Nerd Alert! Weekend Ferocia Haz Arrived

Hey, Johnny Depp Face!  Please-to trade bodies with me.

     For once, that squealing sound you hear isn't my middle roll begging for air from it's clenched state betwixt the man boobs and bottom roll... it's the sounds of gallons of faboosh fux letting out their anticipatory joy upon peeping what treasures this week's Nerd Alert! will uncover like a secret XXXXL graphic-T hidden at the bottom of the $5 bucket in Urban Outfitters.  So push that skinny bitch with the cute top in her hands outta the way, cuz Fattrocia Adrian Grenadine is here to share with yallz my pics for all things awesome in the 5 food groups of Shambles that you must-to get familiar with over the weekend for fear of (like a rapper's dick in an Asian groupie's ass-parts) not fitting in like everyone else...
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BOOK:   Where's Waldo?

He's judgin' dem fashions, where you think he is?

     Bitch, don't hate.  You know this shit is the shit.  When I was a kid slash last week I loved gettin' muh search on for this horribly fashioned Nerd Alert.  You know this bitch is tall as hell too, and packing just as tall in his blue pants.  Is it wrong for me to think of WW as a sexual being?  Sure, but at least he's of age.  It's more embarrassing for me to want Gay Lucas' gennies on PLL, cuz he's only like 16 or something and I'm over 80.  But I digress.  

     Where's Waldo taught me how to spot a hottie in a sea of atrosh at duh cluuuuuub.  It taught me to follow clues which, now that I'm being tormented via text from beyond the grave by my ex BFF, are useful.  And last but not least, DubDubs taught me that when you're frustrated enough, you can convince yourself that the dude who looks close enough to what you're looking for will do until the next challenge comes along.  So whip out those dix creddy cards and please-to purchase a throwback WW adventure.  Cuz like that dude you sought out at the club who isn't really Neal Patrick Harris but is just as douchey... you're in for an adventure.

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TV:   Noah's Arc

Thank You For being a friend.  And black... and gay.

     Good lord this show is a shitshow to be sure... but that's why I love it.  It hails from the gloryhole days of LOGO yore and has not a single white person on it, so go diversity.  It's about a writer named Noah (Noah's Arc, get it?)  BONUS POINTS = original title was "Hot Chocolate" -- and his three gaywad friends who wish they were the gay black version of the Sex In The City bitches but are really just a lame version of the Bratz hobags (PLL Mona shoutout!).  
     Is the show preachy, shittily acted, only lasted 2 seasons, and completely over the top with gayness?  Does a pedo get a boner on "bring your kid to work day?"... ANSWER: yes... but that's not a problem cuz that's what makes it so good.  Not to mention this show features one of the most hilario gaywads in all of the gayniverse... the Alex character.  Peep some dialogue below from the show for confirmation of above fax.

Alex: At 5:30, he gets into LAX. Around 7:30, he'll be getting into me.

Ricky: If I can help out a friend in need, and get some hot ass in the process, it's a win-win.

Baby Gat: What's wrong, where you going?
Noah: You just dragged me to the middle of a shootout with a cross-eyed drug dealer, and you're asking me what's wrong?

Baby Gat: [to Noah] Curtis. My name is Curtis. Tell anyone, and it's your ass in a sling... and I don't mean it in a gay way.

Alex: Child, Gay folks ain't got nobody but Jesus.
                    
Alex: Little Egypt is so cute. How old is she now, four?
Chance: Three, and for the tenth time, her name is Kenya."
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MUSIC:   Ingrid Michaelson

Bonus points for the Watomel Noms, Ingo.

     Hideo Old Maid first name and Lisa Loeb resemblance aside, bitch got mad pipes.  Her voice is soothing like a 10am Baconator and her trax are catchier than crabs at a pube convention.  Hobag's hits are used on Parenthood and in an Apple commercial back in the day, so that already puts her at 75% awesome without even hearing a note or well phrased lyric.  But then you push play and there's no doubt how gifted Ingy is.  "The Way I Am" from her album Girls And Boys and "Be Ok" from the album Be Ok are most well knownish... but there are countless others on her three albums of chill piano rock (Including "Sort Of" off the album Somebody linked below). 
     I realize this genre is a little slow and lezzy for some, but peep a listen of her shit below anyway... And if you like it (which you will unless your heart is made of Fat Free Dressing), please-to get her music (New Album TBD later this year)... but give Uncle Adrian credit for introducing you to her.  Now here's that link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_4utiBscIE&feature=player_detailpage
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MOVIE:   American Beauty

Nice Dick.  Thanx, I like your white robe.

     Love this movie.  Classic acting, written by God Alan Ball.  Thora Birch's Roswell spaceship sized nipples get a cameo, as do Mena Suvari's Calista Flockhart's waist sized ones.  Oh and Chris Cooper and Alan Ball I mean Kevin Spacey (SPOILER ALERT!) do a little lip lockin'.  Wes Bently's nostrils flare when he shows emotion, Allison Janney is nearly unrecognizable, and Annette Benning is batshit crazy.  All in all it's an amazing character piece about family dramz that deals with some deep shit.  It's also shot great and has an amazeballz soundtrack.  It came out in 1999 too, so if you haven't seen it yet you're a loser, and you really need to peep it ASAP before I de-friend your ass on Facebook or flag you as spam on Twitter.
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AWESOME:   Chocolate SCRABBLE

For Sale?  Lame.  How about "Eat" or "Nomz"? Quadruple fat score for the "z", bitches!

      This one's easy.  Chocolate + Boardgames = delicious fun.  Also, if you get bored with the shit (no pun), you can just eat your way to further happiness.  Don't have an "R" to finish spelling "Breast"?  Just eat the "B", fuq the "R", and spell "eats".  Just like turning the lights out and playing "guess who's in my mouth", urrybody who plays Choco Scrabz wins.  Unless of course you play with Charlie Sheen or anyone whose last name rhymes with "Hardashian" or "Zohan".  But NBD, if you wanna avoid those fux, just play in a rehab or STD clinic.  Prollem solved.  Now (literally) devour this awesome shit before I eat the whole thing myself like it's Friday and time for my third mid-morning-pre-lunch snack.