Is That A Thing? -- Huggie Death Match

Awwwl, Bear Hug.  Now DIE, BITCHES!

     Hold on tight, Kiddos cuz you're in for one helluva shambled ride.  After a recent viewing of the amazeballs ER season 15 box set, a little activity I didn't realize was a thing got brought into my life like a bad case of crabs... Unlike said crabs though, this thing which most definitely is a thing sadly, won't let go with a simple shampoo and topical cream, and so prepare for a little bit longer of a ramble this time as this thing clearly concerns my 8 chins and bacon wrapped heart.  Thus, like a Kardashian to a paycheck from a black dude with an attitude prollem, I'm not letting this go without a fight.  But enough (literally) trash talk, let's get into the deets of this elusive air-tight thing after the jump...
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is that a thing...?  SUFFOCATION ROULETTE:

Relax, Dude... It's cool.  My parents play this when Mom don't listen.

     In case the bus you drove in on was shorter than a baby dick and you don't have a single clue as to what Suffocation Roulette could be... let me get all serious and shit while I wrap the truth around you J-Lo Anaconda style.  Suffocation Roulette, also known as "The Choking Game" or "Fainting Game", refers to a game played (mostly by middle school bitches and high school dumbasses aged 6-19, yes, 6!) where said idiot/dumbass intentionally cuts off oxygen to the brain with the goal of inducing temporary syncopy (fainting) and euphoria.
     The r-tards who play this game of drones, usually achieve their Lindsay Lohan state of fuqedupness/oxygen deprivation through strangulation (self inflicted or with the help of another idiot) and/or self-induced hypocapnia (tingling, light-headedness or dizziness from too much CO2 in the blood) brought on by forced breathing followed by a breath-hold, and held in furthermore with a bear-hug from a dumbassisstant.
-----------------------------
    

This is the funky chicken, not killing your friendz.

     Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for idiots trying to kill themselves, especially if it's some kid whose body/muscles I'm jealous of... but come on, chillrenz.  What ever happened to a good old fashioned game of baseball?  I know I sound like an old man, but when I was a kid things were different.  Case in point, this shitshow of a game is also known as "Airplaining", "Funky Chicken" (insert choking the chicken joke here), and "Tingling Game"... in my day those meant "Laying on someone's feet while they lifted you up", "Dancing with your arms flapping like wings", and "A game that weirdo from church used to try and get me to play."
     Clearly I'm upset and confused with this like Paris Hilton when asked what a condom is... so I need to consult the almighty Wikipedia to give you some examples of why kids let this shit goes down like a gay ween in a vagina shop (my personal commentary is in UNDERLINED ITALICS.) 
               
      Kids "play" Suffocation Roulette to....

• Get released from class during the school day. (faking sick is easier, dodos)
• Peer pressure, a challenge or dare, a rite of passage into a social group or amusement over erratic behavior. (whatever happened to getting beat in?  Or sucking a dick?)
• Curiosity in experiencing an altered state of consciousness, the experience of a brownout (that isn't shit related believe it or not), or an imagined approximation to a near death experience. (I'm sure if your parents knew you were doing this shit, they'd provide you with a near death experience)
• A belief that it can induce a brief sense of euphoria (and rape can't?).
• The prospect of intoxication, albeit brief, at no financial cost. (except those medical bills when you turn into a vegetable that no one wants to stick up their ass)

-----------------------------

This makes me wanna kill myself, not some "game".

     Furthermore, and making me never want to have chillenz EVER, is the following tidbit... "One study by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found sufficient evidence to indicate that since 1995 at least 82 youths between the age of 6 and 19 have died in the United States as a result of the game (being roughly 1% of the deaths attributed to suicide by suffocation in the same age group)."
     Granted, kids freak me out (except the ones I wanna bone), but what bidness do 6-19 year olds have suffocating themselves to death on PURPOSE?  I don't know what's more concerning, that this is only 1%, or that the other 99% suffocated themselves knowingly wanting to die. 
-----------------------------

Adrian get'cho ass in hurr 'fore I choke you. (too soon?)

     Now I'm not trying to get preachy or lose my sense of ferocia wit in this post, this Blog is a place of talking shit, not a place of getting all political or "into the legit issues", but I just couldn't pass this shamtragedy up because if this shit's been going on since 1995, I'm clearly a bigger loser than I thought as I'm just hearing about this now (via an ER box set mind you).  Also, I was 10 in 1995, and the worst thing I did was jump rope with all the black girls instead of playing basketball with the other white boys who wished they were as cool as that one black kid, Jamal Whatzhisface... but I digress. 
     The point remains that Suffocation Roulette is a thing, and I really wish it wasn't... but at least now you know about it too if you didn't already.  Please-to just don't play it with your friends at a party... I'm all for you promoting my blog by saying you read about it there, but I'm not ready to handle more dead bodies on my conscience... a fatass can only take so many Manslaughter charges before his three strikes are up... just sayin'.