 |
| Pass dat blood & blessed be, cuz bishes gawn die tonight! |
Another week down, another boner already had in anticipation for next week's episode. This week's shit started off kinda slow, but the back half of the episode had me clutching the pearls, laughing my ever-widening ass off, and trying to suppress my bone-parts for more awesomeness from our Lord and saviors, Alan Ball and friends. Also, this week was amazeballs X 1000 cuz there was no Jesus or Portia for miles! So before I explode bacon bits everywhere, let's redux the shit outta this week's episode, titled Spellbound and written by Allah, Mr. Alan Ball himself...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
 |
| I want outta deez bars, not my contract. Why U gotta try'n kill me? |
Previously on Sunny With A Chance Of Murder, Jessica's not dead (duh), but she's 'boutta fuq up that pretty face of Jason's, then sit on it, then break out her best Urkel impression with her "did I do that?" in reference to dead guard Bucky or whatever... Now on to the episode.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
------BEEL, JASON/JESSICA/HOYT, ERIC/SNOOKIE------
 |
| Is this a dream? Try nightmare, hands offuh me b4 I fall asleep! |
BILL: Believe it or not, Bill did NOT make me want to kill myself this week. He was very take-charge in his dealings with Marnie-Mumbz, and he didn't spend all his time pining over Sookie like another pussy whose name may or may not be one "D", "R", and "K" short of the name "Derrick". But there's plenty more bitching with that pusswad later, for now we're talking about Bill... and I must say that he's still boring as hell, but I like him in his leadership role. Here's to hoping he takes Ru Paul's advice and doesn't "fuq it up"... but knowing his boring ass, he probably will. JASON & JESSICA & HOYT: Poor Jason's caught between a cock and a muff-hill, home boy wants to be true to his boy Hoyt, but he doesn't wanna lie to his throbbing ween either. Let's hope he gets his dick together before Tittay McMethhead and her band of inbred Were-Panthers return in a few weeks to claim their "Ghost Daddy" or whatever. SIDE NOTE: Am I the only one who thinks that cute retarded deputy is gonna get were-pantherfied since he can sense the rain after his attack? Anyway, I digress. Poor Jess, not only is she nearly killed, but she also gets the Louboutin boot from her Boo, Hoyt AND her object of coochie lust, Jason. Methinks homegurl is about to get all for real suicidal, or at least hobag out as she's been scorned like me at the buffet after abusing the whole "all you can eat" policy. What Hoyt said to ginger-vamp was hurtful with a capital "Oh Shit, Gurl no he di-in't", but he was hurt too. SIDE NOTE 2: Can we have more of fantasy whiny face-smashed-to-death Hoyt please? I kinda loved his melodramatic Telenovella self... also, totally called it on him going back to mama when this is all said and done, they gotta give Maxine some company now that her neighbor is dead and Tommy is sure to be by season's end after all this skin walking shit.
ERIC & -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---TARA/LADY MUMBZ, LAFAYETTE/H-TUBZ, FACEROCIA/HOLLY---
TARA & MARNTONIA: Lez-partsless Tara is seemingly starting to realize she's not in the Bowling Alley/Home Depot anymore, and much like while in between her GF's legs, she's kinda in over her head. Yet another near-death experience under her belt, Tara seems to slowly be showing signs that she might want redemption and can maybe see that she needs to chill the fuq out with all this angry lezbo shit. Methinks she'll turn her weave around and be an inside mole used to kick Antonia outta Marnie's awesome ass and send both those bitches packing... cuz if not, Tara Mae is a goner. Speaking of Marntonia, hobag is now only 3 seconds away from the awesomeness that was Maryanne in Season 2. Whether it's her struggling to work the remote (hilario), workin' that fog spell like it's overtime, or pulling a Sookie and turning Eric into her on-his-knees slave, I'm loving this witchy bitch like satty fats. So I'm cherishing the final 4 episodes we have with her cuz ain't no way we'll be seeing her in Season 5. LAFAYETTE & HARRIET-TUBWOMAN: The best thing about Laf this week other than everything (sans that fuqing terrible hair!) was the fact that Jesus was nowhere to be found. I've never been more happy NOT to see someone than the time that rapist in the alley behind my apartment complex finally gave up and went after a new Hilary Swank look-alike to ask for spare change... but I digress. Laf was getting his possession/Patricia Arquette Medium on and it is all kindsa faboosh. Now he really has a reason to sashay away as he takes all dem bebeh's and works that pink swoop collared shirt like he's still a slave. Bonus points to his Scary Movie 2 callback with that "ah fuq this" when he walked into the kitchen and saw Frenchy-Negress chillin wif the chillinz in the Merlotte's kitchen. Speaking of which, H-Tubz finally got to speak this week, and everything she said made me think of Amistad, Halle Berry in Losing Isaiah, and me at Wendy's when they say they're closed and have to drag me out screaming... that sad truth aside, two things: 1 - I called that shit about her dead bebeh's spirit tied to dead doll or whatever last week did I not? and 2 - her bebeh-daddy not only has jungle fever, but he's also got my squishy parts in a cast cuz shit is hardening... makes me wish I was a black woman too so he'd bone me... oh wait.
