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| ...Needs a little less ho, and a LOT less mo. |
Oh man does I luz this new "Random Bless" feature. Nearly every day I peep something worth slash in need of some laying of these sausagey "bless you chyyyyld" hands of mine... but this edition, you don't need eyes to peep these needers of bless (see [no pun] blind joke caption inside for proof... too soon?) you only need your ears and half a clue. But what-to could I be blessing with all the power of the naturally occurring Vagisil that poureth through my veins? Click on that "read more" to find out, and help me bless deez chillens...
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RANDOM BLESS... Straight Dudes With Gay Voice
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| Hey Becks, you got some gay in your throat... and to ur right. |
Stray voice, or "Straight with a gay voice", is one of the most Bless things to come along since pleated flannel gauchos. I feel for these doodz who like vajeen, but just sound hungry for peen. It's like being a skinny bitch who loves pizza and satty fats, you're just a hot ass mess of conundrum who's ruining my life by simply existing, and that makes me want to friend you on Facebook or nom your nethers even more for being such a rare endangered species. I stroll up to your fine non-queeny ass in duh club lookin' to get muh flirt on, but all you care about is "the Superbowl" or how hot that chick at the bar with the huge tittays is... it's false advertising and I'm laying my hands of bless on you since I can't lay my ween of mess
in you (creepy shambles).
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| Guess what I'm sitting on... no really guess. Rhymes with "ooshbag" |
Notable examples are as follows: David Beckham (British not his fault), Adam Levine (douchebag totally his fault), Ryan Seacrest ("straight" part not confirmed, still need two forms of ID
against this one's gaycard holding status), and Kelsey Grammar (name + freaky drag sex fetish = more "ay" than "str"). You get the deal, and I know you know at least one of these dudes (so give me his number and ween size, pleasetokthanxbai).
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| Seacrest Out! Up high dude. I'm blind, you gaywad. |
Stray lisp is even more offensive... clearly you like dick in that yummy mouth of yours, but why-to are you ordering a beer and staring at my bestie's tits? Maybe there's just something in your eye that's making you look at me like you wanna beat my face in and leave me for dead cuz I'm sippin' on wine and makin' sex eyes your way... yeah that's it. No, it's not (sad truth Shambles). Contrary to the gayflexion evidence in your voice, your "sashay away" hip posture, and your choice of fag-hag friends, you are in fact NOT gay... so I'd better lay off. But like a Baconator mirage at the end of a long hallway after a rigorous ten second workout, I can't seem to believe that what I'm seeing before me isn't really what I think it is.
In the end (or the tip whatevs you prefer), I guess dem gays just have to accept yet another thing that makes us want to pull out our hair extensions and run for the nearest GaGa concert. Cuz no matter how many S's Bryce puts on the end of his wordssssss or how queeny he sounds talkin' about line-drives and tight-ends, he and we are NOT on the same page, and unless you're some genetically mutated manboy who can make babies and produce vaggie eggs, Bryce don't want nothin' to do with your nethers... but bless him and his kind for being afflicted with this voice/lisp and sticking to their poon nomming guns. We're here if you change your mind, B. TRUST!
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