Nerd Alert! End of Year Shamgestions

I'd steal your crazy too, but I'm good in that department.

     Happy Hol-i-gayz, Lil' Baconators.  All Some of you may know that every year, my dear Shamblette friend, LaCray LeMansh puts out a list of the top albums, movies, TV, and books for the year on Facebook in a note called "the best-of list".  Well he's lame, because clearly he hasn't realized Facebook Notes are sooo 200late.  But, seeing as how I agree with his picks (because he likes everything I do since he wants to be me [minus 500 pounds]), I'm posting his list here on the Shamblette's as a sort of end-of-year Nerd Alert post with his Shamgestions for the top recommendations in the world of entergaynment.  

     I'm not proud of my theft, but neither were Lindsay Lohan and Winona Ryder.  But, unlike them, I won't turn into a lesbian or play a washed up has-been in Black Swan, instead I'll hold my chins up high and say that what follows after the jump are LaCray's top picks of 2011, and I whole-baconwrapped-heartedly agree with them.  Let me know in the comments if you do too...

Gays Do It Better: Court Is Now In Fashionz

Close ya mouf, Clinton! I said juicy couture, not Di'ju C Cock, Whore?

     What's up, fellow Gays and Straights?  If you answered "my ween" then I object and you really need to get out more.  But if you answered, "not shit", then I sustain, overrule, and say pass the chips and call me later cuz we have lots in common.  But I digress with thoughts of satty fats.  

     This edition of Gays Do It Better is a bit of a given, but don't hold me in contempt of court for speaking my mind.  Just click on in here and read about how it's in every Gay's constitution to speak their mind when their straight counterparts axe, "Hey Gurl hey, how does I look in this outfits?"...

The Bitch List: Shhh... I'm Droppin' D's Hurr

It's called the Men's Room for a reason, Poo-lette!

     Cross those legs and hide that toilet paper on your shoe, Adrian Grenadine is here as always to add another name to the (like Kim Kardashian's cooch) ever widening scroll of paper known as "The Bitch List".  Tis' the holiday season, so like Santa I've made this list, checked it twice, and still can't scratch this edition's offender off the naughty side.  But why, you axe?  Well you'll just have to read on to find out.  But here's a clue, the ones being christened on my Bitch List this time are taking things they shouldn't in a place they're not allowed, and frankly, what they're doing is pretty shitty.  And it's my duty (tee hee) to put them back in their place...

Shambletta Stone: Terms to Know - 2

Happy Ho-lidays, from the Jersey Shore Bebehs!

    Moist Monday to you, HoHoHobags.  Tis' almost the season for prezzies under the tree, unleavened bread beneath the Ikea table, and dashiki head-dresses or whatever you wear for Kwanza.  So since I'm in the giving mood, instead of herpes carrying crabs, I'm gonna give you Lil' Baconators a treat this December Monday... in the form of another edition of the Shambletta Stone to help define those terms I use that, like the word toothbrush, you in the deep south and parts of Florida/California may not understand.  So click on in here for a short little post that keeps on giving knowledge like blistering sores once or twice a year... but don't forget your ointment...

Nerd Alert! Pushing Out More Treasures

It only hurts for laik 7 seconds, then it starts feelin' goodz!

     Like a twist ending to an M. Night Shyamalan porn, I've realized that I haven't put out a Nerd Alert post since August.  Also like that M. Night porn, I've attempted to make you forget about my muff-up by pretending like my lapse in judgement (Lady in the Water, The Happening, everything he made after Signs) never happened, by bringing you fresh nerdy content to wipe away those former missteps like boogers on a computer screen.
     So pop on in here drunk-uncle-you-have-to-share-a-bed-with-at-X-mas style, and please-to prepare to discover some things in the food groups of Books and TV that, like that baby you ate years ago and haven't seen since, you may not have known were waiting to come out and make your life more interesting...

Gchats U Wish... Vulgur Jelly & Incest Herpes

Don't go there, Gurrfren!  That shit ids nastee.

    Oh boy, oh boi, oh buoy, if you're easily offended, please-to DO NOT read on past the jump.  Because me and Shamblina are at it full NSFW style, and like a 400 item buffet, nothing is off limits from our carnal desires.  I stumbled upon this treasure of a Gchat in the archives of awesome known as my inbox, and I couldn't stop marveling at how ridiculous we got talking more shit than a backed up gas station toilet after an all you can nom crab-meat festival.  So grab your sibling, send the kiddies to bed, and click on that "keep reading" shiz to revel in how much more offensive interesting my online chat-sessions are than yours...

