Holy Hot Messes! - Draggin' that gay corn

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Activating Boner sequence now.  Ooh Pepsi!

     Lissy up, fellow Shamblers and Shamblette's.  If you were feeling bad about your life recently, fret not... at least you aren't these hot messes of debauchery.  This week we get to the heart of the hot mess issues with a fully gloved hand, because no one wants to touch a steaming pile of mess unless they've got a fierce poo purse on hand to hide the evidence.  Now hurry up and click onward because you know you can't wait to see what person, place, and thing are the hottest messes this week...

Good Shitty Movies: I eats mine wit excra campy

We're not in Hogwarts anymore, Bitches

     Hey there, bird brains.  Adrian G here again (as always) with another hot flick that you NEED to peep ASAP.  This one's a festive flick with tittays, murduuuuh, and semi-hot nerds/gay stuff.  So please-to order now before all 2 copies get gobbled up, cuz you won't be disappointed in this flick's dressings to kill portions.  But what flick of poultergeist hilarity and terror could I be hinting at by making all these lame bird jokes?  Take flight with me past the jump to find out what fowl film has me shouting thanks to the heavens and giving all of your gravy flavored condom covered peckers shrinkage with these lame-stuffed gobbley puns....

The Bitch List: Acting like ya wheels aint rude

We are superior... even that Jewy guy on the right.  Fear my swoop.

     Oh man, oh man, oh man... lotsa bitching to do this week (why won't these hobags just go away forever?).  For this weeks shramblefest, two out of the three things that need to be silenced forever for their transgressions against my existence are moron-in-control-of-automobile related... but I won't spoil all the fun before the jump.  So click onward-ho to see all the uncensored boobage carnage, and join me in my fight against this descending order of douches and douchettes who think they're superior than the rest of us normal-looking people and can do what they want without thinking about us minions of lard...

Is That A thing? -- Handpes & Footsting

Hey, Ref Baldylox. Why's your hand smells like Speedo Guy's ass?  "Same reason your foot does", Blondie

     A well trained Shamblette knows that I am a psycho about diseases, more importantly sexually transmitted ones.  Whether it's catching them or spreading them, I'm a freak about ghonoherpasyphillaids and more... but since no one wants to bone me ever at the moment I'm safe right?  Wrong.  This week's "Is that a thing?" is about what I'm dubbing "handpes"...  I won't give away all the pimply details upfront, so read on past the jump to learn how it's coming to a body near you, and to learn how some people feel about you literally being a pain in their ass...

PLL Redux: Talkin' junk with Anita Realitycheck

U gonna finish those grapes, Emily?  Shut up, bitch I'm smoldering

     I'm back, Bitches.  "A" here to let you know what was in my head while watching this week's Pretty Little Liars.  Sadly, Simbajaws is still on screen, while Mona was not... but at least Spencer had on an outfit that didn't make me gag.  Those two travesties and a blessing aside however, this week's ep was better (if not equally ridiculous) than last week.  Hanna's quips alone were worth two bacon cheeseburgers of praise and a tampon up the nose.  So, like Emily and her Speedo wedgie into the pool of fake scholarship dreams, let's jump inside this crotch to see what we can pick apart this week...

AngryBitter & Jelly: Steamy Creamy Edition

I have that same shirt in fat

     It's that time again already, hobags... it seemed like only yesterday we were starting and now we're on our third week of things that make the yeast in my AngryBitter and Jelly sammich rise.  Since Summer is upon us, this week's sammy of hatred follows a hot theme.  So read on to see what it is that's urking me this week and please-to leave some shambles in the comments section if you can relate...

Gays Do It Better: Double non-bearing fruits

Gurl, you givin' me a six inch gain with that blue poof!

          Hey gaydies and lezentlemen.  New feature this week, "Gays Do It Better" (yay!).  In this recurring set of posts I'm gonna spit out some truth that you know you'd love to swallow.  I'm featuring three things that gays just can't help but do better than straight people.  This week's topics are quite obvious, but not in a "gay way", so read on after the jump to see what countless celebs and Republican Senators are better than you at, but try not to be too jelly, you just aren't as good because...

Gchats U wish... Luvshamdles & Web ShamD

Me and Skittles tastin' all kindsa rainbows

       New Shamblette on the block.  My partner in Shambled crime, Skittles and I had a gcaht the other day discussing all the relevant issues.  Topics included: fatassness, party time in Vegas, and why guys just don't get girls sometimes (hint: men are morons and women are, well... women).  The transcripts are just a click away and followed by a lovely Shramble with Kiki about work lies, mystery ailments, and the person most in need of a face career redo.  So take a chance on us and read on for a heaping pile of truth...

True Blood: Lezbos & Troll Hoes & Birds, Oh my!

Hot mess alert, Snookie:  Season 4 is (time) jumpin' your ass

     So by now I hope you sluts have seen last night's True Blood premiere.  If not: A) why the hell didn't you do your homework? and B) Spoilerish shizz from last night be discussed here, so don't come bitchin' if you read something you didn't know.  I warned you twice now to get your watch on, so that sock puppet def don't fit if you're blaming me for your issues.  Now, with that outta the way let's get into the dirty nethers of the premiere...

Nerd Alert! Yuh Ho-work is on my desk

I'd still do him... ugh, (shame-bles)

     Hey, White Stains, it's Friday and you know what that means... time for your end-of-week dose of the five food groups of sanity (Books, TV, Movies, Music, Awesome) that you need to be familiar with in order to earn a ticket off Redemption Island.  So fasten that tape on your glasses, and pop a chub on in here to learn a thing or two before I nom that Nerd pictured above in a way only your priest could understand...