FEROCIA PAM/FEROCIA HOLLY: Bitch looks great, those shots of Hotox Botox or whatever Tangina has been giving her are working, but I'm sure that was just so Kristin Bauer Van Stratten didn't have to sit around in makeup for 34456856 hours a day to de-feroshize her mug. And even though we didn't get much time with Pam this week, she still found some time to get in a few zingers, so not only is that better than nothing, it's more than we can say for Holly, who only appeared on team Marntonia for a brief moment rocking some seriously Ferosh hairs. Werk it you Wiccan Mammasita, hope you get to express that inner bitch with words next week. I'm keeping my scrotes crossed that you do. --------------------------------------------------------------------------
SAM & LUNA: Sam's gonna have to kick some Bebeh-daddy ass in the coming weeks I'm sure, but Luna's gonna have to work even harder not to make me want to kill myself Beulah-style every time she comes on screen. More of the same lame from these two this week, but at least we didn't have to see those other two losers from the beginning of the season during shifter-fireside chat camp... so I can't complain too murch. TOMXINE: As much as I love Tommy/Sam from last week, I REALLY love Tom/Maxine from this one. Hobag had some terrosh hair-parts and makeup that would make even drag queens jealous of the level of campy. But it was great to see Maxine even more ridic than her normal dead-vamp-photo-taking, news-report-giving self. Also great, some actual sorta payoff for that whole rando "gas under the house" shit from weeks back. SIDE NOTE 3: That gas salesman guy was super cute for a dapper older gentleman don't you think? I do, nom... anyway. Poor Maxy is gonna be out of a house now that Tommy sold it, guess it's a good thing Hoyt has a house and is now living alone slash feeling like his Mom was right all along, right? Just a thought.
ALCIDE & DEBBIE & MAR-SUX: Call me Miss Cleo, Sluts I totes called the whole Debbie going apeshit while Alcide's pink think comes out for Sookie. Here's to hoping Debbie McBlondecurls and her new crew of "nice bitches" come and chomp some Alcide dick off (I'll help, but replace "chomp" with "jerk" preez). My new premonition, Debbie loses it full time and dies, or kills herself, leaving Alcide to nom on Sookie's tittays (which got more screentime than half the cast this week BTDubbs) while Eric is licking Marnie's pointed witch boots. Alcide is still an attractive kinda-useless pawn right now, but per his carrying shot Sookie off into the night and the above paragraph, I'm sure shit'll hit major fans in the remaining four weeks... especially if Marcus kicks it (probs will) and Alcy is chosen to take over the pack since he's "A List: New York" er "Alpha" material. Also, now that we have a name for the pack leader from the Johnny Depp/KeanuCaleb from PLL school of looking hell, (Marcus, which I thought was a black guy name btway) I can make puns with it like I did above in the title... oh, and Daddy Wolfbux... give it up, Sam's eating your Tuna now and your daughter likes him better, move on. Also, that kid who wants to go rogue (like Anna Paquin's characters in X-Men, get it?) isn't as hot as he should be. Marcus need to pee on the casting people for that as they can do so much better. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------TERRY/ARLENE + DEMON BEBEH, ANDY------
|
No comments:
Post a Comment