Holy Hot Messes! - Insane Doggy Style

Tupper-where the hell U been, Adrian Grenadine?

      Like your period last month, did y'all Lil' Baconators miss me?  I've been off in the land of employment trying to be skinny and become no longer single, but like that orgy with Sam Jaeger and Noel Kahn from PLL, it's just not happening.  So while I was in re-flab, trying not to eat anyone and everything that came into the fatcinity of my cake hole, I just missed my loyal follower(s) too murch, and thus I'm back full time to bring in the holiday season with a big rape-bang.  

     But enough being all sappy and nice, it's time to get to the shit talkin' all 3 of you come here for as I break down someone who, much like a dick in an oven, is truly a hot mess.  In an attempt to streamline content and make more frequent posts, I'm pulling a Briss and cutting the posts down for your (and future lovers') enjoyment, thus there's only a Hot Mess Person this time, and not a Place or Thing.  But like that post-Briss ween, they will come eventually.  So read on to see who gets my hot mess approval this time around, but I warn you, she ain't pretty...

SILOHBS: Dick Sniff Lookers

Daym, Gurr put that thing away, it staynk.  What thing?

     Hope you've got your perfume out, cuz this edition of "Stuff I Like Or Hate But Shouldn't" will leave a few of you scratching your heads, and others of you scratching your cooch with wonderment because the people I'm focusing on here are a true conundrum.  These folks (almost always white), are People Who Look Like They Smell Like Day Old Penis.  I know, it's strange, but so are these folks.  Don't worry, I'll provide examples of what I mean after the jump... but first, do I love or hate these DSL's (dick sniff lookers not dick sucking lips Shambles)?  Well, to be honest I...

Top Model Redux: Back-words In Rhyme

Damn, Tyrasauraus Rex, U giving me NOTHING with dem arms.

    Top of the Model to you, Bitches.  After my month-atus from the Shamblette's, we've lost even more skinny bitches to the panel of elimination death, headed by Queen Hobag herself and also Tyra Banks (ZING! Shambles).  My lame Andre Leon Talley diss outta the way, let's pretend like we aren't trying to turn back time like prehistoric skankwads by pretending that we aren't down like 5 twig-bitches since last time I posted on this "show", move on from my gap in reduxin', and get back to the shit talkin' and skinny bitch judging after the jump... 

Is It In Yet? - Feeding The Problem

The margo glass is her b-hole, the skraws her pubes, guess what the Corona is?

     Like your period after that late night trip to the back-alley behind pizza hut next to that frat house, I took some time off (a month to be exact), but like that rash on your cooch after that early morning trip to the front of that herpes dick; I may go away, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna come back when you least expect it.  So face it, Lil' Baconators, there's no getting rid of me forever.  

     Those lovely sentiments aside, allow me to get back to bidness and bring you a brand new spankin' Is It In Yet? post to start off the relaunch of the Shamblette's.  But be warned, my month off has only made me more shambled, so if you're ready to read, I'm ready to feed... your eye parts with hilarity...

Searches That Brung U To Me - 3

Manfaceuhraptor alert!

     Get out that ointment, Ho-asaurauses... cuz it is-be time for another round of searches that led you to my lovely little blog.  Per usual, you people are weirdos, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  So take the jump and see just what it is that (my commentary in parentheses) you pervs at home are searching for during your God-Knows-What private time and, instead of finding Deena from Jersey Shore's poosay, you're getting a little bitta Shamblette's...

Project Runway Redux - Fatty Menz... Wear?

HK issa microphone, notta icecream cone. (hawngry bitch Shambles)

     Last night's episode was CLEARLY brought to you by Garnier, and fake accented Asian snobs who don't like fat people or anything other than a boring color palette (wonder who I'm talking about Shambles).  We're down to 8 Hobags, Lil' Baconators... so the competish is getting tighter than a two year old.  Once again we've got a group challenge, but with emphases on the Indo (as in vidual) designers.  But enough gabbin', let's get to all the juicy inner thigh deets from this week.

