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| Sweet pink robe, Zombie Jessica. Thx, bitch. SUNLIGHT! |
Lotta zombie talk this week on TB, guess they're trying to less-than-subtley get it into our head-parts that next year is the zombie and ghost season... I could be on board with that as long as they don't keep mind-raping the idea into our heads every five seconds like a shitty car dealership commercial repeats their jingle. But enough about what might be next season, we got some this season to deal with after the jump. Oh, and BTDubbs, this week I'm trying to condense things, so I'm pairing up characters as much as possible since there's so many of them. That in mind, get out your demon dolls and sniff out that Sookie Cooch to discuss this week's eppy, which I must say was rather intense at it's nether parts before the credits...
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| That's right, Bitch... Respect. Now open dem chips, I's hawngry. |
Previously on "Invasion of the Marnie Snatchers", Olivier from Six Feet Under is Selma Hayek Witch's bitch (AKA Antonia), and if you're super useless on the show, you're easier to kill than bad breath with a gallon of Altoids. Marnie is amazing, and we're hoping more useless is to die soon. Now on to the episode.
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------BEEL/JESSICA, JASON/HOYT, ERIC/SNOOKIE, ALCIDE/DEBBIE------
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| Portia go away! Not until you get some dental work, Beel. |
As for Jess, bitch is lookin' hot chic as usual. Can't really complain about her too much, she's already working so hard to make Bill less boring/useless. Here's to hoping her side pony ferocia's past can undo the snooze spell Bill's been under for about, oh I don't know, ever. But I feel Jess' pain when Bill was laying the silver on her, every time he comes on screen I scream in agony too.
SIDE NOTE: That ending was so intense, my bacon wrapped heart is still pounding in concern for our fave ginger Vamp... But something tells me she'll be fine, if not, holy shit go TB writers for being bold, also if not... prepare for some strongly worded letters, Mr Ball.
JASON & BIEBER HOYT: Hoyt is always the voice of reason, he seems to be the only one effected by the fact that Jason was raped. Meanwhile Jason seems more upset about his side effect Jessica sex dreams than he is about that whole Hot Shot Methfaced McTittay bitch and her kind trying to eat his innards like third-pre-lunch-mid-morning snack. But back to Hoyt, he's rockin' his little Blue Bieber hoodie... I didn't realize they had American Apparel in Bon Temps. Oh and Jayce, please-to make an extra 16 Sloppy Joe's for me, I want in on this late night bro sesh you and Hoyt are having. Clothing optional of course.
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| Hey, S2 Eric, Richard Greco called. He want his everything back. |
ALCIDE & DEBBIE: Pretty sure the only Sookie related thing Alcide smells in those woods is cooch juice, but he follows the scent of salmon patties ntwayz. Like Debbie's roots, this won't
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------LAFAYETTE/JESUS, TARA/LEZZY MCGUIRE, LADY MUMBZ, FEROCIA------
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| Hookuh back up wit'cho Bruho ass. I'm trynna smolder her okuur? |
LAFAYETTE & BORESUS: Apparently Lafayette is Patricia Arquette. His Medium ass is more like extra large (Idiot) for staying in the worst Taco Bell to come along since the one off Sunset that always runs out of mild sauce... but at least there you're not stuck with some boring guy named Jesus... or are you? (suggestive racism Shambles). Can we just kill Jesus and Laf's shitty hair already so he can go back to being awesome again? Pleasetokthanxbai.
TARA & SUZIE ORMAN: Toni better thank her randomly-a-lezbo stars for fat bitches. Cuz were it not for the heifer patrol, Ferocia woulda ripped her a new pussy-hole. Gotta say though, an open top Jeep isn't the best place to chill slash drive away in if you're worried about a vampire attack... nor is a drunken stroll on the side of the road, Tara. Bitch clearly has a death wish, and I'm still scared she may get said wish by season's end.
Howevz, with T-Money all feelin' up on Lady Mumbz' tittays to get a sense of that pain, maybe she's on the winning team. Sources point to "no" though since she's all rogue and "fuq urrybody". I feel like at this point there's no coming back from evil or death after this. We're praying for you though, fish-juice lips, and we know lezbo lover is probs gonna come back into town at the wrong time and you'll end up killing her or something. But let's hope not so we can be free of that useless too for good.
