PLL Season 2 Premiere: Chum in the Savannah

Don't hate, bitch...these shoes were on sale

     So it's that time again, bitches.  PLL is back, and boy is it ever.  Everything I love about the show is in full force: the ridiculous "we-wish-we-were-Gossip-Girl-outfits", the horrible jumps in logic, and let's not forget the worst actor in the history of ever, that elusive shark-faced lion Toby...

     
     If you're confused let me explain, the actor who plays Toby (bless his heart) looks like what I imagine the offspring of a lion and a shark would resemble, and his "acting" is just as uncomfortable to look at.  I see this kid at the gym often, and every time I do, I'm tempted to go up to him and say; "Maybe you should save your $35.99 a month and spend that towards some acting lessons".  Seriously casting folks at PLL, at least Noel Khan is pretty to look at when he "acts" and pretends to be "A", Toby brings nothing but this and this and this deep inside me when he speaks.  Spencer deserves better than both him and those horrible witch hats they put her in for getting closer to the truth,..And I'm stating for the record here that if they don't kill or recast Toby (like they seem to do often with the males on this show), I'm gonna "A" the writing staff.  Yeah I'm looking at you I. Marlene King.  Don't make me send you sassy texts from beyond the grave, because if this Toby thing isn't ended soon I might be going to the afterlife just so I can make your life as uncomfortable as mine when Simbajaws is onscreen.

     Now on to the theory of the week, I'll keep it in 14 yr old girl speak for added effect, try to follow along...  Here's what I think:

     "A super jelly Melissa killed shihtzu faced Alison when she saw her acting out a Shaggy song in the woods with her might-be-dead ho-bag husband.  But since he just loooove's that dodo faced wife of his, Ian's covering for her but it's starting to make him look guilty (hence Ian's constant botox face of concern when the girls get closer to the truth).  Cut to, Melissa's preggo ass is trynna make it seem like Ian's alive and/or she helped him fake his death so that they can get a clean slate.  

     I mean, come on, big sis has to have something to do with it, it's too convenient that she left her cell in the church AND on the couch, she might be a lame character but she's not THAT LAME (ugh, bangs)!  Besides, I'm guessing Spencer's not in her friend 5 so she doesn't want to risk her chatting up sharkboy (twist!) on her droid and using valuable minutes she could be using to make more important calls. 

     Lastly, I'm still of the mind that "A" is Mona as she scorned and probably bi-polar-loco as hell, hence how Ezra's (ugh terrible name) diploma got into Dr. Anita New-haircut's office, (cuz Mona's a patient too). OR, Mona and miracle eye or someone else are "A".  But if it's Noel I really need him to admit his gayness, (seriously) and or bang Fitz before I can move on with his scheming ways... either that or he can just take off his shirt (gayness).  Tomato/Tomahto.  Thoughts?