     As always though, be warned... there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you took a dump in your friends' purse and called it a "doggy bag" (why didn't you catch the bag on fire and ring the doorbell Shambles)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that Redux...

Top Model Redux: Hot Dogs & Hoe-nuts

Bangs = Hideo.  Snax = Yumbo.  Can't stand = You

     Howdy hotdogs and slutnuggets, you skinny bitches.  Top Model was back and even thought there was crying and threats of leaving the show a plenty (is this record skipping Shambles?) it also had me sleeping and sweating all at the same time.  But enough about the cliche' bullshit that's around every season, this episode the Rexolimic modeltestants actually ate food and let someone take pictures of them eating said food for evidence.  But before your cooch explodes with confusion, let's get to the Reduxin now or someone might decide to keep them hotweenz down... 

AngryBitter & Jelly: I Ain't You Edition

Stop tryin', bitch (literally).  Yoo ain't never gonna be oneuh us.

     Word up, Hobags.  Who missed me? (Crickets) that's what I thought.  But whether you like it or not, I'm back after a few week's of feeding and ready to get muh AngryBitter & Jelly sammich on.  This time I'm talking 'bout shits that I am not a part of and (sadly) probably never will be.  So pull those fat rolls up, tuck those quadruple chins back, and keep on reading after the jump to see just what's making me angry, bitter, and jelly this time around...

Holy Hot Messes: Nompooing Drive Sticks

Daaamn, Chelsea Clinton.  Yoo iz skruggalin.

     Ugly bitches and Stank ass hoes, it's been a hot mess minute since we've delved into some holy hot messes... but all the wait was worth it cuz the flaming pile of mess I'm presenting here to you like a cat butt in your face-parts is gonna get those jelly parts jammin' in hopes that the air conditioning finally kicks in and cools off the hotness coming off these shitz known as this edition's person, place, and thing of Holy Hot Messes.  So throw back that holy water like it's buttery nipplez and please-to keep all arms and humps inside the car at all times, cuz I am NOT responsible for any articles lost or shambled during this ride...

Project Runway Redux - Manboobs By Gayz

The Verdict is in: Those 90's mom Jeans are atrosh, Mikey Kors.

      Lotta' talk about tittays this week, and no one seemed to appreciate it.  But like sports in a gay bar, the sound of crickets will overrun the boob talk so I'm not gonna pussyfoot around with the lane ass zingers... instead I'll jump right into the Redux that (like Joshua's megabrows) only two people care about.

     As always though, be warned... there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to tie a sugardick to your face and call it sweet tea bagging (this bitch has lost his mind Shambles)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that Refux...

Top Model Redux: Eunita Cheeseburger

Crazy bitch alert!  Yoo gonna finish that?

     Hey sluts and skinny bitches, master Grenadine is here with a new set of recaps just for you and your fat relatives.  That's right, Lil' Baconators, Top Model is back and that means more crazy bitches, more people who need a bite to eat (Eunita Cheeseburger, get it?), and more drama than a gay bar with a NO LADY GAGA policy (Gay Hatesplosion Shambles).  So stick those fingers down your throat, pull out your best smize for the camz, and let's get to the Reduxin before someone decides to keep their food down...

Is It In Yet? - Literally Dropping Pounds

Why is that plate still on the table, U fuqin' idiot?!  Ooh pasta!

     You may have noticed I've been posting a LOT less these days, well get over it like Miracle herpes because that's just how it's gonna be since I'm suuuper busy eating and not moving from the couch these days.  Quality over quantittays, Hobags.  On a less "what an asshole" note, Summer's over and we don't have to suck it in and layer up to cover the fat rolls of shame anymore.  However now it's approaching the end of year lardass holiday season and with all the tra-la-la-la-las and Gobble Gobble's that come with the holidays comes lots of nomminig and getting fat.  Fortunately I'm here to peep you in on the latest craze I've discovered in a vision of carbs that'll help you eat everything not nailed down while also keeping your middle rolls to a minimum...

TB Redux: Happy Samhaimween Finale Time!

And cry bacon flavored tears for two of said dead.

     Ok, firsty all, this edition is mad spoiler filled, so if you haven't seen the finale (like unsaturated fats) get the hell away from me until you have.

