Gays Do It Better: Apathetic Stability

Care to cumment?  Cum what?  Me too, Gurl, trust.  Huh?

     Hey gayz and lezboynz, back in the habit Sister Act 2 style with another "Gays Do It Better".  Bringing you two fresh scrotes of knowledge that'll knock your straight guy knee high sox off like a finger in the ass during a BJ.  This entry is all about "nots", as in "I'm NOT eating that without bacon" or "You are NOT being fair, Noel Kahn for refusing to let me finish".  But let me STFU because you're NOT here for me (see what I did there?), you're here for the good gay shit.  So click on to see what Straights iz NOT as good as Gays at...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gays Do It Better... NOT GIVE A SHIT

Please-to cancel my subscription cuz I am so over your issues, bitch!

     Unlike straight guys who pretend to care when you're on your period or act like they care about what's going on in your life... Gays are more concerned with Gaga's new single or Snookie's new cooch-ring to care about you and your issues.
     Who cares if your boo is cheating on you, he's fine as hell so get that dick as long as you can before he leaves you for that other bitch.  It's not my problem that you haven't had a period in 5 months, and honestly to assume I care about what your stankin' ass kid did today is just offensive as it shows you don't really know me.  Gays are too busy being fabulous and making you hate your life to give two shits and a fuq about your prollems, and the sooner you learn that the better everyone's gonna be.

So ur Dad murdered ur kids & ate them?  That sux... Am I going bald?

     You think I look better in the other hat?  Don't give a shit cuz I still look ten times better than you'll ever look.  Worried about that herpee growing on my bottom lip?  Sashay, away with all that worry, gurl I got bigger dix to fry.  The only thing that really matters to a gay is what you look like naked or how big your boyfriends' dick is and if he's ever been with a guy.  Other than that?  Gays don't give a shit.
     So lissy up, Hobags... the nest time Boneqeefuhtavia and Queeshalicorice start going on and on about some shit that doesn't have to do with weens or food, lift up your well plastic surgery tucked gizzard chin and say (with more pride than a rainbow flag getting ass raped by a leather daddy), "Gurl, honestly... I want your problems in my life like I want a gushy cooch in my face... AKA DO. NOT. WANT!" and she'll catch your gyst like an STD at some MTV Spring Break Jam.  TRUST!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gays Do It Better... NOT GET DIVORCED

Valid point, Todd... but close your mouth this isain't the gay bar.

     This one's simple... gays can't get married most places, so they can't get divorced most places either.  Statistically Gays have a better stay-together average that married Straights because statistically no one is looking at their breakup rate to determine something comparable to divorce rates.
     If you're confused by what I just said, not only are you a moron but let me clear it up like last month's crabs.  If you can't eat cheese for fear of shitting yourself, you're gonna test way LOWER than a cheese-eater on a "how much cheese do you eat" test.  If you're not allowed to rape babies, then the rate of baby-rape is gonna be less where you're from than somewhere (like the town of Rosewood where PLL takes place) where raping babies is not only allowed, but encouraged once the town's main rapist stops teaching your English class... But I digress.

Screw Dan!  This'll do 'til we get back together... it's bigger NTwayz.

     This doesn't suggest that gays don't break up like straight people, and it doesn't suggest that those gays who are married slash in a long term relationship don't break up divorce style... but like most things in normal society, gays know how to turn some frowns upside-down, then stick their faboosh dix in it to make it cooler.  Case in point?  Only a gay would throw an amazeballs breakup party and invite their ex to the festivities thus resulting in a drunken night of breakup smushing that makes them get back together with the same boo said party was initially celebrating their breakup from.  

     Yeah, ok that last one was a mouthful (tee hee).  All I'm saying is when Gays break up it's full of more drama and ridiculous results than a Telenovela on some Mexi-Channel; but that's part of the fun.  With Straights however, breakups are like a sitcom on TV Land: pretty shitty and not that fun, but you can't help but watch as it pans out in front of you train wreck style.  Or maybe I'm just rambling now.  It's been a long week.  Either way, I'm not getting divorced anytime soon, and I'm sure as hell not interested in hearing about yours.