SILOHBS: Short Bus Hotties

What rhymes with "Duck" and can be done doggy style?  LICK!

      I'm baaaaaaaack!  This time with a special extended edition of SILOHBS, or: "Stuff I Like Or Hate But Shouldn't" (longer due to the sensitive matter being discussed--insert ween joke here).  The first time around it was cute pschopaths who got my seal of approval, but this time I'm taking an even more borderline-offensive topic into consideration.  Will there be a different outcome?  Will I get hate mail and death threats for the things I have to say?  Probably not since we're still such a small blog... but take the jump anyway to see if I like or hate this week's selection: "short but hotties"...

Don't cry, Ben... Adrian and Shamblina will getcha outta dem shorts

                 ...ME LIKE short bus hotties, duh! 

     Now before you get all offended, let me get cereal and explain myself.  I'm not trying to be funny by making jokes at the expense of "handy capable" people (or whatever the PC term is these days).  I'm also not talking about some fantasy I have of giving Stephen Hawking a lap dance or Sling Blade a handy then calling it a day (though I do love them french fried pertaters too, Carl).  I am however talking about those I find attractive with disabilities which place them in "special needs" categories such as "deaf", "blind", and/or high functioning mentally handicapped folks.  I must say though (before you get your juicy couture in a bind) that the majority of these folks getting my bones up are actually fictional characters portrayed by actors.
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Mr Fitz?  Nope.  Model?  Yes.  And you?  Fatass in front of a computer

     In an effort to offend fewer people, let me stop explaining myself and just list some examples (in film) of what I'm talking about.  
     David Arquette the actor is more insane, desperate, and gross than short bus hottie material.  HOWEVER, Officer Dewey Riley (played by Arquette) and his 70's gay porn 'stache, doofus ways, and manboy insecurities makes me say "bring it on, Deputy Riley".  The actor is gross to me, whereas the character the actor plays (who happens to be a little "slow") is all good in the hood and won't get kicked outta my bed.
     It works the other way around too.  For example, Dave Sheridan plays Doofy in Scary Movie.  I have the special whoreness to see that beneath the ridiculous portrayal, Doofy is hot with a capital shazam!  My whoredar is proven right as at the end of the movie, once you see who he really is... it's boners for everybody.  I like to think in real life I have this bonervision as well that lets me see through to someone's buried hotness should they have it, no matter what disability they may or may not have (or maybe I'm just weird).  But I digress...

Nom, Kenneth... Nom

     When I say "short bus hotties", I mean those the likes of Kenneth from 30 Rock, Forrest Gump, Sean Penn in I Am Sam, and that gay deaf guy from The Amazing Race... these folks aren't "mentally retarded" (well maybe Sean Penn was but he was a good father so still boneable whatev), and they're more than capable of having a sexual relationship... they just happen to have disabilities that may make them unattractive to haters or they baby mammaz.  I however am of the opinion that just because someone has a disability, doesn't mean they can't be smokin' hot too like the runner Oscar Pistorius... so you're the racist or whatever the term is if you don't at least consider my point... or Oscar's manties bulge.
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I said three fingers, Arnie... THREE.  Now gimme dem snacks

     Do I feel bad that I used to crush on white trash Leo Dicaprio in What's Eating Gilbert Grape?  Nope, I'm more worried that I could be a stand-in for his obese mother.  Do I hold my head low in shame and say a second prayer each night for having the hots for Giovanni Ribisi in The Other Sister, Hugh Dancy in Adam, or Ben the Soldier, Rickety Cricket, Liam McPorly, and Lil' Kev from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia?... maybe a lot for Liam, but the others... no way.  If anything, my choice of "short bus hotties" as a term is more offensive than my attraction to these fictional (and sometimes real) folks.
     In the end, me and Arnie say "to each their own"... especially if the crush is on a fictional character.  But if it isn't, as long as the person you're attracted to is of age, able to think for themselves, and understands what's going on between the two of you; I say go for it... cuz who the hell is anyone to say the people you should and shouldn't be attracted to?  Especially when those haters are busy enough tweeting dick picks and traumatically inseminating their cleaning ladies.  Am I right or what?