Gays Do It Better: Egyptian Judgement

Bitch stop playin' and sing Rehab...  Too soon?

     Attention all gaywads and lezboynes.  It's a sad week for the Royal Shambly as Amy Winehouse is no more, however I'm now 1 for 3 on my deathlist this year.  So Betty White, Charlie Sheen, and Lindsay Lohan watch out cuz I'm on a roll and LiLo you are now Queen Shamblina.  Whew, now that the inappropriate truth is outta the way, let's get down to some gay stuff.  To keep with our abridged new format, we're only featuring two balls p-lips things that gays are better than straights at... but just because it's smaller doesn't mean it can't still feel good.  So click up on in this shit and let's do some straight bashin'...
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Gays Do It Better... EGYPTIAN HEAD SHAKE

Gurl do NOT start with me.  I WILL sleep with your brother.

    I know what you're thinking... What the hell is this shit?  But you know exactly what it is, you've just never thought of it in these Cleopatra terms before.  EHShake is when gays get fierce attitude with a bitch and somehow detach their necks allowing them to swivel it around in a circular motion whilst not moving their face at all save some pursed lips of death and a single raised eyebrow.  The head takes a circular lap of ferosh and is usually accompanied by an "oh the hell no you didn't" finger of pointy blame paired with an upside-down hand on the hip with butt stuck out as though to let you know it's still open for bidness.

Bitch, I will eat you alive... literally.

     A good Egytpian Head Shake comes during a fight, a bitch-off, or just because the gay in question is feeling sassy.  Its origins come from the sassy black bitch species and doesn't favor straight mens as well as it does the aforementioned gays and Nubian-Queens... and if straight women attempt it they just look racist.  Bonus points are given to a truly talented gay who can EHS so well they cause a minor windstorm and accompanying "whoosh" sound with their hairweave-parts as they do it.  So the next time you try to get real with a bitch, straight doods... make sure your shades and Yankees hat are secured tightly, as we gays can not and will not be responsible for all loose articles lost in theez ferocia storms.
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Gays Do It Better... JUDGE YOUR OUTFIT

Okuur!  Blessed be, Doctor Who.

     This one is pretty duh-huh.  Gays are just better than straights at talkin' mad trash-shit about what you're wearing.  The reasons are varied: to make themselves feel better about their terrible fashions, to make you feel worse so they feel better about their terrible fashions, and/or to just fill your life with truth that yes, those gouchos does do make you look fat. 

Cancel dem unemployment chex, Ferocia cuz u workin' dem fashions.

     We gays are here to let you know the truth about the world you procreate in, and step one of that truth comes with telling you the reality about what you're wearing.  But face it, ladies, you know that's part of the reason you keep us around.  Not only will we make you laugh and not try to stick it to your cooch-parts, but we'll also act as your live mirror that tells you if you truly are the fairest of them all.
     So the next time you're at Ross Dress For Less looking at that pink top with those white ugg boots from 2003 and a pashmina scarf with a ketchup stain on it... you better make sure there's a gay within ten feet of you to tell you DO NOT WANT HELL NO, while also trying to get whatever ketchup is left on that scarf for his (better be in his hands) side of Wendy's sea salt fries.  Hallehloo...