Gchats U Wish... Whores, Legs & Baconhaterz

Story of my life slash too much shit talkin' Shambles.

     Been a while since we had a good Gchat U Wish U Wrote so I'll just cut to the chase and say that this time, series regular Kiki is back and we're talkin' more shit than a diarrhea butt-hole.  Topics I'm ashamed of include: my strange addiction (which even strangelier has nothing to do with food), Gym hotties and the legs they walk on, then finally we delve into my new best friends and the Shambles of limited supplies of maple syrup marinated bacon.  My mouth is sufficiently watering like hoochie thighs at an all-you-can-eat coochfest.  So jump on in here and read all about it...

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      So let's get to it.  I'm not proud of this first little bit, but whatevs, let's just whore it up and go for it...

U like?  Simmeh dem pix & I'll eat an entire chicken.

AG: Im a slut and a whore.but i just ate a cheeseburger and fries from the cafe in the basement so it's all irrelevant.Kiki:  NOM.  Wait, you're a slut and a whore?what'd you do bang someone on the way down there?

AG:  No, I wish.  My addiction to slutty online dating is back, and i just need to get rid of it for good again.  I'm looking online now.

 Kiki:  Don't do it, you're gonna get killed and i'm gonna have to deal with a bunch of shit with the police.  Oh wait maybe I'll meet some hot cop that way.  Feel free to murder victim it up.  J/k.

 AG: Who have i become?  Oh he's cute.

 Kiki:  Can you not?

 AG:  Thanks for the support, Bitchface.  I just get so addicted to seeing how stupid these idiots are, it's like, hey hot guy what do you look like naked? Oh there, you're sending me dick pix even though I asked how your day is going... awesome.. done and done.  On to the next one.Kiki:  Guys are weird.

  AG:  Hey, no harm... no herpes

until of course every once in a while i'm like, hey maybe.Kiki:  Please don't embellish on that.

AG:  Embellish reminds me of relish, which is gross but relish reminds me of hotdogs and those are good so I get hungry.  Man I'm such a Precious.Kiki:  Haha. AG:  Oh and sometimes i say really slutty stuff just to trick them in to thinking I'm interested.  It's all just a game to me, a really stupid game, like The Lying Game on ABC Family... usually after all that whore-lying they ask me to send dirty pics, and I realize how gross I feel for even bothering to pretend to be a whore in the first place.  Then I feel guilty for leading them on and google search "boner" then send them one of those results pictures and make 'em think it's me.

cuz i ain't got no pics like that, that's gross

  slash much like the Glee Project on Oxygen, no one wants to see that.Kiki:  Words cannot describe how ridiculous that paragraph was.  

AG:  I know, it's all lonely/just want someone hot to talk to me Shambles.  side note, the most viewed blog post by like 20 views is the one i wrote about liking retarded guys, i think i've started a movement.

	3 minutes

No needa shout, Gym Reet.  I like UR abs but I jux wanna C UR legz.

Kiki:  Haha.  Probably cuz weirdos are searching "retarded guys" AG:  Probably.  I can't help who i think is hot though.  I saw one last night at the gym (you know that place I hate), he was tall, cute, so fine, not really retarded but kinda slow looking.  There was also this pedo watching some kids play basketball... it made me wish I was still 14... but turns out he was one of the kids' Dad.  (even hotter).  Why am I such a weirdo?

 Kiki: Too much bacon.  But for realz, the gym is a great place to meat and greet, or so I've heard since I don't go to them for fear of scaring off the children that pedo is looking at. 

 AG: Meat and greet, tee hee.  Freudian slip.

I like the gym for one reason.  It's cuz since i'm a weird leg guy i get to see hot dude legs in gym shorts.  It's like innocent porn, nice legs are better than nice abs in my book

Kiki: you are a leg guy

  i dont get it

i'm like, a height/shoulders girl

AG: i like shoulders too, but there's something taboo or like "look that Amish chick is showing her ankles" about legs, i mean i dont rub on them or anything like a werido foot person, but i just think it's like, ooh you're showing your legs instead of being in jeans or dress pants that makes it all so escandalo

6 minutes

 

True.  But ain't no bacon?  Worst Assistant ever!

AG: AWESOME ALERT!  Just met (assistant to an important TV person), he's so cute. Kiki: oh snap city

  how did that happen?

AG: They're on the floor above us, he was looking for Aspririn, our door was open and i'm right in front of the door, i should have gave him roofies.

 Kiki:  Oh my god they're on the floor above you?!

  the writers? their offices?

  holy fuqing shitballs!!

  get in good with them!!!!!!!

AG:  Yeah, and he's the showrunners' asst, i was talking to him about how pissed people are about his boss and he's like, well i know, there are some mean things out there.  And i was like... For real, people just need to chill. And he laughed and i got a boner (last part about the boner is a lie)

or is it?

  it is

 Kiki: hahaha

  you never know

  maybe he did on his way back up...stairs

  zing

  

AG: Lame.

Kiki:  PS, my friend had a copy of The Secret Circle that he brought over

  its fuqing amazeballs

 AG: oh, you mean The Craft?

 Kiki: pretty much.  i seriously want to work for Kevin Williamson so hard

  

  this is my new secondary obsession to vampire diaries and PLL

  well- PLL is just a joke. i'm legit into the VD

 AG: I bet you are, you slut.  I love Kevin Willz, he inspired me to wanna write

and i follow him on Twitter so we're basically like legit besties cuz I know all about his Dad fighting a snake after Hurricane Irene.

Kiki: I want to create a show for him to make

so we can work togehter foreverz. And we can film it in Wilmington so i can be bicoastal

 AG:  yeah that'll def happen, our showrunner knows him sorta, she worked on Dawson's Creek like 2 seconds before he left itKiki: ugh this is so depressing.  New depressing topic.  I love my new job, but there are some select individuals getting on my fat side (you know who) that I want to kill and eat.  Or at least I want "them" to get fired.

 

 AG: I can def understand based on what you've told me about "them".  But just think ABOUT THE BACON!

 Kiki: hahaha

  THEY DONT HAVE IT EVERYDAY

WHICH I REALIZED AND AM NOW UPSET ABOUT

  but they have it every couple of days

 AG: oh, you need to quit then, haha

 

 Kiki:  Ha.  Today was Shambles though bc i went to stage and had to do some stuff and then rounded back around to crafty and they had just cleared breakfast away.

  

AG: mothufuqin SHAMZ thats the worst!Kiki:  At least I get to go home to the East Coast for a bit. 

  

 

 AG: True.  Enjoy the hurricanes

 Kiki: and the earthquakes

  fml

AG: yeah, Virignia of all places, that just proves my theory that LA sold it's soul to the Devil to keep itself from falling into the hellmouth it's destined to fall into

 Kiki: Preach.