Random Bless: "Wegroes" & They Brethren

Holla back and blessed be

     Hello, hello, hello, Hobags.  After the disaster that was last week, let's hope this one gets off to a better start.  And in order to attempt that feat of Shampossibility, we're bringing you the staple posts of the week you're accustomed to like TB and PLL recaps, Weekly Hot Messes, Gchats U Wish, Nerd Alert, The Bitch List, and Gays Do It Better... but we're also unveiling some new ones with ferosh intensity like a Drag Queen at her man-lady debutante ball.  
     So with that in mind, welcome to the new feature we call "Random Bless"...  basically, this recurring post will come at you with the things I feel need a bless more than old dudes in Tivas and knee-high socks.  So click onward and see what lovely gets the stamp of bless in our inaugural laying of thine shambled hands...

 
RANDOM BLESS... "Wegroes" (and their "brethren")

Many blesses to these hot messes

     Oh please-to whip out the candles and holy water and lay those hands on these folks who are in desperate need of some touch, and not in the short-bus kinda way.  To those of you not in the know, I'm being PC here with my made up word of bless.  The correct term is "wiggers", but it's 2011 bitches... so before we all die in a year from the Mayan's amazeballz ability to be relevant years after their disappearance from modern society like "Debra" Gibson and Tiffany in that Sharktopus vrs Gatoroid movie last year, let's try to not piss anyone off more than we need to, mmkay?  
    Anyway, I prefer white-negro to come together and form the mulatto baby that is the term I'm coining "Wegroes" instead of the old fashioned "wigger".  Either way, boy oh boy do these folks need some random bless in their lives... but it's not just white boiz who are guilty of this Shambomination.

Can't touch this... err, I mean... Ice Ice Baby.

     If you're still confused, let me explain further as this applies to a vast array of wannabe idiots.  Basically what I'm blessing here are white dudes that want to be a race other than their own and therefore look ridiculous in trying as their using stereotypes to convince people they're part of other said culture.  In this case I'm saying black culture, but it also applies to Asians (Asites), Latinos (Whatinos), and every combination in between (Blatinos, Lasians, Whatinaslacks) as apparently wanting to be any race other than your own afflicts all the colors of the gaynbow. 

Orange shirt in the background has it right... this is wrong.

     Please-to lissy up here folks as I need to make myself clear before proceeding.  I'm not talking about the fools experiementing with style or whatnot while trying to come in to themselves (tee hee), I'm talking about the hardcore poser bitches who border on full time identity crises with a side case of WTF hideosity who are so delusional they actually start being racist against themselves and the race/culture they came from in an attempt to cover their wolf bodies with sheep's clothing.

Hey, Chewbacqeena... we'z got top bunk tonight.  Cool?

     But it's not just dressing a certain way to try and fit in that these folks need blessings for, it's also dating the women/men in that culture exclusively or even denouncing the race in themselves and claiming they're the other race at heart because their great-great-grandfather banged a black chick during the Civil War.  

We has a bebeh... we named her Blacktavia White

     Now don't get me wrong fellow Shamblers and Shamblette's.  I'm not saying that racial mixing isn't a good thing, cuz I'm all for it (how you doin' Gael Garcia Bernal, Mos Def, and Ferocia Yunjin Kim)... but pretty much anything under 50% does not someone another race make, especially at the DMV or when applying for a diversity writing fellowship (trust me, I've tried).  
     So unless you're trying to get some kind of obscure scholarship to your local online community college, just because your light ass has dark roots, doesn't mean you don't still look like an idiot by abusing and not appreciating how those distant roots of yore helped establish your natural hair color of today and always.

Don't be fooled... this guy needs something, but it's NOT a bless

     Don't get me wrong part 2.  I myself have been accused of secretly harboring a black girl named Precious inside me with how I talk or act/eat sometimes.  But like that lovely pictured above... I might look a mess, and I might need some help with my face and (unlike him) less cheeseburgers, but I'm not denying that I'm a white boy who just happens to get along with black ladies who share my love of skinny white dudes and bacon.  
     Also like homeboy and his fashions pictured above, there may be things about me or my appearance that are more popular in cultures other than my own, but at the end of the month when I take my shower and strip off the exterior stuff, there's no denying the white boy staring back at me in the mirror with pizza on his face and a middle roll smirking up with judgy side eye from below the man-boobs.