Howevz, with T-Money all feelin' up on Lady Mumbz' tittays to get a sense of that pain, maybe she's on the winning team. Sources point to "no" though since she's all rogue and "fuq urrybody". I feel like at this point there's no coming back from evil or death after this. We're praying for you though, fish-juice lips, and we know lezbo lover is probs gonna come back into town at the wrong time and you'll end up killing her or something. But let's hope not so we can be free of that useless too for good.
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| Talk to the hand, Wicca. Lady Mumbz don't play dat. |
MARNTONIA: Love it love it love it. Bitch is crazy, out to kick some ass, and really workin' the hell outta this possession thing now that Selma Hayek Bitch Antonia's taken over her bodice like me taking over a free sample booth at Costco. Can't wait to see how truly apeshit things get from here on out, but I'm hoping there's some actual payoff and we lose some legit life from Lady Mumbleaid's plan of possession... cuz if not that's lame (SIDE NOTE: unless I see burning flames of death, I don't believe you're dead, esp not if you've been around a while and your name is Jessica, just sayin'). I trust ye Alan Ball and friends, please-to per usual don't let us down or there will be more strongly worded letters coming to "Your Face Goes Here Entertainment", and not the usual ones from me begging to work on the show.
FACE-ROCIA PAM: Love that bitch got a full body peel, love even more that Tangina from Poltergeist doctor lady was back to do it. Throw in Ginger, the screaming syringe happy bartendress and I smell a spin-off known as "Nan's Devils"... it's got a ring to it, and I guarantee it'll stay on the air longer than that new ABC Charlie's Angels... TRUST!
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------SAM/TOMMY/TLUNA, MAXINE------
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| Shit! What? I left my Arby's coupon in Dad's pocket. FML |
SAM & TOMMY (with a side of Tuna): Honestly, the only thought I had about these three this week was, "If Tommy turns into Sam and then has sex with Sam, is that hot or against the laws of nature?" That pretty much sums up my thoughts on that, and them this week. Also I still can't stand Luna, so yay consistency!
MAXINE: Bitch only got like one second this week, but oh was it a good one. Even when her neighbor is facing the true death, bitch is still a sass machine in her bucket hat and flowerdy print hideo fashions. Love you, Maxine... love you.
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------TERRY/ARLENE + DEMON BEBEH, HOLLY/ANDY------
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| Why is this thing leaking fire & brimstone? Just SIDS, Sook. NBD. |
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| So that's why it's called a rim job. Got it. Thnx Jayce. Feels good. |
HOLLY & ANDY: Andy needs to get his V sippin' shit in check, cuz he and Holly are adorbo together. In Holly news, love how she got all "fuq it whatevs" with Tara about gettin' her witch on. Still not believing bitch has two kids since we haven't seen them, but there's no more room for irrelevancy this season anyways. Stay strong, Holly... preez don't die, we love your old face even more than when it was on ER that one time.
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NOT PICTURED THIS WEEK, THANK GOD - Crystal Meth (see you in 3 eps probs), Portia (seriously, why is she even around?), Godrick (referenced though, gag).
NOT PICTURED THIS WEEK, HOW DARE YOU - Nan, Terry, Kenya, Lettie Mae, Maryanne (we can dream).
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| Irrelevant Angels: 1.5 down, 1.5 to go |
NOT PICTURED THIS WEEK, HOW DARE YOU - Nan, Terry, Kenya, Lettie Mae, Maryanne (we can dream).
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| Thank God, let's drink. I'll let you stick it in my ass. |
Like a box of dozen Krispy Kremes you're barreling through at light speed, can you believe that we're already seven episodes down, with only five to go? Time flies when you're having fun slash in Fairyville. In all honesty, this shit's getting crazy town like a Kardashian at a black guy festival wearing an "all you can ride" wrist band.
If shit's this four loco ullretty, I can't wait to see what's in store for the final 5 eppys this season, and to see how far that curse spread considering it seems only the main vamps and Beulah who lives next to Maxine and her dropped plot-line of an oil-harvesting-house were effected. Guess we'll find out soon enough all those answers though, won't we? Is it next Sunday yet? Later Were-bangers!
If shit's this four loco ullretty, I can't wait to see what's in store for the final 5 eppys this season, and to see how far that curse spread considering it seems only the main vamps and Beulah who lives next to Maxine and her dropped plot-line of an oil-harvesting-house were effected. Guess we'll find out soon enough all those answers though, won't we? Is it next Sunday yet? Later Were-bangers!
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