     Aight, with that outta the way, a lot of shit went down in the finale.  I feel like I'm back at church camp and the counsilors gave us the bug juice.  Everyone guard your a-hole, cuz some mad shit is about to enter your body parts, and this time it's not attached to father Dickerson.  We got two evil bitches coming back to reap hell next season.  We got two forms of useless dead, one form of awesome dead (RIP bitch), and another form of used to be awesome but lost some of her spunk in recent seasons due to awful shit, but I hope on my double-chunk middle roll that she'll be back next season in ghost form.

     Now, before I reveal too much pre the jump, let's get into the itty bitty titty nitty gritty of this week's awesome Suckmahjuicyween finale (Halloween pun Shambles) before I start killing cute stuff in celebration anger from what happened...

Project Runway Redux - Fivegy Of Death

His dix in my hand, even though my arms are crossed. (WTF Shamz)

     Make it jerk, Designers (not so subtle handjob reference Shambles).  Wasn't no post yesterday, and no one sent me hate-burgerz in the mail.  But I'm black today with the ole' faithful Project Runway Redux that all one of you look forward to.  So let's just hang up our hangers, pleat out those gauchos, and get to it cuz like my period, better late than never on this redux.
     As always though, be warned... there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to shove a live cat up your ass and call it boi-pussay (gaywad went too far Shambles)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that Refux...

Shambletorial: Peeps I'd Make a Sex Tape With

And you'll die 7 days later.

     That sound you hear is me getting excited.  True it's short and recurring, but a good Herpes Post can (like its namesake) last a lifetime.  Unfortunatly this Herpes Post got upgraded to full blown AIDS a Shambletorial because, If the title of this post wasn't obvious enough, I'm bringin' the hobag with this little ditty about people I'd say "yes preez" to if they were like, "let's bone and I'mma tape it", so clearly I've got a lot to say on the topic.  Now pop on in here, push play, and try to get that money shot in focus cuz it's time to get our hypothetical sex tape on...

Boner Patrol! -- Daddy Day Care (and Night)

If I was a hooker, this would be my bidness card.

     A'ight kids, Adrian Grenadine is back after my long weekend of being lazy, drinkin' pumpkin ale, and meeting new peeps.  So what better way to celebrate a return to hell known as the work week then to discuss some boner makin' topics?  Well... one topic, but it's worth all the blood in the world flowing to all the nethers you can find.  So pop on in here like a baby cooch after applying Desitin and see what's got my bones rattlin' in an upward direction this time...

True Blood Redux: World War 69

All Marnie spirits & Jason weens please-to enter here.

     Oh shit Y'allz, next week's Halloween finale is gonna be like bacon wrapped bacon, marinated in bacon grease and infused with bacon bits smothered in bacon.  Translation: Devily delicious, and when it's all said and done, peeps gawn die.  But that's next week, let's talk about this week.  And even though Nan wasn't with us last night, we fortunately dispatched of some useless, but we also got some cast unity going as urrybody came together to end this standoff (or so they thought).  So jump on in here like a spirit entering our mouths BJ cum swallowing style and see what all the muff is about this week on the next to last episode of our beloved True Blood...

Project Runway Redux - Farts And Shafts

Envy us, Bitches... We all have huzbenz, & Ur just fat.

     Fashions, turn to the left.  Fashions, now turn to the right.  Oooooohhhaaaah FASHIONS!  Thank you, that intro brought to you by David Bowie and my lack or originality (hey I added an "s" to "fashion" (twice!) so it's not entirely ripped off.  Speaking of ripped off, this week's episode was like a strip of wax on a lady cooch during a Brazilian, painfully obvious as to who was going home, and certainly worth the pain.  So like said cooch-strip, let's just go ahead and tear into this episode and hope the pain doesn't leave any scars or "is that herpes?" bumps on our nethers.

     As always though, be warned... there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to catch crabs with your cooch, not realizing they were already there (Two diff types of crabs Shambles)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that Refux...

Random Bless: Fauxlebrities

That horse looks just like this drag queen on E!  Resembz is uncanny!

     Top o' the Thursday to you, Fleshballs and Slutbags.  Your loyal bacon eater, Adrian Grenadine here with another edition of that good ole' Random Bless.  While my bless hands have been workin' overtime as of late, the subject of this edition's post really needs some because they're ruining my life with their powers of disguise.  Who could these deceptive hobags be?  Read on to find out, and see just why these fux need my sausage-link hands of blessed-be all over their pretend faces...