White people juss don't get it.  Am I right, my Brutha?  (head smack)

     In all for real though, to each their own.  I'm not here to judge what you wear, who you date, or what you listen to in your Honda Accord while driving to the gas station to pick up super spicy Hot Fries and Funyuns... I'm only here to bless, because there's nothing wrong with being a part of or integrating with another culture that isn't your own.  
     What I'm taking issue with here is the slutnuggets who are so oblivious in their attempt to be something else or "to be funny", that they end up looking like an idiot and are essentially being borderline racist in their attempt to darken or lighten their skin by simply changing the clothes they wear and the way they talk.  
    Think of this way... Everyone has an asshole, but that doesn't mean everyone IS an asshole.  Simply smelling like farts and talking shit does not make you an asshole, it makes you act like one... but at the end of the day if you're not an asshole deep down, people are gonna see through your shit and realize you're just a douche who's trying too hard... and I don't know about you but if I'm an asshole, I don't want anything to do with a douche because that's not really something I want in my inner circle... but some people do... so bless y'all too.

If it's tue, Boo... Then U know where to findz me.

     Random side note though.  Some of these fux (like homeboy pictured above) are foin as hell and could racial profile and hate crime me any day they felt like it... but he and his fine ass kind are the sexceptions to the rule.  End of side note... back to bless.

Yes

     This shit isn't some new phenom either, it's been going on in it's own strange way for a hot ass minute now.  Just think about it, back in the day people were super racist against our brothas and sistahs in less subtle ways than now.  Back then, instead of some douchelord in baggy jeans and a bandanna with a gold tooth talkin' bout hoes and how he's black at heart trying to show the world his street cred, people just took a less directly offensive route and instead went with something less subtle, but just as overtly ignorant... they went with black face.  

That's right, white plug in the background.  That hoe iz racist!

     Hear me out, hobags... blackface is stoopidly offensive and terrible, I'm not condoning that shit by ANY means... but at least black face was an honest attempt to get the point across while excluding black actors... kind of like the American version of the "no bitches in theater" rule those Greek fux had back in the day... can't allow black people on stage to act, so let's make them outta the whites we've already got and aren't hatin' on KKK style.  if you're gonna be insulting do it because you're an ignorant dickhead, not because you wish you were something you're not and think what you're doing makes you "like them"... blackface makes you racist and "black", but stereotypes just make you racist. 
     The above paragraph is pretty terrible even to joke about, but honestly... which is more offensive?  Smitty Joe black face, or Kevin Federline pretending to "rap" and getting stank bitches preggo off his I-wish-it-were-bigger-and-blacker manween?  Remember when he was just some white trash dancer that got Brit-Spearz preggo?  Those were the days. 
     

Marty King Jr and Rosa P. must be super proud their work led to this.  So when y'all bonin', huh?

     Trust sluts, I'll take stereotypes any day over some stupid privileged white boy using said stereotypes to pretend he's just like Antoine, Carlos, Kim Chung Foy, and Jamal.  And it might not be that hard to fool people into thinking you're something you're not... I mean Rosie O'Donnell pretended to be straight and have the hots for Tom Cruise, which is funny because Tom Cruise is still pretending to be straight and have the hots for Katie Holmes, but (like a dick) just because something isn't that hard, doesn't mean you need to do it.
     Now I'm not saying that a white guy (or other) can't assimilate into another culture and vice versa, and I'm not saying some people aren't truly comfortable and confident in what I'm blessing here today... and to those I say God Bless, I'm not one to judge you if that's who you truly are... BUT, by trying to be something you're not that's based on stereotypes, you're only furthering said stereotypes for those in the culture trying to break free of them... And to me that's like ordering a vegetarian sammy and adding bacon.  Nom-worthy and delish perhaps, but against everything the original sammy was all about.  Because no matter what you tell yourself, a veggie pita with chicken is still a chicken pita... and no amount of soy dressing you put on it is gonna change the fax.  Blessed be.