PLL Redux: "A" recasts all but Toby (shambles)

You know I can see your snatch right?  Shut up, Aria Em likes it

     Hey, bitches. "A" here, (as in Grenadine).  PLL was back last night and I had about 45 pages of questions concerning everything but the plot... but for the sake of time (and your attention span) I thought I'd spare you all that crazy and simply recap the ep with a string of (still lengthy but abridged) thoughts that came to me while watching.  Be warned however that not all of them are positive (I know, gasp and swoon), and some of them make me a bit de-shambles-pressed (copyright, Kiki) but all in all I enjoyed my 43 plus minutes in Rosewood this week.  So don't just stand there and hope the velociraptor can't see you, get your juicy couture butt on in here and don't forget to bring your non-existent parents, recast brother, and invisible swimming scholarship with you... but watch out, there be shark-faced lions in these waters...

     So this is what it's like to be in my head when you watch PLL....

----- "Zombies don’t text and the cops don’t help" – good one Hanna, but you're wrong.

----- Jason totes got a nosejob , and he must have the same Dr as Niko Slater on Ugz Betty cuz he looks completely diff (they recast him)

----- No more tramping, Emily’s mom? Then there’d be no show.

----- I wanna get pregnant so that I can sit around and do nothing like Melissa’s sister and say I’m just following A's divalicious orders.

----- She’s not picking at everything you say with tweezers, Mr Fitz... just her own megabrows.

----- I love shaking people down too, Mona.

----- Stop feeding A info, Aria

----- That food line looks great PLLs, wish I had access to your cafeteria.

----- Hey promo guy (that I want to sleep with) if the block of "Melissa and  Joey" followed by "State of Georgia" is (as you say) the funniest night on television, then I give up on my dreams because television is a terribly boring place with bad extensions.

----- Also, and this is bad, the promo for "Switched at Birth" has me asking one main question, which one of the girls is the deaf one again?  I know it’s the redhead but they both sound like their mouths are trying to eat their chins.

----- Toby please be out of here for good; death or recasting are the only options guaranteed to keep you from coming back, no matter what you’re invisible parents say.

----- Hey, blonde lezbo chick who’s just as useless as Paige and her bangs, never hug a wet lesbian, especially one with the power of having a face full of makeup post-swim.

----- Danby is the worst name for a college ever, if it's a real place then I 43% retract that statement.  And it’s true, blonde lez, someone did just get scouted… that recruiter guy.  I wish he was better looking but I’d probably still go there.

----- First rule of fat club, Spencer…Never split brownie wedges, not with your boring sister, not with anyone… eat them all yourself. 

----- Wine tonight, miss Hanna's mom?  Wine every night!

----- Not only is there a new Jason, but that Alison house set is sooo not the same one from last year, and why is there Dracula fog in the background… did that dog Jason ran off just transition?

----- "I’ve got a lot of things to do inside, can I help?" Spencer did you just ask him to intercourse you?

----- Since my Halloween costume this year is gonna be Hefty Hanna, I’m so glad she made a cameo in this ep so I won’t have to google search her today.

----- Continuity is important for you right now, Emily… even though the show you’re on doesn’t seem to have much of it anymore.

----- The real reason you got fired, Toby is because you’re hideous… I wish Mr Sweeny was actually I. Marlene King

----- Does Mr Fitz seem extra gay this season?  And why does Aria have a raptor tooth around her neck posing as a necklace.  The answer comes when you see who the costume supervisor is.

----- "A whole new family"… a new kind of family… is that synergy via Hanna, ABC family?

----- (as Aria waits in Fitz' apartment) This song is horrible, and does that typewriter type in Shakespeare or did she hand write that message?  My typewriter only types in typewriter so I'm super jelly, Mr Fitz.

----- Cyberbully looks like the best movie since "Pregnancy Pact"… how was I not born as a 14 year old girl?

----- Oh my god lezbions stop talking during the movie, even if it is just the previews.  "Ghosts of first girlfriends make some kind of competition", true blonde lez, but ghosts of dead Alison's leave an even bigger one.  Yes I want to go someplace else…inside that popcorn bucket that dude has in the background, he knows what’s up (it’s bigger than my middle roll!)

----- I forgive you Mona… for that bracelet.

----- Toby now looks even more meth'd out, I’m adding snake to his DNA to form Simbajawsnape, ok not forever…just for now and… wait Toby just said Hannah's line from before about the cops, wud he listenin’ in on the bitches?

----- Damn, Aria that heel is even more ridiculous that the fact that you entered a house with a broken window and essentially started calling out "come kill me "A"".  Now you’re getting thrown around, sometimes I can't tell if I'm watching PLL or Scream 4.

----- Monte Carlo looks like the worst movie since Pregnancy Pact.

----- OMG!!! This commercial is bad enough with that Jonas brother in it (damn he peaked years ago) but it’s for people with intellectual disabilities, and it’s sponsored by Acuvue, so random, so terrible…  what’s an intellectual disability other than dyslexia and being an idiot? Dear God my head is exploding and now there’s a commercial for a razor that shaves your bush accurately (bless) the demo for this channel doesn’t even have  firme la boosh yet.

----- God this recruiter guy must have studied at the Toby Cavanaugh school of acting, it’s right off of terrible and actor boulevard.  All lingering thoughts of tapping are now erased.

----- "Always read, have a good life"… thanks Mr Fitz I’ll remember that.  If only that mantra lead to all of us boning 16 year old girls.

----- Uh oh, slow mo hallway run, I don’t like where this is headed.  Bitch why are you looking so sad, he left the school, not YOU...  You know where he lives and isn’t his goodbye supposed to mean that you can... ew… NO!!!  Seriously, Aria you’re not allowed to make out with your teacher on school grounds Aria… or ever, you’re 16!!!!!  His employment status as your teacher doesn't negate that fact, if it did I'd be boning so many kids right now because I don't teach.

----- "I never left the house", I want your life, Melissa, but not your face or your husband.

----- "We've gotta stick together no matter how much lying it takes", I love you Hanna.  Gain that 50 pounds back and I'll love you even more.

----- I hate the new Jason, he’s suddenly becoming the new Toby... and for no good reason because he, like me, used to/might still be an underwear model in real life.

----- Next week’s promo cut off halfway through, why don’t you just take my ugly betty, popular, and ER dvd’s to the pawn shop while you’re at it DVR since you’re clearly trying to ruin my life “A” style?!

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     So that’s that.  What did you all think of the episode?  Personally it was just kinda meh for me, but a PLL "meh" is still better than an anything else "amazeballz" so I can’t complain too much.  Until next week, bitches!   ---- A