Gays Do It Better - Cool Runnings

Step 2: Cut that Bebeh dick.  Got it.

     Holy rimjobs, Gaywads and Lezboinz!  It's already time for another edition of GDIB, and instead of pussyfooting around or jerkin' your merkin with a long drawn out intro, let me just cut to the chase like foreskin at a Bris and say that if you're cool, and I'm not moving too fast for you, then you need to jump on in here and check this shit out fruit de suite...
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Gays Do It Better... COOL FACE

O-Kuurrr!  Bitch get off meh wit'cho lez tongue face!

     For those of you not in the know, Cool Face isn't something you really learn, it just kinda naturally happens unless you're just not cool.  Some call it bitch-face, some call it "whatchu' lookin' at me fuh" face, and others refer to it as "stank face", but no matter what you call it, Gays are still better than Straights and doing it (photo evidence above, okurr).
     If you need a crash course in all things cool face, I suppose I can stop making mine and try to teach you the ways.  Basically, you raise one eyebrow Planters Nuts guy style, pout and purse your lips out like a cat butt turned sideways, then close your eyes just enough to make it seem like you wanna choke a bitch, but really you're just trying to get a better look at what you're judging.  It's generally helpful as well for you to look to the side at something that isn't there to add more coolness to said face.

Exception to the rule: Maria Shriver... wurk it, u scorned bitch!

     Now, if you're still confused even with the pictures above and the description I've given, that's okay, you can't help it.  You're just not cool enough for cool face, or not gay enough to judge people while also checking them out cuz you wanna bone them.  But don't cry for me Argentina... er whatever, I'm more than willing to help you in person to improve your cool face, but you just have to be open to my alternative teaching style, and you also have to be okay with having a ween in your mouth slash all over your face, cuz how else are you gonna master the cock-eyed look that comes with a really good cool face?

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Gays Do It Better... MOVE TOO FAST IN A RELATIONSHIP

Hey Gurl Hey, He Proposed!  What was ur name again?

     I don't know how many times Skittles has told me "you gays move too fast", and she's right.  In Gayopolis, 1 date is enough for sex, 2 is enough for a "we're officially dating this is my boofrien", and 3 dates equals moving in together.  If you make it to 5 dates you might as well move to Iowa or NY (yay!) and get married cuz like me at the buffet, 5 trips back is some serious commitment.
     I have a theory thought about why gays move so fast, it be cuz we don't really have a grasp on the whole dating thing.  When you're younger and Straight, you can date little Molly down the street or bang that chick at prom slash everything not nailed down.  When you're a Straight dude you might be a jerk and a pig, but that's only because you don't really care about the women you're banging, only your ween parts getting some inside time with said chix vagina.  So when you grow up, you're still a pig probs, but that's only because you don't understand women, but you've dated your fair share to know it takes time to build a relationship that you probz don't want NTwayz. 

I got 69 on Lady Gaga on the far right!

     When you're gay, however you want the romance, you want that boo that luz you, and you get women but don't want to get with them, so you want what they want in a relationship, but you don't have all the whorebag experience as your Straight counterparts because of the "stigma" still around in most parts that being gay is wrong.  Plus there was probably like only one other out gay kid in your school and he was usually the gross "looks-like-he's-got-AIDS" type slash was so closeted he didn't want you near him for fear of anything thinking "he's a faygit".  So when it comes time to date and commit, gays want that special romance they didn't get when they were younger, so they sometimes try and force something rape-style instead of letting it grow naturally like herps on a ween.
     In shammation, Gays run for the finish line in relationships right out of the gate like a premature ejaculator because they want to catch up for missed time... but Straight's take their time like the turtle in that story cuz they don't wanna commit, cuz doing so means kids and naggy bitches and cover dishes and all the shit that comes with marriage of any kind (Gay or Straight), and to them they just wanna bone that hot chick to prove to themselves they haven't gotten old and gross (mass generalization Shambles). 
     So don't be jelly, Straighties, we Gays are just better at moving too fast in a relationship all while lookin' at'chu like we can't stand you, even though we want to stand our weens in you (or vice versa).  Maybe one days G's and S's will learn to be on the same playing field, but I doubt it... cuz no matter how hard you S's try, us G's iz just better than you at so many thayngz.