The Bitch List: Useless Dino Tormentors

Dammit, Wendy... Ah said QUADRUPLE BACON!

     If I had a dollar for every time someone's already pissed me off this week, I'd be living in the Hogwarts Castle drinking unborn leopard juice from a diamond encrusted goblet of fire (yes I'm aware it's only Monday).  But alas I can only single out the top three things worthy of my bitchery thus far.  So before my bitch-boner wears off, why don't we just get to it after the jump...?
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3 - Traffic For No Reason:

If there ain't no dead body up ahead, there's 'boutta be one now!

     I'm sure you all can relate.  You're driving down the road in your Jetta, and before you know it all movement stops.  You're in this shithole line of car death, thinking there must be a good reason for it... but alas an hour later when you get to the source of said road Shambles, nary a crash, dead body, or crazy person in the street to justify it.
     Why does this anomaly of road Shambles happen?  Prolly cuz people are idiots and don't know how to drive.  Doesn't matter if it's a severed head or a bag of trash, if it's on the side of the road some moron is gonna slow down to get a good look at it like it's kiddie porn and they can't turn away.  One idiot leads to the next and before you know it there's a line of angry people in cars like it's the line for the bathroom at some frat house party you only went to cuz that dude in your English class is gonna be there too.
     The final Shambles come when you realize after all that bullshit, once you reach the end of the traffic for no reason, that you too became a part of this evil as you're looking around wondering what all of this drama could be about.  So as you press on the gas and drive off wondering how people could be so stupid, take a look in the mirror and try not to gag from your face slash guilt in adding to this disaster-worthy-of-my-bitchery that is, traffic for no reason.
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2 - Receptiraptor:

Can I fuqing help you?

     Every day for work I'm blessed with driving to the network to pick up ish for the show I work on, it's a nice little drive and an all around pleasant experience... sans one prehistoric thing: The receptionist at said network.  Now I'm sure this woman (who shall remain nameless) is a perfectly lovely person, but that don't mean she's not getting a shoutout on this here Bitch List.  This bitchceratops clearly hates her life, and I hate it for her, but that's not MY prollem... so crack a smile you T-rex faced hobag.  You're supposed to be the face of the company or whatever, so if that's the company's face I suggest they get their ass on The Swan or at least the receiving end of some kinda Top Model Tyra makeover.

     This ReceptHOsauras, bless her heart, has clearly been in this job for years, and may or may not be sick of answering phones and validating parking, etc... but again; not my prollem.  As I said before I'm literally picking up stuff for the writers every day, have been for the last 3 or so weeks, yet Receptor-Toothed Tiger clearly doesn't remember me (hard to forget a 500 pound black chick with white skin who's male, just sayin') as without fail she asks why I'm there and who I am.  It was cute at first, now it's borderline Alzheimer's and really starting to piss me off as she mockingly eats chips in my face and talks on the pone to her girl Kilolo instead of handing me the goods that I came for with those faggy T-Rex arms of hers.
     Also, Stegaceptionist honestly doesn't seem to give a shit that she's useless.  That's a bitch harsh I know, and I'm taking a small amount of creative bitchiness control of her sitch, but it's still rather tragic.  So if you're reading this Pteradactionist, please-to pick that scaly face up and slap on a smile, or you may find yourself going the way of your dino ancestors and join the list of extinct species... cuz this Dodo bird is starting to get offended.

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1 - Snorers:

Fret-not, Pillow Bitch.  I'll put something in that Taylor Lautner mouth of his to shut him up

     Attention all Shamblers and Shamblette's, there's a new supervillain in my building who may or may not have destroyed slash eaten the suddenly gone Night Showerer in a knock-down, drag-out fight of who can piss me off the most.  His name is Night Snorer, and he needs to be destroyed Al Qaeda slash pleated shorts style.
     Lissy up, bitch... if I can hear you snore through two layers of cement walls from one floor down, you either need to lose about 600 pounds or bury your face in my cooch so I can at least enjoy your transgressions of nasal Shambles.  Those are your only options, and judging from the looks of those I've seen in my building, I'm going with losing the weight cuz I live with a bunch of uggos (Landlord clearly doesn't watch Melrose Place, cuz I need some hotties I can bang/kill/betray in this building stat!).
     In the end, there's nothing I hate more than a snorer, they should all be destroyed or at least shown the blesses of a Breathe Right Strip or ten.  And if his blubbery ass keeps me up one more night, I may have to pull a Dahmer and show him the inside of my freezer (too soon?), cuz when I don't get my sleep, children and other innocent things die, and really I don't need anything else added to my record... there's already that B&E on there (Baking & Eating felony), and I'm never satisfied with my headshot NTWayz.  So please-to fix your shit or choke on your own throat while asleep, Night Sleeper... it'll save us all the sure to follow bloodshed I'll inflict if you don't put the kibosh on your sleep Shamble bringing ways.