay to admit fellas, I'm strangely jelly of his old ass body too.... shambles)

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THING:

Coochie Cakes

     Yes, yes, let's all make the obvious joke about eating and vaginas.  Now that that's out of the way can we discuss this shambled sweet? (apparently it's a thing).  I mean, other than the obvious appetite reducing thoughts that arise when you cut into the cake (abortion, baby birthing juices, people's feet on your cake) can we think about this for a moment?  It appears this treasure is to be given while "Olivia" is actively squeezing a breathing, shitting, watermelon out her tang.  I'm not sure, but I think if I was actively pushing a bowling ball with legs out of my cooch (if I had one) the last thing on my mind would be "please, tooth fairy present me with a cake".  And we all know how much I love cake so turning one away would definitely be shambles.