PLL Redux: It's Summer Finale Time Bitches!

Maybe when we're their age it'll be true.  Dammit, Hanna just smile!

     First and foreskin most, it's been a long, strange, continuity and all plausability out the window 12 weeks.  Thank you for being a friend and for reading my reduxii and enjoying this shitshow of awesome as much as I do.  Now, with all the pleasantries outta the way, let's get to the shit talking.  OK WTFuq?  Where were Mike, Ganny Hanna's Grandma, Noel Kahn & Mona (theory on that inside), and Gay Lucas at while we were forced to face Toby Simbajaws, British Wren (lookin' good on his return though BTdubbs), and that 700 year old bitch Maya who we all know is about as boring as anything having "with the stars" in its title? 
     Wowwie, let me relax and eat something fried... Ok that's better, I'm calm.  Don't wanna get all my anger and thoughts of brilliance out in the into.  Aight, all good.  Let's just kick back, bury ourselves alive, and peep this Summer finale PLL redux... cuz y'all ain't gettin' another one for a while...

Gchats U Wish... Whores, Legs & Baconhaterz

Story of my life slash too much shit talkin' Shambles.

     Been a while since we had a good Gchat U Wish U Wrote so I'll just cut to the chase and say that this time, series regular Kiki is back and we're talkin' more shit than a diarrhea butt-hole.  Topics I'm ashamed of include: my strange addiction (which even strangelier has nothing to do with food), Gym hotties and the legs they walk on, then finally we delve into my new best friends and the Shambles of limited supplies of maple syrup marinated bacon.  My mouth is sufficiently watering like hoochie thighs at an all-you-can-eat coochfest.  So jump on in here and read all about it...

TB Redux: This Be What Rock Bottom Looks Like

Hey, "Sookie"... See title of post for witty caption.

     Oh my, oh my, oh my, Fang Bangers.  Can you believe there's only two episodes left of the season until TB is gone and there's only 39877 million other vampire shows to watch until next Summer?  Me either, but I'll stop yappin' and get to the recappin' cuz more shit went down this week than a flat-headed, waist-tall being, no tooth having whorebag festival in BJville.  We lost some serious pubes this week (RIP you-know-who), AND got some heated dramz going like Jessica's sure to now be crab infested dead ass fire-crotch.
     So with that burned into our minds forever, and like a double dose of morning after pill that makes your dead dick related Shambles go away toot suite, peep on up in this Redux to see what pre-fetal goodies you forgot to sort through from last night's festivities...

Proj. Runway Redux - Shoe Gurl, I Almost Died!

Sex & the Shitty fake smilers.

     Hey Gaysigners, Adrian Gunnadine here to make this shit work like sweatshop kids at Martha Stewart's house.  This week there were more transitions than a drag show/sex change hospital.  People left, people came back, people I can't stand literally busted their ass... and something truly tragic almost happened but didn't (hint, one testicle).  All in all it was a dramz filled week that trimmed some sleepy useless, but brought back some in-the-closet baldness.
     As always though, be warned... there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to lose your virginity with a chainsaw blade (Cucumbers work better Shambles)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that Refux...

Searches That Brung U To Me - 2

Where U at, Shamblettes?  Look down, waaay down! (Dik level, Boo)

     It's true, some of you like me, you really like me.  So in return for your favors of page views, I'm sharing, herpes style, some of the wonderfully sketchy Google searches that led you to me since the last STBU2M post.  The overwhelming responses of pervy things you all look for to jam your jellies and unleash your poons never cease to amaze me.  So jump on in this mini-post like a fist to a rape ass and see what lead yallz to meh part deux...

