 |
| I'd still do him... ugh, (shame-bles) |
Hey, White Stains, it's Friday and you know what that means... time for your end-of-week dose of the five food groups of sanity (Books, TV, Movies, Music, Awesome) that you need to be familiar with in order to earn a ticket off Redemption Island. So fasten that tape on your glasses, and pop a chub on in here to learn a thing or two before I nom that Nerd pictured above in a way only your priest could understand...
Books:
 |
| So... this isn't a nude beach for pedos? My B, Mowgli |
Readle me this? What's a scary book about hotties stranded in the middle of nowhere while hungry cannibal hicks terrorize/nom them that's also a quick read full of more drama than a Pretty Little Liars finale? No, I'm not talking about the script for Cabin Fever (none of them were hot and that was a flesh eating virus). The answer we're all looking for is Jack Ketchum's "Off Season", and Amazon (allegedly) only has 13 left in stock so hurry your celluheavy ass up and get yours!
I realize this book may sound lame and gory (and gore there is in parts) but really it's about the people in the situation, not so much about the situation itself. It's also full of more tension than a butthole keeping in a fart during a first date car-ride (messy ending included). As usual, no spoilers from me but if you think you know what's gonna happen next or who's gonna survive you might as well just stick to stories that start with "once upon a time..." and nom snacks with "no trans fats" on the label because you are bore-ing.
I realize that Ketchum might not be well known, but his novel inspired Stephen King to start writing so it's basically like if I were super creepy and famous and decided to devote my life to writing after watching Scream (wait that second part's true). Long story short, A - give this book a shot, and B - Jack Ketchum:Stephen King :: Kevin Williamson: Adrian Grenadine. Which is more accurate? I'll let you decide.
-------------------------------------
TV:
 |
Ok, duh. Clearly this week's TV rec is True Blood. Season 4 of this hot mess (that's a complement) premiere's Sunday at 9pm on HBO. I love this show and all thing's Alan Ball more than carbs and saturated fats (OMG face I know), and since this year is the "season of the witch", you know me and my noms have already been cordially invited in to Bon Temps until the season finale.
Many of you with the internet and a sense of purpose, like myself, have seen the first 8 minutes of the season premiere and as miz as it seems to start out, I'm sure them sassy southern bitches won't disappoint us in the long run. QUICK POLL: Do I want to spend longer than half an episode in fake-fairy-trollville with Snookie and hotel mindreader guy? ANSWER: No, of course not. But I'm of the mind that, like a butterfaced ho-bag, just seeing the dreckitude at the top of something doesn't mean that what comes after isn't worth sticking around for. We'll all know whether I'm right or not when my excluuusive post of the episode lands here next week... but you have to watch it before you can judge, so don't forget, Bitches.
-------------------------------------
MOVIE:
 |
| Five of us are staring at weens, only one of us is laughing about it |
Like Coop proclaims to Katie in the first act of this brillz work of Shakespearean delight, "I want you inside me", I too want this movie within my cavernous orifacii of sugar and high fructose corn syrup. Wet Hot American Summer is like Lady Gaga's ghost peen, you either love it or hate it, but everyone's definitely talking about the time they saw it.
I considered writing a "Good Shitty Movies" feature about this opus, but alas I could not as there's nothing shitty about it (well, maybe McKinley's dick). Long story short, the cast is amazeballs (Amy Poehler, Paul Rudd, Christopher Meloni, Janeane Garofalo, Molly Shannon, Douchebag McCooter, David Hyde Pierce (heey gurrl)...) the list goes on and on.
This flick is goofball weirdo humor at it's best... and it's set in the 80's so both hot fashions and side ponies abound. Most of you have probably already seen it/already had a theme party for it, but after this blog post I'm certain you're inspired to see it again...and again. I know I is be.
BONUS FACT: a prequel may be in the works, so now I'm, of course, on the edge of my peen with anticipatory delight much as I was when Scream 4 was announced.
-------------------------------------
MUSIC:
 |
| If I could Nom plastic I would |
Do you like marshmellow jams that are good to read/write/nom too? Well me too (especially that last part). Blind Pilot's "Three Rounds and a Sound" is the best thing to come along since fried twinkies on a stick. For real though, there's not a bad song on the album. Like a Popular box set or double-wide case of Pringles, once you start you don't stop taking it in until it's all gone (and then you start on it again).
Don't get me wrong, that hippie mellow-rock granola crap is not something I subscribe to, these guys are different and their music won't be found during the final montage of a CW show or as a flavor at Ben & Jerry's (yum). Their music HAS however been featured on Parenthood in the past... so that automatically means it's related to quality stuff that makes you break through that botox and feel actual emotions.
I'd compare them to someone similarly awesome but, like Bjork's crazy, they're in a class all their own. TRUTH: Discovering their music is like being on the receiving end of a glory hole only to find out Jared Leto was on the other side (translation: awesome). Cereally folks, I highly recommend you give them a listen and see what you've been missing.
-------------------------------------
AWESOME:
 |
| You should see the brown model. It's great for eating salad. |
A picture might be worth 1000 words, but I can only think of one for this item: "Shambles". Now I don't know what this thing is called, but it's Japanese or something and it's sole purpose is to keep your beautiful silky Asian hair rat's nest out of your food. Leave it to the Asios to use their superior intelligence to make something I both loath and appreciate for it's existence. But when all's said and done, if you wanna look like a lion then go be Toby from PLL, but if you wanna keep your hair out of your face and food... might I suggest both some control of your nom-desires and a side pony?
----------------------------
K, that's it. Time to eat again. Even though we won't post again until Monday, feel free to come back over and over again like us at the free-sample counter, because here at the Shamblette's Blog we don't know the meaning of "one per customer", and we'll definitely let you take some additional samples for your "little sister who's with your parents on the other side of the store". 'Til Monday...
No comments:
Post a Comment