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| Unless of male origin or attached to Noel Kahn |
Bling bling, Bitches... back from the archives to bring another edition of
Is It In Yet? This time we got some extra faboosh fashions to rock your infected socks off. So grab that jew-elry coochie box, break out the anti-itch cream, and click on in here to see what new accessory to Shambles we're trying to get out into the multiverse. But we warned... some folks aren't ready for all the
nasty fabulosity this week's topic may possess...
RING WORM ACCESSORIES!
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| Ferosh! |
True, ring worm is not in fact a worm... it's a stank ass fungus that grows in a ring shape wherever it infects and is in the same Shamily as athletes foot, jock itch, and Nicole Richie's face. But guuurl if we Shamblette's aren't here to try and work that shit like a prada bag and ferocia side pony. Now don't get us wrong, having ring worm doesn't necessarily make you gross... just unlucky... but if you rock that shit like whoa you're certain to go from "potentially nastay" to "ooh gurl where'd you get dat bling?"
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| Ooooh, Ferocia cute earrings! |
Just picture it, a line of ring worm trailing around your neck like a pearl necklace (but without all the jizz). Imagine a cute little ringworm twist around your finger instead of some much expensive diamond ring that only makes you look like a fatter version of the real houseguys of New Jersey anyway. Plus, once the divorce is final you don't have to worry about pawning off those Shambled memories... you just have to finally wash your hands and apply some Lamosil or tough actin' Tenactin to wash away the shame.
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| Work it, Mr. Kittles! |
I know you've seen bitches walking around with their mini dogs that might also be cats or gerbils as accessories too... well don't buy that Gucci animal tote just yet cuz ring worm is also gonna help make that little pooch ferosh! That's right, rub your new accessory on the little critter and watch as they start to match your outfit. I mean it's terrible to even joke about doing that, but you probs got that shit from your stankin' ass pup anyway, why not return the gift that was given to you while also plus tenning you and little Toto's matching accessory points? It beats the hell outta spending your dick-sucking cash on dog clothes they're just gonna shit and piss all over anyway.
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| Nice tat, Bitch. Thanks, it means "Yeast" in Chinese. |
But how can you ensure to get these fashions and make them stay? Well like a shitty Henna tattoo or hair wrap thingy at the boardwalk, all you need to do to get one is find someone nasty that'll help you out for little to no cost. Also like those shitty Henna tattoo's and hair wrap thingies (yet unlike real tattoos), should you not be feeling the look... the bling worm accessory will go away after a few washes if you take care of the shit as directed.
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| Gurl U workin' dem hands on hips... please-to pass the ringwormz |
However... if you're less desperate than the rest of us bitches and wanna get your accessory on for cheaper than a shitty
turkey hair-wrap or Henna tat, you just go to a gym and run all around on the mat and hope for the best. I hear walking barefoot in the locker room might help you out too (Shambles), but doing that would only make me blog about you in some upcoming
Bitch List post... so maybe it's best to stick with the beach carny and workin' that RW like it was overtime... cuz no one ever said lookin' good came without a price.
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| It's called a bra, Nicole... and shoes... and a cheeseburger |
So there we have it. Another fashion trend before it's time boutta blow up the runways of Milan like a toilet after the tri-annual all-you-can-eat-chilly-buffet at Taco Bell. Don't say I didn't warn you bitches that these fashions are risky and could harm your rep, but you know what... Nicole Itchy has no problem taking my advice by walking barefoot and trying to catch the trend like a bad case of Crabs... so why don't you give it a shot too... Just don't come anywhere near me in the meantime, ya' nastay Hobag.
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