Stuff I Like/Hate But Shouldn't: Porno Dialogue

Oh yeah, suck it you little bitch. (literally shambles)

     Oh man and woman are you lil' Baconators in for a treat.  This edition of the long lost "Stuff I Love or Hate But Shouldn't" feature, also known as SILOBS, is really gonna get your pickles perky and your poon-tangs tangin', cuz it's all about the pornos and the wonderful things not just sprayed, but said in them too.  That's right, no covering up the truth on the topic until after the jump this time, cuz like the porno dialogue that's the focus of this post, I'm just coming out gay style and saying it... no matter what shoots me in the face or calls me one of a million little names that cum up (see what I did there?) while gettin' dat money-shot 50 cent style 9 times in the chest (double decker pun points to me, thanx).  
     Now, please-to read on to see whether I love or hate porno dialogue in this extended (tee hee) edition of SILOBS, and enjoy the 7 "see what I did there's" that'll help point out all the obvious and shitty porno puns I've sprinkled throughout this post like you know what on a Bukaki face cuz I...

Is It In Yet? - Racebook

Open up, this hand needs a tan (Gross Poop Joke Shambles).

     Yo Yo Hobags, slut-rods, and little Baconators (like little Monsters but not, get it?).  The preceeding lameness aside, it is once again I, Adrian Grenadine: master of Shambles and bacon, here to bring you another edition of Is It In Yet?.  I hope your back-shoots are puckered and ready for insertion because this time, we're throwing out all the Depends undergarments and bringing some Suri-Cruise-ious issues to the snack covered table.  If you're easily offended, look the other way and get the hell off my site, we don't take kindly to your types 'round here... but if you don't mind a little harmless racism chat, then click on that "read more" link and get your ass in here A-Stat!...

PLL Redux: Discussin' Dramz & NOT Eatin' Nomz

Photoshopped Aria head is totes ruining this fierce as fuq pishure.

     Hey there, Ugly Big Truthtellers.  Another episode down like chicken strips, only one more to go unitl the Fall finale.  This week we had limited Noel and Mona, and more than we cared for Toby, BUT, we also had no boring Melissa, no New Jason and his buttchin of death, and no boring Ezra Fitz and former Beyonce parts... so like diet coke, it's a give and take compromise.
     In other news though, shit's gettin' more intense than bacon wrapped fried Oreos with steak sauce and ketchup marinated fish batter, TRANSLATION: Disturbing in a good way.  So jump on in this here Redux to see what you mighta missed, cuz something tells me while you were watching and sippin' on that diet coke, I was finding the truth like a 2 year old's g-spot, and you're gonna wanna read what you missed. TRUST!...

Hey Gurl Hey: Legit Camp Nowhere, 100th Post!

I'm not invisible, I'm making a cumback, dammit!  Shut up, loser.

     Hey Gurls hey, fist (tee hee) of all if the headline above didn't spell it out, this be my 100th post, can't believe we've made it this far.  So please-to do your part to spread the Shamblettes word like legs as, like weens in duh strip club or crabs on your cooch, I'm trynna grow this blog as much as I can as time goes on.  So tweet, poke, retweet, facebook, whatever you need to do to get my words of nom out to the fat assed masses preez.  I'll luz you bacon cheeseburger style if you do.
     NTwayz, pleasantries and cel-ho-brations aside, it's that time again to dig deep in the nethers of time to see what became of "heartthrobs" past.  The 90's are back in the habit like Sister Act 2 these days, so let's take a stroll down memree lane to see what this mop topped douchelord from numerous Tigerbeat photo-spreads is up to today.  You're just a click away from discovering his identity, but don't say I didn't warn you, this guy has spent too many years lodging up extended-stay style in irrelevant-invisible-man fashion at "Camp Nowhere"...

Gays Do It Better - Cool Runnings

Step 2: Cut that Bebeh dick.  Got it.

     Holy rimjobs, Gaywads and Lezboinz!  It's already time for another edition of GDIB, and instead of pussyfooting around or jerkin' your merkin with a long drawn out intro, let me just cut to the chase like foreskin at a Bris and say that if you're cool, and I'm not moving too fast for you, then you need to jump on in here and check this shit out fruit de suite...

Fat Club - Fatter Rules & Reguweightions

OMG, a Sale!  2 for 1 Baconators! (head exploding non-Shambz)

     That gurgling sound you hear isn't your "I didn't know I was preggo" baby kicking for freedom at the nearest McDonald's bathroom before your shift starts, it's the rumblings in your tum that another edition of Fat Club is here for you to digest and let settle in your tummy-ass-&-thighs regions.  So pick up those chins, peel back the folds covering your eyes, and peep these super obese further rules and reguweightions...

True Blood Redux: Extra Cheese & Corn Preez

Talk about cutting the corncheeze!

     I honestly don't know what to say, Hobags... this week's True Blood was like a big juicy turd: a relief to get out and necessary for survival, but full of more un-digestable bits than a mouth full of cud.  I won't get into the specifics of said corny and cheese bits until the full redux after the jump, but I hope you brought your double-ply Charmin, cuz you're in for one doo-doozy of a redux...

Holy Hot Messes - Bangin' Dem Fried Collars

I have that same outfit in white, but it's XXXL.

     Happy Friday, Slutnuggets.  It's time for another edition of Holy Hot Messes.  This time we're bringin' the heat like slutty gennies at a coochie clam bake.  So hold on to your hair donts, plug in your vibrators, and please-to de-douchify that outfizs cuz once you click on that "keep reading" shit, it's time to get our demon worship on with these person, place, and thing holy as hell hot messes...

Project Runway Redux - Nina Us Are Worthy

Hey, Tim... make that fart I just laid on ur dick-parts work.  Tee hee!

     Heyyyyy, Deziiiigners!  Time for another redux of the show that sews no bounds (lame pun shambles).  This week we had to peep Nina Garcia's botox face for longer than usual, so I'm sure she got paid some mad overtime for actually getting her ass outta that PR chair.  But enough gabbin', let's get to the reduxin'.
     As always though, be warned... there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to sit on some doodz face after an all you can eat bean buffet (Ass Blast shambles)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that reslutx...

Gross Yuck Cool - Infectious Fun

I never shoulda had that third juicebox... Fuqing Lohan toddlers!

      Break out those haz-mat suits, sluthoez, this Is that a thing? will really infect you with "whatthefuqness".  Shockingly, some of you may have already partaken in or know about this thing, and to that I say "y'allz crazy".  So lock the door, break out those anti-immunity drugs, and grab your nearest spotted neighbor, cuz it's Is that a thing? time...

The Bitch List: Runnin' Nowhere Loudly

Mmm Hmm... I will weave side-pony ur bitch ass back tude-uh hood.

     Happy hobags, you Slut-faced Simbajaws twins... The Bitch List is back with three hot-fresh topics worthy of my immaculate bitchery this week.  Topics deal with neglected animals owned by douchelord asswads, mini-mills of death which should never see the light of day for fear of killing everything in it's sights with Ugly Betty Moment pollution, and wraps up condom style with people who, like countless procedurals on CBS with initials in their titles, just need to fuqing die and go away already as enough is enough!  Whew, let me calm down, don't wanna blow my wad Lohan style up front.  But please-to do know that since you all got dicked yesterday with only one post, I'm gonna make the ones today a bit longer to satisfy the void-holes left in your carnal desire-parts.  So keep reading to see the specifics on the top three things worthy of my bitchitude...

PLL Redux: Ridin' Bareback For Rubdowns

Hands off mah cooch, Em... I'm being fabulous here.  Soary, Hanna.

     Greetings and salutations, Bitches.  PLL was back in full force last night, and Mona and Hanna had more zingers than an electroshock therapy center without a powerstrip to plug their cooch-zap machine's into... TRANSLATION - Lotsa zings.  This week featured a near-lezzy encounter with a massage their-rapist, and some major bareback ridin' on the ole bitch range of horseback trollups.  So jump on in here like "A' at the massage parlor or a horse over a fence and see what all the cooch-rage was this week on PLL...

 

AngryBitter & Jelly: No Fair Edition

So you're NOT my daddy?  No fair!  Fuq U Shaquille O'neal!

     The world is a cruel and lard-filled place.  So naturally this week's ABJ sammy of delight is all "whoa is me".  I'm singling out three things in the realms of Angry, Bitter, and Jelly that other people get away with while I can't.  It's truly tragic, it's truly true, and it's truly no fair.  So stop pointing and laughing at my pathetic asses and "read the fuq on" to see what it is that's less fair then a ginger skin-convention...

Is That A Thing? -- Huggie Death Match

Awwwl, Bear Hug.  Now DIE, BITCHES!

     Hold on tight, Kiddos cuz you're in for one helluva shambled ride.  After a recent viewing of the amazeballs ER season 15 box set, a little activity I didn't realize was a thing got brought into my life like a bad case of crabs... Unlike said crabs though, this thing which most definitely is a thing sadly, won't let go with a simple shampoo and topical cream, and so prepare for a little bit longer of a ramble this time as this thing clearly concerns my 8 chins and bacon wrapped heart.  Thus, like a Kardashian to a paycheck from a black dude with an attitude prollem, I'm not letting this go without a fight.  But enough (literally) trash talk, let's get into the deets of this elusive air-tight thing after the jump...

Boner Patrol! -- Double Sexhaust

Talk aboutta muffler.  I've seen this one b4... but where's the gerbil?

     New feature time.  This one's simple.  Every so often something comes along that gets my nethers going north, and I'm not always proud of it.  But I'm swallowing my invisible pride like one swallows food times infinity slash a 16 inch dong, and writing about the things that get said bones rattling.  So jump on in this bitch to see what's got the Boner Patrol out in full force in this first ever BP post...

True Blood Redux: Negress This Shitz Insane

Pass dat blood & blessed be, cuz bishes gawn die tonight! 

     Another week down, another boner already had in anticipation for next week's episode.  This week's shit started off kinda slow, but the back half of the episode had me clutching the pearls, laughing my ever-widening ass off, and trying to suppress my bone-parts for more awesomeness from our Lord and saviors, Alan Ball and friends.  Also, this week was amazeballs X 1000 cuz there was no Jesus or Portia for miles!  So before I explode bacon bits everywhere, let's redux the shit outta this week's episode, titled Spellbound and written by Allah, Mr. Alan Ball himself...

Wha'chu Playin' Fool?: Gay or Straightish Dad

1) Bitch is only 16? 2) Exo gave u stroke eye. 3) U still gay, Jeffrey.

     Been a hot ass minute since we had a game up on these parts, but I'm swallowing my pride like a Lohan swallows girl parts and vodka to bring you another little treasure for the weekend.  As usual, the answers will be provided before the comments section... BUT, even though I'm not Geek Squad, I did find a way to hide them until you leave your comment... so leave ur guesses in the fuqing comments, people!  NTwayz, my sweet nothings aside, let's get down to the task at dick in hand as this game isn't as straight easy as it looks...

Proj. Runway Redux - Talk About High Fashion

Gurl, is Seal sexting you again?  Yes.  I'm gonna kill my hub-send!

     Good morning, Designers!  Time to make this shit work again in the PR Redux from Hell.  Everyone was being a bitch this week, and so there's only 3 people left I don't wanna shoot in the face: Gay Anthony, Rich Bitch, and Black Bitch... everyone can suck my hem line if they like any of the other sluts (although Asian whorebag who can't sew and dykey granola bitch still not on my hideous list... YET) but I digress.
     As always, be warned, there be spoilers about who won, and who went home this week (at the end of the post in the SPOILER ZONE), so don't say I didn't warn you like that one time you tried to stick a cucumber in your ass instead of a chainsaw (er, wait I got that backwards)... NTWayz, if you read something you didn't want to know, it's not my fault.  Now on to that refux...

Random Bless - Blahktertainment

Please-to marry me now!  I'm of course talkin' to the snax.

     Howdy Ho my blessed beings.  It's that time again, time for me to get my bless hands all up in your orifices to help massage in the truth that is the random bless.  This time I'm gettin' real wit dat ish and talking about some racial shit that needs to be discussed.  But what-to could I be trynna bless like a Kardashian in a whore house?  Please-to read on, but don't forget that I'm on YOUR side, not the KKK's, which just this once does NOT stand for Krispy Kreme Krunkness... cuz when it comes down to it I got the KKreme's back in a knife fight no matter if Feorica herself was the one with the knife... but I dibless...

Gays Do It Better: Apathetic Stability

Care to cumment?  Cum what?  Me too, Gurl, trust.  Huh?

     Hey gayz and lezboynz, back in the habit Sister Act 2 style with another "Gays Do It Better".  Bringing you two fresh scrotes of knowledge that'll knock your straight guy knee high sox off like a finger in the ass during a BJ.  This entry is all about "nots", as in "I'm NOT eating that without bacon" or "You are NOT being fair, Noel Kahn for refusing to let me finish".  But let me STFU because you're NOT here for me (see what I did there?), you're here for the good gay shit.  So click on to see what Straights iz NOT as good as Gays at...